Kristen Boice Branding 2019-65

The blame game

Do you blame someone else for your feelings, issues or how your life has turned out?  How does it play out in your relationships, marriage or in the work environment? The blame game can have a powerful impact on your life. It can keep you stuck. 

Blame keeps us focused on the other person so we don’t have to work on ourselves. It’s really a deflection to dealing with our own issues. When we blame, we place responsibility for our negative feelings and upsets onto another person or situation. Focusing on blame misses the opportunity to resolve the conflict. 

How can we work on ourselves when we are focused on what someone else is doing, saying and what they have done to us? This can lead us to feel like a victim as opposed to feeling empowered. 

Once we make a decision to stop the blame game and to take ownership of our own feelings and actions, then we can focus on living out the life we want. By focusing on ourselves, we begin to feel stronger and have the courage to face our feelings and pain. Below are some initial steps to begin the process of shifting from blame to taking responsibility for our emotions.

  1. Explore your blaming patterns. Who do you blame? Why do you blame them? How often are you blaming others like your spouse, friend, co-worker, neighbor, parent, boss, etc.? Do you notice a pattern?  Do you have a pattern of wanting to be right? 
  2. Learn to recognize your own feelings. Do you know what you are feeling? Do you take time to dig deep and really figure out what is bothering you and why? Begin to pay attention and notice what you are feeling.
  3. Focus on solutions. Look at how you can resolve the conflict or work through it in order to begin the forgiveness process. 

Ultimately, blame and not forgiving doesn’t hurt the other person, it hurts you. It’s time to look within and step into an empowering state of being. It’s about becoming a better you. 


-Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

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