Author: Kristen

05.14.25

What If Your Thoughts Aren’t Even Yours? How Introjection Shapes Who You Think You Are

“I don’t even know who I am.”

If you’ve ever thought that, whether in therapy, to a friend, or quietly in your own head, I want you to know something – it’s okay. In fact, it’s more common than you think. And, it’s a powerful place to begin.

Because so many of us walk around carrying beliefs, patterns, and behaviors that were not truly ours. They were passed down. Taught. Implied. Ingested, sometimes without a word being said. That’s called introjection, and it impacts everything from how you feel about yourself to how you function in relationships.

What Is Introjection? (And Why It Matters)

Introjection is a psychological process where we unconsciously absorb the beliefs, emotions, and personality traits of others—especially caregivers, authority figures, or people we needed love and approval from. It often happens in childhood, when we’re still forming our sense of self.

Let me break it down. If your parent believed “emotions are weak,” you likely internalized that message – whether it was said out loud or just shown through actions and tone. If your family prioritized peace over truth, you probably learned to silence your voice to avoid conflict.

We do this to stay safe. To stay connected. But over time, those absorbed beliefs can feel like our own—until we start questioning them.

Signs You’re Living from an Introjected Belief

You feel disconnected from your authentic self.
You’re afraid to express your emotions or needs.
You feel “bad” or “wrong” for disagreeing with people you love.
You struggle with people-pleasing or self-criticism.
You notice recurring patterns in your relationships (especially unhealthy ones).

These signs aren’t proof that something’s wrong with you. They’re clues that you might be living from someone else’s values, not your own.

Introjection vs. Projection: What’s the Difference?

While projection is when we place our own feelings onto others (e.g., assuming someone is judging us when really, we’re judging ourselves), introjection is the opposite. It’s when we take on the feelings or beliefs of others and internalize them without conscious thought.

It often happens between children and parents, but it can also happen with teachers, coaches, spiritual leaders or anyone we looked to for guidance or safety.

How Introjections Affect Your Adult Relationships

Let’s say you grew up in a family that didn’t show affection. You learned that emotional expression = weakness. Fast forward to adulthood, and now you're in a relationship where your partner is craving emotional intimacy but you shut down or pull away.

That isn’t just a “you problem.” That’s an introjection showing up. And if you don’t examine where it came from, you may continue to repeat the same painful patterns.

This is something I see all the time in couples therapy—one partner with anxious attachment, the other with avoidant attachment, both reenacting the dynamics they learned from childhood.

The good news? You can unlearn it.

How to Identify Your Own Introjected Beliefs

Here’s where the self-awareness work begins. Grab a notebook or journal and explore these questions:

What belief just got triggered?
Where do I think this belief came from?
Does this feel like something I truly believe—or something I was taught to believe?
How does this belief show up in my body (tension, anxiety, etc.)?
Is it serving me now? Do I want to keep it?
If not, how do I want to rewrite it?

This is the heart of inner child work and reparenting—learning to examine what you’ve absorbed, and giving yourself permission to rewrite the narrative.

Introjection and Generational Trauma

A lot of the beliefs we carry didn’t start with us. They were passed down—generational trauma that we absorbed without even realizing it. Maybe your parent was emotionally unavailable because their parent was too. And so on.

Doing this work is about breaking those cycles.

You might be afraid to question what you were taught. You might worry, “Will my family still love me if I change?” That fear is valid. But as an adult, you have the power to decide what you want to believe. You don’t have to carry everything you were handed.

What Happens When You Start to Grow?

It’s normal to feel grief. Confusion. Even loneliness. Because when you grow, the system around you feels it. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It means you’re evolving.

You may have chosen a partner who matched your old belief system. And now that you’re waking up and doing the deeper work, you want something more—connection, truth and emotional safety.

That’s growth. And it’s okay to invite your partner (or family) into that journey. Share this blog with them. Start the conversation.

But know this: you don’t need anyone’s permission to heal.

Reclaiming Your Authentic Self

At the end of the day, this is about rediscovering you.

The you that isn’t performing, pleasing, or protecting.

The you that gets to feel, question, speak up, and choose.

So next time you're triggered, pause. Get curious. Ask yourself: Is this belief truly mine? Or was it someone else’s I never got to question?

That’s how we break the cycle. That’s how we reclaim our freedom.
And, that’s how we finally come home to ourselves.

- Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.

Dive a little deeper into this topic below

04.29.25

Before You Say “I Do”: How to Build a Relationship That Actually Lasts

A guide for couples who want more than just a beautiful wedding day

What if the best time to do the deeper work in your relationship isn’t when things feel hard—but before the wedding, before the ring, maybe even before the words “I love you” are spoken?

The truth is, many of us carry unspoken baggage into our relationships—childhood wounds, unhealed experiences, and protective patterns we don’t even realize are there. And while they may stay hidden for a while, they almost always surface—often as tension, miscommunication, or emotional distance.

Starting the hard conversations early doesn’t mean something is wrong. It means you’re choosing to build something strong, honest, and lasting.

So instead of waiting until disconnection shows up, what if you created space now—to talk about what shaped you, what you need to feel safe, and how you want to grow together?

Let’s explore what you can do before you say “I do” to lay the foundation for a relationship built on emotional safety, curiosity, and truth.

1. Get Curious About the Story Behind the Story

Before marriage, it’s easy to focus on logistics—where to live, how many kids you want, what the wedding will look like.

But deeper questions matter more.

Ask each other:

What was conflict like in your home growing up?
How did your family express (or suppress) emotion?
What messages did you receive about love, safety, anger, or affection?

You are not just marrying someone’s present—you’re entering their past too. And understanding that landscape helps you walk it with compassion, not confusion.

2. Consider Premarital Counseling… Even Early

Let me normalize this for you — therapy isn’t just for when things are falling apart. It’s for building something healthy and lasting—on purpose.

Some couples choose to go to premarital counseling just months into dating. Not because they’re in a rush, but because they want to get real—fast.

They want to:

Talk about family of origin wounds
Get honest about communication and sex
Explore what marriage truly means to each of them
Learn tools to navigate conflict in healthy, connected ways

If you’re afraid to bring it up, that’s okay. But maybe lean into that fear and ask what it’s trying to tell you. Growth requires courage—and love does too.

3. Learn How to Listen With Empathy, Not Defense

One of the most powerful skills couples can practice is mirroring—slowing down enough to reflect back what your partner said before responding.

It might sound like:
“What I’m hearing you say is that you felt dismissed when I didn’t respond to your message.”

That simple act helps your partner feel seen and heard, which creates safety—and safety is what allows intimacy to deepen.

Empathy isn’t fixing. It’s not agreeing. It’s being with. And that presence is often more healing than any solution.

4. Recognize That Everyone Brings Baggage

We all bring something into the relationship—family pain, past heartbreaks, defense mechanisms we developed to survive.

The goal isn’t to pretend those don’t exist. The goal is to name them, understand them, and take responsibility for how they show up now.

If you tend to shut down when emotions get big, explore why. If you notice yourself reacting with anger, get curious about what’s underneath that. (Often, it’s fear, shame, or sadness.)

Awareness isn’t self-criticism—it’s self-leadership.

5. Create Your Own Blueprint

Just because you grew up with yelling or silence doesn’t mean that has to be your norm.

You can choose something different.

Sit down and talk honestly about:

How you want to handle conflict
What rituals or rhythms help you reconnect
What it looks like to repair after a rupture
What kind of emotional environment you want to raise a family in (if you choose to)

You get to design your own emotional home.

6. Normalize Needing Space and Staying Connected

If you or your partner tend to pull away in conflict, that doesn’t mean you’re broken. It might mean you need time to self-regulate, breathe, and come back clear.

The key is communication.

Saying something like:
“I need some space to get grounded, but I’ll come back to talk in 30 minutes,” can be a game-changer.

Creating space when emotions run high allows each of you to self-regulate in your own way, so you can return with clarity and compassion—side by side, not against each other.

7. Do Your Own Work—Even If Your Partner Isn’t Ready Yet

The deepest relationships are created by people who are willing to look inward. Who are willing to say:
“I want to understand why I react this way.”
“I want to heal so I don’t repeat the same patterns.”

Even if your partner isn’t ready to go there yet, your work matters. And it creates ripple effects.

Read the books. Go to therapy. Listen to podcasts. Journal. Be willing to grow—and invite your partner into that journey gently, without shame or pressure.

Rooting Your Relationship in What Lasts

Doing the deeper work before marriage doesn’t mean you need to have all the answers. It means you’re choosing to walk in with awareness and intention.

You’re choosing honesty—even when it’s uncomfortable.

You’re willing to face the hard stuff, instead of avoiding it.

You’re open to growth, even when it challenges old patterns.

And you’re committed to love that feels safe, steady, and real—not driven by fear, performance, or control.

If you’re moving toward marriage—or simply growing deeper together—consider this your invitation to pause and lean in.

Get curious about each other. About the stories, patterns, and beliefs you both carry. And about the kind of relationship you truly want to create—together, on purpose.

When you build from that place—intentional, grounded, and emotionally safe—you’re not just preparing for a wedding. You’re creating the kind of connection that can grow, evolve, and thrive from the inside out.

- Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.

Dive a little deeper into this topic below

04.22.25

A Big Factor Keeping You Stuck: Are You Living in Fantasy or Reality?

A Big Factor Keeping You Stuck:

Are You Living in Fantasy or Reality?

Have you ever wondered, why do I still feel stuck even though I’m doing the work?

Do you feel like you’ve been patient, loving, understanding—maybe even bending over backwards—but nothing is actually changing?

Are you holding onto the hope that someone will finally “get it,” or that things will magically shift… if you just say the right thing, or wait a little longer?

There’s a big, often invisible factor that keeps people stuck in their relationships, in their healing, and in their growth. It’s this: you’re living in a fantasy instead of reality.

And let me be honest—this shows up with almost every single client I see. So if it’s showing up for you, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken. But it is something we need to look at, because you can’t heal what you won’t name.

The Quiet Movie You’re Playing in Your Mind

A lot of us don’t realize it, but we’re living out a movie in our heads. We’re holding onto a vision of who someone could be or used to be, and not paying attention to who they are right now.

You're hoping they’ll change if you just say it the right way. If you present it gently enough. If you stay quiet long enough. You’re hoping that somehow they’ll finally see what you’ve been saying all along. But they don’t. And that hope keeps you stuck.

What we’re doing is dropping hints. And let me tell you—people don’t respond to hints. They respond to clear, direct, and courageous communication. But you might be afraid. Afraid of hurting someone. Afraid of being rejected. Afraid of the fallout. So instead, you stay in the movie. And that movie? That fantasy? It becomes a trap.

Why It’s So Hard to Let Go

Let’s get underneath it. Many of us grew up in homes where emotions were suppressed or exploded. Where needs were unmet. Where love came with conditions or silence or shame. So we created ways to cope. We pleased. We performed. We perfected. We learned to read the room, to be what others needed so we didn’t get hurt or left or shamed.

And now, as adults, we bring those same strategies into our relationships. Into parenting. Into marriage. Into work. Into every corner of our lives. We keep trying to play the fantasy out. We think, “If I can just do it right this time, I’ll finally get what I needed all those years ago.”

But the truth is—you won’t. Because those unmet needs from childhood? They can’t be filled by your partner, your kids, your friends, or your coworkers. They have to be acknowledged, processed, and healed by you.

Let’s Talk About Parenting and Fantasy

One of the biggest fantasies I see is that children will fill the void. That they’ll make us feel needed. Loved. Whole. Important. Like we finally matter.

But here’s the reality: our children are not our emotional support systems. They’re not here to validate us or keep us company or take care of us when we’re older. That’s a heavy, unfair burden to put on a child.

They are their own sovereign beings, here to live their lives—not to make up for what we didn’t get growing up. And when we place that expectation on them, we create disconnection. We get disappointed. We feel abandoned all over again.

The truth is, they will leave. They should leave. That’s a sign of healthy development. And if that stirs up fear or sadness for you, it’s okay. That’s where the work is. That’s your healing calling.

Fantasy in Marriage and Relationships

Let’s get even more real. Maybe you’re in a marriage where you’ve been waiting. Waiting for your partner to wake up. To engage. To get into therapy. To want to grow. And every once in a while, they do just enough to keep the hope alive.

You tell yourself, “They’re just stressed.” “It’ll get better.” “They used to be so kind, so present.” And you hang onto that good memory like it’s a lifeline. But the reality is—they aren’t showing up that way now.

And I say this with love: reality is the only place healing can begin. If you keep clinging to what could be, you’ll stay stuck in what isn’t.

The Grief No One Talks About

Leaving the fantasy means grieving. And that’s why so many people avoid it.

You’re not just letting go of a person or a job or a dream. You’re letting go of the story you told yourself. The movie you wrote. The ending you were hoping for. And that hurts.

But when you grieve the fantasy, you make room for the truth. For clarity. For peace. For healing. You stop trying to change someone who doesn’t want to change, and you start choosing yourself.

What You Can Do Right Now

Start by telling the truth—to yourself.

Sit down with a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On one side, write down all the fantasies you’re holding onto. “If I just…” “Maybe someday…” “When they finally…” And on the other side, write the reality. The facts. The patterns. What’s actually happening.

This is not about shaming yourself. This is about getting clear. Because clarity gives you choices.

And from that place, you can start to breathe differently. Speak differently. Set boundaries. Choose differently.

You can get support—a therapist, a group, a trusted friend who’s doing this work too. You can read books like Homecoming by John Bradshaw. You can listen to podcasts that speak truth and compassion. You can join the Close the Chapter Facebook Group and surround yourself with people who won’t let you go back to sleep.

Healing Doesn’t Mean Perfection

This work isn’t linear. Some days you’ll feel strong and grounded. Other days you’ll want to crawl right back into the fantasy. That’s okay.

What matters is that you keep showing up. That you keep telling the truth. That you breathe through the fear. That you say to yourself, “I’m not going to abandon me anymore.”

You matter. You’re not too much. You’re not behind. You’re brave. You’re doing the work most people never even start.

- Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.

Dive a little deeper into this topic below

04.14.25

The Truth About Anxiety: It’s Not What You Think It Is

We all have anxiety. Every single one of us. It lives on a continuum.

Anxiety is your body’s natural response to stress. It’s a feeling of fear or apprehension about what’s to come. And we’ve all felt it — think about the first day of school, a big job interview, giving a speech. All of those moments can bring anxiety.

But what we’re not talking about — and what I really want to highlight here — is that underneath anxiety is fear.

Fear of the future. Fear of something going wrong. Fear of failing. Fear of being rejected. Fear of looking stupid. Fear of not being good enough.

And that fear — that’s what gets buried and left unprocessed.

Unprocessed Fear + Grief = Anxiety

I see this with clients all the time. They’ll come in and say, “I don’t know why I’m anxious. I’m just worried all the time. I’m afraid something bad is going to happen. I’m afraid I’ll be alone.”

And I’ll ask, “Can we float back for a second? Tell me about a time you were afraid to lose someone. The first time you lost someone, maybe a pet, a grandparent, a parent?”

Because here’s the truth: a lot of what we’re calling anxiety today… is actually unprocessed fear and grief from childhood.

And I want to be really clear — this isn’t about blaming childhood or our parents. It’s about understanding why we feel the way we do.

Did You Learn to Trust Your Own Feelings?

Let me ask you a few questions:

Do you trust yourself?
Do you constantly look outside of yourself for answers?
Do you wish you didn’t care what people think?
Were you told things like “be quiet,” “stop crying,” “keep it to yourself,” “don’t talk about that,” or “just shake it off”?

Because if so, you might be walking around with unprocessed grief and fear that never got witnessed

And when something isn’t witnessed, it doesn’t get processed.

Anxiety = A Body Full of Unexpressed Emotions

Anxiety is your body saying, “Please pay attention.

It’s saying, “There’s something you never got to feel.”

I’ve had panic attacks. I know what it feels like when your heart’s racing, your chest is tight, you feel like you can’t breathe — like something terrible is about to happen.

That kind of anxiety is trauma-related. It’s linked to unprocessed childhood wounds — those moments when we were abandoned, ignored, or told our emotions were too much.

Let’s Talk About Generational Emotional Neglect

Our parents didn’t know how to tend to their own emotions, let alone ours. It’s not their fault. But we have to acknowledge the impact. Because if we don’t, we’ll end up passing it all down.

And I promise you — anxiety and shame are two of the most contagious things we can pass on to our kids.

If we’re not doing our own work, we’ll ask them to perform so we feel okay. We’ll expect them to be popular, to succeed, to be the star — because our inner child is still craving validation.

You’re Not Broken — You’re Holding Unfelt Emotions

I want to say this clearly: you are not broken. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not weak. You’re not “too sensitive.” You’re not overreacting.

What’s actually happening is that you’re carrying emotional experiences — fear, grief, sadness, maybe even anger — that never got to be processed. You didn’t have a safe space for those emotions to be seen, heard, or validated. And so they got stored in your body.

That anxiety you feel now? That’s your body saying

“Please pay attention. Something inside still needs your care.”

And when you begin to tend to those parts of yourself — when you stop pushing through, when you give yourself permission to feel, when you start getting curious instead of critical — that’s when things start to shift.

It doesn’t happen all at once. This isn’t about quick fixes.
It’s about building emotional awareness. It’s about learning how to sit with what’s real, and responding with compassion instead of shame.

This work isn’t easy. But it’s deeply transformative.

When you do it, not only do you start to feel more grounded and connected to yourself — you also stop passing on what was passed down to you.

That’s the power of doing this work.

Not with fixing it, not with pushing it down — but with listening to it.

It’s trying to lead you somewhere deeper. And you’re allowed to go there.

You deserve that kind of care. You really do.

- Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.

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04.08.25

Deconstructing Disappointment: Healing the Shame, Reclaiming Your Worth

Have you ever felt like a disappointment to someone you deeply care about?

Maybe you’ve asked yourself, “Why does this hurt so much?”
Or maybe the voice inside says, “I let them down. I let myself down.”

If this is you, take a deep breath. You are not alone—and more importantly, you are not a disappointment.

There’s a profound difference between feeling disappointed and believing that you are a disappointment. One speaks to a fleeting emotional state. The other cuts deeper—it questions your worth.

You Are Not a Disappointment

Let’s begin with truth:

You matter. You’re important. You’re enough. You’re loved.

If you’ve never heard those words from someone close to you—hear them now, and let them land.

Disappointment is part of the human experience. But when it shifts from “I feel disappointed” to “I am a disappointment,” that’s when shame takes root.

What Is Disappointment, Really?

Disappointment is often misunderstood. On the surface, it might show up as frustration, anger, or even numbness. But when we go deeper, we discover that disappointment is, at its core, a form of sadness.

“Disappointment is sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations.”

It stems from wanting something deeply—an outcome, a relationship, validation, belonging—and not receiving it.

Whether you were passed over for a job, didn’t get into the school you dreamed of, or felt unseen in a relationship… your disappointment matters. And so does your pain.

Disappointment Begins with Expectations

Here’s a powerful truth from author Anne Lamott:

“Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.”

Disappointment is often born out of unspoken, unexamined, or unrealistic expectations. We expect someone to understand, to show up, to do something we haven’t clearly communicated—or sometimes, to meet needs they were never meant to fulfill.

And when they don’t? It hurts. Not just in the mind, but in the body and spirit.

Reflect for a moment:

What are some moments in your life where you felt deeply disappointed?
Were those expectations spoken or silent? Realistic or inherited?

Childhood Roots of Shame and Disappointment

If you’ve ever felt like “I’m a disappointment”—pause and consider: where did that belief begin?

So often, it starts in childhood.

Maybe you didn’t get the grades your parents hoped for. Maybe you didn’t pursue the career they wanted, or didn’t live up to their ideal. Maybe you were simply yourself, and that self wasn’t met with acceptance.

Many of us were talked out of our feelings of disappointment with phrases like:

“It’s not that big of a deal.”
“You should be grateful.”
“At least you got something.”

Though well-meaning, these responses created internal confusion and shame. They taught us that sadness was unsafe, that disappointment made us weak, and that our emotions were wrong.

The Dangerous Shift: From “I Feel” to “I Am”

When you internalize disappointment from others, it’s easy to begin believing:

“I am not enough.”
“I always let people down.”
“I’m too much.”

This isn’t just about pain—it’s about identity. And this toxic shame can shape our behaviors, relationships, and inner voice for years.

But here’s the truth:

You are not a disappointment. You’ve experienced disappointment—and that’s different.

You are worthy of compassion, especially from yourself.

Reframing Disappointment in Relationships

Disappointment often shows up in romantic partnerships, disguised as frustration, control, or fear. Without realizing it, we recreate old dynamics—we try not to let our partner down the way we feel we let our parents down.

This can lead to unhealthy parent-child dynamics in adult relationships:

The “child” avoids upsetting the “parent.”
The “parent” becomes the judge or fixer.
Intimacy suffers. Authentic connection fades.

What if we replaced “I’m disappointed in you” with “I feel sad and afraid this pattern won’t change”?

This reframe invites honesty, vulnerability, and mutual growth—not shame.

The Neuroscience of Disappointment

When we experience disappointment, our nervous system responds. Neurochemicals like dopamine and serotonin drop, causing physical and emotional distress. You may feel:

Disconnected
Frozen
Anxious
Numb
Reactive

That’s your nervous system trying to protect you. But you can return to safety.

Try this:

Feel your feet on the floor.
Inhale slowly through your nose.
Exhale fully through your mouth.

Grounding helps regulate your body so you can process emotion instead of shutting it down.

Owning and Healing Your Disappointment

Healing begins with ownership. Ask yourself:

Are my expectations clear?
Are they realistic?
Are they rooted in old wounds or present needs?
Am I putting responsibility on others to validate my worth?

Sometimes, our disappointment reveals a deeper need for healing, especially around feeling seen, heard, and understood. That’s an invitation to reparent yourself—with gentleness, compassion, and support.

You don’t have to get over your disappointment—you can move through it.

Journaling, therapy, support groups, and self-reflection can help you name your emotions and release shame.

You Will Heal

Disappointment hurts. It carries sadness, grief, and sometimes betrayal. But you can learn to carry it with compassion. You can release the shame.

You can say:

“I’m feeling sad about this.”
“This hurts, and that’s okay.”
“I don’t have to be perfect to be loved.”

And then breathe.

You will heal from this.
You are enough—always have been.
You matter. Your story matters.
You are loved.

You're not just surviving disappointment—you’re learning how to transform it.

And you’re doing it beautifully.

- Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.

Dive a little deeper into this topic below

01.13.25

Top 10 Most Downloaded Close the Chapter Podcast Episodes in 2024

Top 10 Most Downloaded Close the Chapter Podcast Episodes in 2024

I just want to take a minute to say thank you—seriously, thank you so much—for being a part of the Close the Chapter Podcast journey. Whether you’ve been here since day one (April 22, 2019!) or just started tuning in, I’m so grateful for you. Your support means the world to me.

My goal with this podcast has always been to give you something real, something that can actually help you in your own journey. I want to offer you practical tools and conversations that make a difference in your life. Healing isn’t easy, but I truly believe that with the right support and perspective, it’s totally possible. You are doing amazing work, even on the hard days, and I’m so proud of you.

As we step into 2024, I’d love to hear from you. I have a few questions that could help me make the podcast even better for you:

Which episode really resonated with you, and why?

How has the podcast made you feel supported or understood on your mental health journey?

What would you love to hear more of in upcoming episodes?

I know that prioritizing yourself can be tough, and there’s no “one size fits all” approach. But I want you to know that I see you, I’m cheering for you, and I’m here to support you however I can.

Thanks again for subscribing, leaving reviews, sharing episodes, and telling your friends. Your support makes a bigger difference than you know.

I’m wishing you an amazing year ahead, filled with calm, growth, and self-compassion. You’ve got this. 💛

Be sure to check out the 10 most downloaded episodes in 2024 below!

#1-Episode 251-Helping High Conflict Couples with Jennine Estes, LMFT and Jackie Wielick, LMFT

#2-Episode 239 -Developing Fierce Self-Compassion with Dr. Kristin Neff

#3-Episode 256-Communication Skills that will Change your Life

#4-Episode 247-Ways to Improve Your Mental & Emotional Health

#5-Episode 246 -Key Questions to Ask Yourself to Begin the New Year

#6-Episode 252-Sober Curiosity with Amanda Kuda

#7-Episode 253-5 Myths About the Healing Journey

#8-Episode 248-Important Ways to Help Your Mental Wellbeing this Year

#9-Episode 249-Speaking with Heart with Dr. Heather Browne

#10-Episode 254-Healing From a Break Up with Denna Babul

With so much love and gratitude,
Kristen

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.

01.10.24

Top 10 Most Downloaded Close the Chapter Podcast Episodes in 2023

Top 10 Most Downloaded Close the Chapter Podcast Episodes in 2023

I am deeply grateful for your unwavering support of the Close the Chapter Podcast.

From our very first episode, which aired on April 22, 2019, to the 244 solo and guest episodes we've released since then, you have been there for us every step of the way.

My goal for the podcast has always been to provide you with powerful, practical, and purposeful tools and information that can transform your life. I am committed to changing the global conversation around mental health, and I believe that by tuning in, you can find the encouragement, support, and inspiration you need to continue the hard work of healing, finding your true authentic self, and making meaningful changes.

Your support through subscribing, writing meaningful reviews, sharing episodes, and posting on social media makes a significant difference.

The most important work we can do is to cultivate healthy relationships with ourselves and others. By learning how to have authentic and vulnerable conversations, we can create inner peace, calm, clarity, contentment, and compassion.

Wishing you a wonderful year ahead.

Thank you for being a part of our community and for your ongoing support.

Below are the 10 most downloaded episodes.

It's important to make a commitment to take care of yourself, and I understand that it can be challenging at times. But know that I'm here to support you and cheer you on every step of the way. Remember, you deserve to prioritize your own well-being!

#1 - Episode 198 - Co-Dependency & Finding the Way Back To Yourself with María-Victoria Albina, NP, MPH

#2 - Episode 194 - 6 Fears of Intimacy & Closeness

#3 - Episode 201 - 10 Ways We Self-Sabotage & How to Break the Cycle

#4 - Episode 199 - The Power of Awe: Easing Anxiety, Burnout and Chronic Pain with Jake Eagle, LPC

#5 - Episode 202 - The Impact of Family Imprints & How to Set Boundaries with Johanna Lynn

#6 - Episode 196 - The Courage to Be You & Stop Catastrophizing

#7 - Episode 200 - Breaking Free From Burnout with Amy Mangueira

#8 - Episode 197 - Setting Boundaries Will Set You Free with Nancy Levin

#9 - Episode 195 - What is Displacement & Its Impact

#10 -Episode 207 - Understanding Parent-Child Dynamics in Romantic Relationships

-Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.

01.03.23

Top 10 Most Downloaded Close the Chapter Podcast Episodes in 2022

Top 10 Most Downloaded Close the Chapter Podcast Episodes in 2022

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your continued support of the Close the Chapter Podcast! It’s hard to believe the first episode aired on April 22, 2019. We have released over 193 solo and guest episodes.

My mission and goal for the podcast was and continues to be helping you find powerful, practical and purposeful tools and information to begin transforming your life. And, I want to help change the global conversation around mental health. I hope it provides extra encouragement, support and inspiration to keep doing the hard work of healing, improving your sense of worth and value, and making sustainable changes.

By subscribing, writing meaningful reviews, sharing episodes and posting on social media, you are making a huge difference.

Relationships with yourself and others are the most important work we can do. By learning how to have more authentic and vulnerable conversations, you begin to create inner peace, calm, clarity, contentment and compassion.

When you feel sad, lonely, anxious, afraid, angry, joyful or excited, tune into an episode based on what you might need or just binge listen instead of watching a show. I’m available 24-7 on any podcast platform. 🙂

Below are the 10 most downloaded episodes.

Make a commitment to take care of yourself. I’m here to cheer you on!

#1 - Episode 47 - Healing From Childhood Emotional Neglect with Dr. Jonice Webb

#2 - Episode 148 - The Fawn Response; The Origin of People Pleasing

#3 - Episode 28 - It's Not Always Depression with Hilary Jacobs Hendel

#4 - Episode 151 - The Freeze Response & How to Work through It

#5 - Episode 147 - Gaslighting in Relationships

#6 - Episode 153 - 10 Tips to Overcoming Your Fear of Rejection

#7 - Episode 144 - The Hard Truths About Relationships

#8 - Episode 152 - Healing Your Insecurities

#9 - Episode 142 - How Avoidance Coping Keeps You Stuck

#10 - Episode 115 - Triangulation: A Toxic Relationship Pattern

-Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.

12.19.22

Tips to Keep Your Mental Health in Check During Covid and These Uncertain Times

CoolRevolution had the privilege of being part of a virtual conference hosted by Women of Westfield, a network of women from all walks of life, who are interested in bettering their community and building relationships with other like-minded women. Kristen Boise, a marriage and family therapist at Pathways to Healing Counseling gave us all tips on how to navigate all the uncertainties happening around us because of Covid and this pandemic that just continues to spread and wreak havoc on our lives in so many ways.

The first thing to know: You’re not alone.

“Everyone is struggling on some level,” Kristen said. “Everyone is afraid or uncertain right now.”

To help us get through, Kristen offered 10 tips. Instead of trying to tackle all 10 right now, pick just one thing from this list to do right now and focus on it in the week ahead. Little steps can go a long way.

Tip No. 1 - Deep Breathe.

Take five to six breaths – inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth – every hour. Yes, hourly. You can use any breathing technique that you are comfortable with. Kristen prefers to do this with both feet planted on the floor. Breathing is essential for the nervous system and your body.

When things seem out of control, when the kids start to argue, or someone at work causes you stress, before doing anything, plant your feet on the floor, and breathe. Breathe before responding, reacting or over-reacting.

Tip No. 2 – Process. Connect & acknowledge emotions.

Chances are you did not learn this growing up. Most of us were taught to control our emotions. That’s not healthy. It’s important to process how you feel. To get started, watch the Disney Movie “Inside Out,” which is about 11-year-old Riley who goes through the emotions of joy, fear, anger, disgust and sadness when she moves to a new city.

It’s important to process your emotions, regardless of what those emotions are. Ask yourself: What am I feeling?

Ask the same things of your kids and friends. It’s a much more powerful question than: How are you doing?

Teenagers are especially struggling right now, because of covid. One day they are in school, the next they are doing virtual learning. There is so much uncertainty, and they are missing out on all the things kids typically do, like hanging out with friends, going to events, going on dates. There is a feeling of isolation.

Everyone is missing out on connections. So, check in with your teens, family members and friends by asking: What are you feeling?

Tip No. 3 – Movement.

You need movement at least five times a week.

“Covid is a trauma,” Kristen said. “Our world got flipped upside down. This can throw us off our routine.”

To help, move. That doesn’t mean you have to start training for a marathon or a big exercise program – although it can. It can mean walking 10 minutes on a treadmill, or walking 30 minutes around your neighborhood or doing yoga from an online video. Do what works best for you, and try to build your movement into a daily routine.

Tip No. 4 – Watch expectations.

“Expectations are resentments waiting to happen,” Kristen says.

We often expect our spouses to be able to read our minds or know what we want or need. When they don’t say or do what we “expect” them to, then we get upset. This isn’t rational.

“Only you know what you need in the moment,” she said. “You have to communicate.”

A suggestion to better understand this is a Netflix documentary, “Call to Courage” by Brene Brown.

Tip No. 5 – Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries.

More than half the women who attended the virtual seminar admitted they often have trouble with boundaries and will agree to something they don’t want to do, just because they don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings, or they don’t want to be rejected, or because they think it’s the right thing to do.

“We cannot have healthy connections without healthy boundaries for yourself and in your communications,” Kristen said. “Boundaries are what feels good to you.”

Tip No. 6 – Build a Support System.

This could be one person or several people, but you need a place where you can be vulnerable, authentic and real, and have someone who will allow you to share your emotions and feelings without judgment or giving advice. Likewise, when a friend comes to you, instead of jumping in to give advice or try to help solve the issue, let them share, and then lead with empathy.

Tip No. 7 – Limit News Exposure.

“Some people are listening to the news like they are drinking from a fire hose,” Kristen said. It’s leading to more feelings of uncertainty and angst.

It’s OK to get the key headlines but obsessing about the news is not healthy.

Tip No. 8 – Recognize and work through the ways you numb.

Everyone has a vice. Is it wine? Binging on Netflix. Overeating? Online shopping? Pills?

There is a whole litany of ways people numb, because we don’t like to be uncomfortable. But, the best way out of feeling uncomfortable is to learn to sit in discomfort and work through it by breathing and processing feelings. The first step is awareness, Kristen said. The next step is to breathe.

“Numbing is to shut down emotions that need to be processed,” she said. “So instead of moving to vices, ask: What am I feeling? Connect. Breathe.”

Tip No. 9 – Stop Shoulding on Yourself.

The word “should” equals shame.

“We ‘should’ all over ourselves,” she said. “I hear it in almost every conversation. I should have made a healthier meal. I should be eating all organic...”

Replace the word “should,” with “could.”

Tip No. 10 – Listen. Read. Write.

Journaling allows you to move through your emotions, and you have to get it out, otherwise, you loop the same thoughts in your mind.

Instead, Kristen suggests being a witness to your own thoughts. Emotions are like waves, they come, peak and then go down. When you write down those feelings, it helps to work through them.

“It’s healthy to let out your own feelings,” she said. “You are letting your body free itself. When we let it out we get it out.”

For more information on how to navigate these uncertain times and other tips on mental health, check out Kristen’s podcast, Close the Chapter.

Also, check out “Unlocking Us,” or “Dare to Lead,” by Brene Brown. Kristen also likes Brendon Burchard’s podcast, The Brendon Show.

-Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.

Dive a little deeper into this topic below

01.26.22

Change is an Inside Job

Where does your worth and value come from? We live in a society that looks outside of ourselves to feel good about who we are. We compare ourselves to others and feel less than and not good enough. We learn quickly this is an empty space that cannot be filled. We will never feel enough because there is always someone better looking, richer, smarter, thinner, prettier, more successful, wealthier, has a bigger house, more fit and the list goes on. So, how do we change this?

Change truly is an inside job. It takes self-work to start the process. We have to take responsibility for our own stories and begin to unpack who we really are. Over time, we will stop looking to others to tell us we are good enough or worthy. We have the ability to write our own ending by taking our power back. It begins with you.

We continue doing the same things and behaviors even if it makes us feel bad about ourselves because it’s easier. Our brains like repetition and patterns. This does not mean they are healthy for us.

There are some essential steps to begin the process of change.

Ask yourself some key questions. Do you really want to change? Are you committed to whatever it takes to make the change? Are you ready to give up and let go of something that no longer serves you even if it makes you uncomfortable? Are you willing to step out of your comfort zone? Are you willing to move through the fear to get to the other side?
Own your own stuff. We can’t change anything unless we own it first. For example, if you want to create healthier relationships, then it’s important to take an inventory of how you have contributed to the issues. Maybe you need to improve your boundaries, how you communicate or your negativity. Growth happens when we are uncomfortable.
Write down possible solutions. When you say, “I don’t know.” I challenge you to look deeper. I believe we don’t give ourselves enough credit and we often have a gut feeling and talk ourselves out of it.
Watch the self-talk. This can be the key killer to making change. The more negative self-talk, the more we won’t attempt to make a change. Write out the negative statement and then the opposite statement. We are not our thoughts.
Inaction keeps you stuck. Not taking any steps, even if they are baby steps, will keep you stuck. Try doing things differently every day. Make an intention to focus on what you want. Keep trying. Never give up. You are worth it!

-Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.