Speaking Your Truth
Do you feel afraid to say how you feel in fear of being rejected, abandoned, sounding stupid, not feeling good enough or experiencing too much pain? Did you learn how to communicate your feelings? Many people never learned how to share how they feel in a healthy and productive way so they stuff or numb their emotions in order to try and avoid. Yet, we stay stuck because we never dealt with them. It could be that it wasn’t okay to feel because you had to be strong, brave or shake off the feelings.
Speaking your truth is about communicating your feelings and thoughts. We learn to let go of others’ expectations and say how we feel in order to experience freedom and joy in their lives. If we don’t speak our truth, it can lead to health issues and keep us stuck.
Do you tend to hold it in and then explode when you can’t take it anymore? Maybe you are ready for a change and to stop old patterns and negative beliefs about yourself. Below are key steps to take to begin experiencing the freedom of speaking your truth.
- Identify your feelings and fears. Explore how you feel by digging deep. Do you feel scared, happy, sad, mad, etc.? Write out what you are feeling, why you are feeling it and what your fears. Connect to where these started and let your pen take over.
- Notice how you deal with your feelings. It’s important to explore what you do with your feelings if you don’t share them in a healthy way. Do you eat, drink, shop, use the internet, shut down, watch TV, smoke, keep busy, hide behind anger or control, or intellectualize everything? These are all ways we avoid, stuff or numb our feelings. Know how you deal with your feelings and decide how committed you are to changing it.
- Communicate how you feel. It’s not only important to say how you feel, it’s important how you say it. Start by practicing sharing your thoughts in a helpful way. For example, you might say, “I feel _________ (insert feeling word like mad, scared, sad) because ____________________ I need/want_____________________.” It might look like this when you are communicating to your spouse about a trust issue, “I feel afraid you are going to leave me because that is what happened to my mom. I need to know you are committed to this relationship whatever it takes.” Avoid saying, “You always or never____.” This will cause disconnection and a possible argument.
Make a change and see where it takes you.
-Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained
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