Step Into Your Worth | 12.14.2021

We are all here for a purpose. A universal need is to feel loved, to feel important and like you matter. We all want to feel as if we are making a difference in someone’s life, in the work place, at home, etc. We try to achieve in order to fill this black hole in our lives. So, we become “doers.” We are going from one thing to the next and barely have time to breathe. During the process, we start feeling out of control, out of balance and losing parts of ourselves. We feel completely overwhelmed.

We are trying to please everyone while in the process we end up pleasing no one and feeling depleted, exhausted and anxious. We wake up one day to say why am I doing all of this? Who am I? 

We are sleep walking through our lives. When we wake up, decide what we want and what matters, our lives shift. It might be about working through the past so you don’t feel stuck. It might be working through the feelings of not being good enough at whatever it may be.

There is no such thing as perfect. We begin comparing ourselves to others and thinking there is something wrong with us because we aren’t Martha Stewart or able to work 90-100 hours a week or have the perfect kids or spouse. When we let go of the idea of having it “all together,” then we can focus on what really matters and what you value most. When we compare ourselves we become stuck because we are no longer focused on what we want; we are focused on what we don’t have or where we fall short. 

Everyone has a story. Every person has been hurt or experienced some level of pain in their lives. Every family has some sort of “Pathology” or unhealthy patterns because there is no such thing as perfect. We are human beings. 

Here are some quick steps that are powerful:

1. 1. Explore forgiveness. Forgiveness is about you, not the other person. It might be about forgiving yourself and giving yourself grace.
   2. Write out your vision. What matters to you? What do you value? What do you want to be different in your life? Look at work, family, friends, spiritual, health, relationships, parenting, etc. Vision boards are great! 
   3. Explore your own feelings & journal. We often don’t know what we are feeling because we are too busy to stop and think. Writing them down and what you are going through really does help because you are not keeping it inside.
   4. Build a support network. Talk to people that are going to lift you up in your vision and goals. You both can serve this role for each other. It helps keep you accountable for making progress towards where you want to go. 
   5. Set healthy boundaries. Boundaries are about taking responsibility for your own feelings and choices. We can control how we respond to others. We cannot control others and rescue or fix everything. We teach others how to treat us. 
   6. Remove the masks.
   7. Speak your truth. 
   8. Give yourself grace. It’s okay to make mistakes. These are just learning opportunities. We are all humans. These are the times that we learn the most and grow and evolve. 
   9. Believe in yourself. Work on your self-talk. If you need to clear out some stuff from the past, do it. When we tell ourselves how inadequate we are, then we stay in that place. When we accept our inadequacies, then we can move past them and just know this is part of the human experience. 
   10. Never give up. You are worth it. You are enough. Be who you are and who you were created to be because you are the only you in the world.

-Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

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