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How Seeking Approval Blocks Us From Our Truth with Alyssa Pfennig|9.21.2022

In this episode, Kristen talks with Alyssa Pfennig, an intuitive business coach, digital marketing strategist, and a certified yoga therapist, about how to overcome approval-seeking behavior so you can create the life that you desire for yourself.

You'll Learn

  • How Alyssa overcame her approval-seeking behavior
  • Why do we constantly seek the approval of others
  • How to let go of the need for approval

Resources

alyssapfennig.com

The Fawn Response: The Origin of People Pleasing 

For counseling services near Indianapolis, IN, visit www.pathwaystohealingcounseling.com.

Subscribe and Get a free 5-day journal at www.kristendboice.com/freeresources to begin closing the chapter on what doesn’t serve you and open the door to the real you.

Subscribe to the Close the Chapter YouTube Channel

This information is being provided to you for educational and informational purposes only. It is being provided to you to educate you about ideas on stress management and as a self-help tool for your own use. It is not psychotherapy/counseling in any form.

Kristen
Welcome to the Close the Chapter Podcast. I am Kristen Boice a licenced Marriage and Family Therapist with a private practice Pathways to Healing Counselling. Through conversations, education, strategies and shared stories. We will be closing the chapter on all the thoughts, feelings, people and circumstances that don't serve you anymore. And open the door to possibilities and the real you. You won't want to miss an episode so be sure to subscribe

Kristen
Welcome back to this week's close the chapter podcast I am so excited about my guest today we go back now this is my heart is having people I'm on this journey together with join me today. So I'm going to share a little bit about who she is. And then we're gonna be talking about her journey in asking for more. Before we get on today, I was like what's coming through like we were kind of just chit-chatting. And that's what's coming through. So we're gonna just see where this takes us today, which I love. So let me introduce you to Alyssa Pfenning is an intuitive business coach, digital marketing strategist, and certified yoga therapists living her best life with her daughter in Mexico. This is so inspiring that she activates women to increase their impact, influence and income and make their dreams a reality empowering them to slice through the overwhelm and fear of entrepreneurship inside her transformative coaching programmes and VIP retreats in the mountains of central Mexico. Welcome, Alyssa.

Alyssa
Oh, thank you, Kristen. I'm so excited to be on with you.

Kristen
I'm so excited. So let me tell everybody how we met. First of all, I was researching how to become a yoga-certified instructor. And I was really searching for an outlet for me physically, like how to really connect more to my body. It was less about me teaching yoga and more about just me connecting myself to myself and my body more in movement. And so I found Jill online and then took your class or when was that I can't even now I can't remember the years is a long time ago. We've slept since then. It's been a while. And then we rented space in her yoga studio before she moved to Mexico and the pandemic hit and all the things. So well, God, I'm so excited, you're here,

Alyssa
thank you, I love that we can stay connected and truly reconnect in many ways. Now, interesting how those things shift.

Kristen
It is. And we both have a corporate background. And that bonded us to in a lot of ways because we could understand coming from the business world and then shifting into where we were called, really stepping into who you are, and what we're here to do. And that really kind of also, I think, brought us together in a lot of ways with some similarities. Definitely. Because when you have that background, and then follow your heart's calling,

Alyssa
I mean, not everybody does that. So it's nice to connect.

Kristen
You are really the one that inspired me for this podcast, because you had started a podcast and I was like, Hey, how are you doing that? And you were just walking me through how you were doing it. I've always wanted to do that. You were kind of the inspiration for me to start this Close the Chapter Podcast.

Alyssa
Thank you and look where you are today.

Kristen
I know. It's amazing. So thank you. Okay, I wanted to have you share a little bit about your journey and how you got to the point where you're living in Mexico. I know that's a big story ask, can you give us kind of your journey to get to the point where you made a decision to move to Mexico,

Alyssa
that I'm sure half the world thinks I'm crazy. But I've always been like, in my heart. I love travelling. I love culture, I love travelling, I love exploring, and I love learning new things. And so travelling and exploring is all fills that need. And that's like a part of me. And so I used to travel a lot in my 20s up until about my early 30s When I started open the yoga studio and Wellness Centre and like really was like, okay, connected to a place in Indianapolis, Indiana, where it's like, I've got to read things here, which is a different thing. And I wanted to that also was a calling, but it was a big shift. I wasn't travelling anymore as much I was travelling in the US, which to us is lovely and beautiful. There are lots of places, but the culture piece is big for me. And so, I mean, I guess I back up a little bit like for I would say for 20 years I had wanted to live somewhere else. And I remember travelling in my 20s and coming back home and like crying. And you could say it's like I've read about Crossing time zones and all that that can make you feel more depressed but honestly it was really like a piece of me was there when I was exploring and try Going and piecemeal was missing when I was home. And I looked at Do I go teach English in Korea Do I look at after I had first became a yoga teacher and I studied in Berlin, Germany, because to me spending to 10 weeks or 10 day, trips to Germany was more fun and exciting and going to New York twice a month, and also more feasible, instead of travelling so much. And so because that's where my teacher, Cindy Lee, who I studied with taught, and I just remember, like, after that I had friends, because I studied in Europe, from all over Europe, and France and assemble, and I ended up visiting them when I went in tour of Turkey, and started in Istanbul. And I thought, Gosh, I want to move here. And I really contemplated that my family's glad I didn't, but I really did. I love turkey. And I still do. And then I was I remember specifically going, am I trying to escape. And I thought, maybe I'm trying to escape. That's why I've always wanted to travel. Because I mean, none of my friends like had this bug or whatever, wonder less. And I thought, maybe I need to stay here and figure it out. And so I just continued to stay. And if I think about it like, yes, on some level, I'm there might have been some escapism there. But honestly, I was probably at some level, like I thought, oh, maybe I'm trying to see if I need to deal with things. But honestly, when I look back, no, it's just a part of me. But that took me some exploration to try to figure out because when I made the decision to follow my heart's calling of opening the yoga studio in wellness centre, I love that brought me into a whole nother level, I remember, because I built it out from an empty warehouse. And I tapped into my beauty and my creativity by building that out. And I love doing that. And that's why I love helping people build businesses, because it's like, tapping into that creativity. And I remember hadn't tapped into that before, on that level. But at the same time, it was the development of the self on a different level by having a brick and mortar business and singing in one place and building that, and putting all my energy into them. For one I learned, I used to my corporate mindset into that, and was still working the same way and long hours and that sort of stuff. And maybe that was worth, and I really loved it. But I also realised I wasn't travelling as much, as I said in the US a little bit, because it was taking a lot of my energy. And it was just a different time. But I was learning about myself in a different way. Every part of where we go is a journey. It's a step of that journey. And this was the one where I did kind of look into some of the family of origin issues, but not really, this the part of when I stayed and built the yoga studio and Wellness Centre was more about me stepping into my power, and learning how to work in a different way, which came later, the onset of the birth of my daughter really transforming them. But it was like, Okay, no, I'm the owner, I'm the boss here. And not in the now you do what I say sort of stuff. But in the I'm not doing it all by myself. How can I delegate and how can I let others support me. But that even took even more time for me to do that on an even greater level. But I ended up having really great people there. But I will admit bringing that corporate or not even the corporate that mindset that's ingrained in society culture upbringings have worked hard, long hours, that's how you'll be successful. And I brought it into that business. And I did that to the detriment of myself, I was already exhausted from doing that kind of mindset work in the corporate world. And it wasn't until my I was introduced to a lot of energy therapy staff we had there who are still friends today. And looking at the subtle body. And that kind of level. I mean, the physical body, yes. But like, that's the visible and so what about the invisible and really paying attention to that. And Chinese medicine pays attention to that as well. And really looking at about the energetics in the subtle body. That's where I needed the assistance and looking at my limiting beliefs. And again, when I was pregnant with my daughter, I was doing them even though me now, three, four years ago, I guess now and I was like, I don't want to be working like this. I want something different. And she was that catalyst on Being Well, she probably knew, but unbeknownst to her if she was the catalyst For that transformation, and that's one of the reasons I ended up after five years deciding to put the yoga studio and Wellness Centre on the market. And I had a buyer lined up in January 2020. And the thing was, okay, I have my, I always thought I would move with a partner, for some reason, like, not by myself, because there's probably fear there. And I'm like, I have my partner and my little partner, and we're going to move to LA, I didn't know if we were going to move to Mexico yet, like I looked, I was all over the place, like, do I go to Europe? Do we go to Costa Rica? Do we go to Mexico, the Caribbean. And it took me a while to figure it out. But I just knew I wanted to go somewhere. And I knew it wasn't escapism at that time. But then, of course, we all know what happened in March 2020. And my lease was up at embark the studio in April 2020. So I was like, it's either going to sell or I'm closing in. And not everybody knows that part. Because it's probably the first time I've said that. And we're gonna move to Mexico, or wherever, at that point in time. And it was like, Oh, I'll help work loosen for everybody. And it's like, my daughter was six months old. And I like, do I move in the middle of a pandemic with a six month old to another country. And so we just moved, like consolidated and moved to a one bedroom apartment, we should have started walking at nine months. So that was helpful. And we just tried something for a year, but that Coleen was still there. And for me postpartum, I had a lot of pain, I had trouble getting up and down before. I mean, here, I am a yogi, yoga therapists and I had trouble getting up and down on the floor. And it wasn't just because I had a C section, there was a lot of fear I had to deal with. during my pregnancy, there was a lot of unknowns, dealing with her father, all that stuff. And so I didn't know at the time, it ended up being Qigong and Eastern medicine that helped me because it did not want to do to get hurt, to stretch. And in Chinese medicine, if the liver energy is really off, which happens during pregnancy, because we expend so much energy of that liver sheen, then the like, it affects the tendons and everything. So that's why we don't want to do yoga. So learn all about so I'm sharing. And so I learned Qigong when I was pregnant, and Chi Gong is what helps my restless legs what helps me sleep. It's what helped me postpartum. And when I intensely went back to Qigong, with herbs and a practice of Qigong, especially in this specific lineage, my pain went away, my stiffness went away. And I had went to the naturopath and all these people for bodywork and for homoeopathy and stuff supplements, because I had all this inflammation. And it was really tied to my emotional state. So you throw fear based pregnancy, trauma during pregnancy, and then the pandemic on top of it. And then I had to furlough all my staff, and 25 people and various capacities and furlough, all of them. But still, we had online classes, and I had to do all of that. And pick it was six months old. It was insane. So the stress levels were crazy, crazy, crazy. So like that thought of, well, we're not going to Mexico. We're not moving right now. And just dealt with it. But like I said, as I work through that, and felt better. It took a long time. I was like, No, I still want to go, I still want to go. And so then it was like, where do we go. And I ended up picking Mexico because of the culture. And the richness of it like because was very beautiful, but they don't have the food of culture like Mexico does. I was like, I don't want to be around only Americans. Like I want to be around different cultures. And so that's why I chose Mexico plus the proximity to fly back. So my parents could see that grandbaby, because that was an issue. So when I finally made the decision, it was following my heart. But it was a lot of family dynamics that came up. And I remember being like, why am I still seeking the approval of my father? And I'm sure everyone out there can relate like, you're like, why am I seeking that? Because my mother was sad, but supportive, because she knew, like, for me in order for me, what I saw was my body was felt falling apart, because I wasn't following what I wanted to do. And I was like, Okay, so I'm either going to end up with a heart attack due to inflammation, or I can actually follow what I want to do. And I, my mom knew for a long time, and she was going to keep it a secret. Because from my father, which was hard for her, I finally told my dad, I mean, the first thing he said was say goodbye to us. And so it was like, and then deal with that, like I'm breaking up family dynamics. I remember I do Like, I'm 41 years old, and I have my family, I can do whatever I want to do. And I'll tell you, my dad's, for the most part fine now, although the other day, he hadn't said anything for like a year, but it was fine. We FaceTime and then the other day, he said something about, are you coming back to stay? Now we're coming back to visit, like, No, it was very interesting. But they miss me in their granddaughter, and so we'll visit and that sort of stuff. But I knew I needed to do this for me. And again, the physical was just showing me that it's like, okay, you have this choice of you can just deteriorate, and not live your dream and live up to someone else's ideals, and what they think you should be doing, and what the family thinks you should be doing. And this is interesting, because I have a client coming in. And that's what she's dealing with right now. And we're going to do a retreat for a week to get her to a place where she realises what she really wants. But I've totally been there. So I get it. And then it's like, okay, and so to make it easy, I told them, we come back for Christmas, we only be here two months. Well, then it was like COVID City and my mom had it over cron, and I wasn't ready to come back, we'll just say. And then due to various reasons, we just didn't come back. And it's been a year. And now like, ingrained, we have a life and we'll be visiting soon. And everybody just had to adjust around my sessions. And they did. That's always the interesting part. They did they adjusted, they have their own life. And I have my own and I certainly I miss my friends and family. Now I'm ready to visit. But then it gave me a chance to be like, who am I here in this life, and everybody would see pictures and be like, Mexico's been good on, good for you, like looks good on you. Because I'm doing things that are part of me. So I've lost weight, not eaten pastries, like the best pastries in the world here and lost weight. Because I'm walking everywhere. I'm happier. I told myself I would learn to dance tango, because I was learning prior to getting pregnant. And I know how to dance salsa for the last 20 years. But I was like, I'm gonna be a single I learned how to dance tango. Now. I can always improve, don't get me wrong. But it was like I'm doing things because I have help. I have a village I have support. I mean, I have a housekeeper I have nannies. And they're like family, like for my birthday. They surprise me for the birthday celebration and a giant chocolate cake and a bunch of other chocolate because they know I love that. And it was like, they're more than just stuff. They're like family. And then I have community we've had fire ceremonies and potlucks and more community that I had with before. What is interesting Christian, though, is that I'm sure it doesn't happen to like everybody who moves. But for me, and there may be something related to astrology, my Astro cartography here. But I had to deal with family of origin issues here. So it was maybe had I skipped or moved before, maybe would have dealt with them at a younger age. But I thought it was escaping. That's what I was like, was I really. And so I had a huge heart opening experience here. And it was heart opening in the sense that I what needed to be open to receive what I was starting to ask for what I had asked for. I mean, I'd always ask for more and pave different paths. One didn't work or one wasn't feeling right and followed my heart. But receiving was a whole nother level. And I knew that that was coming horses showed me that for a long time that my heart needs to be open. It was like half open to receive. And so there was a big heart opening, but it was going through all the family of origin stuff. It was going through inner child childhood experience stuff. And that was unexpected. But where I live, Mexico is also a very big healing centre. And I'm told now I believe it because I've been out in explored, there's a lot of courts below the city and in the mountains. And I'm like, wow, I totally didn't expect this experience. So I got to know myself on a whole different level. Because I knew well, this feels like I'm kind of jumping a little bit. But for me, the other thing I dealt with we had visited the year before, or sorry, like five months before we moved to see if we liked it because I thought identify the ocean, but it's hot and humid and there's lots of mosquitoes and I was like that will make me grouchy half of the year. And so but it was so easy when we were here so easy. Strangers took my daughter to the park. Well, now they're not strangers, but while I'm going to dinner and I was completely at ease, completely at ease, and that's not how I felt in the US. I mean, not the whole us in Indianapolis. And I was like oh wow, I feel at ease. I didn't realise how high my anxiety was until I took myself out and went back. And so and I have my favourite taxi driver minimum that week. We're here He's still honks when I walked by, are your stops and says, Hello, and how are you and that sort of stuff. And but I remember before we actually made the move, I was ready to move. But then I was so scared. And part of it was, I was resisting ease. Because I did not know in my life what ease felt like, I knew what hard work felt like what chaos felt like, because that was how I was raised, but ease and I was like, Oh, why am I resisting ease, like I could have a better quality of life, I could have helped. So that I wanted to share that prior to moving it was a little like, a little anxiety producing. I mean, I guess the two things I learned was how much anxiety it was holding. Because when I returned to the US, which skyrocketed, and I was aware of it. And then me watching myself deal with family dynamics, but also is the same piece, because I didn't know what that felt like. And now I do I have to watch myself, of course. But then yes, when I moved to the whole heart opening and all of that. And so it's like, now I'm at the place where that not that I'm not always on a journey at a certain level. We're all like that. But like where I've crossed that threshold, and it's starting to be more easeful and graceful. And things are turning, but it was interesting. And I wondered if I should be here for a while that I was like, everything is great, except for maybe this one thing I'm dealing with. So it was just a very interesting experience. But I'm glad that we're here and we're doing it like this is where I'm going to raise my daughter. Yes,

Kristen
that's a beautiful story. But let it go back. Because those listeners, a lot of them are doing family of origin work. They're doing inner child work. They are in the throes of working through grief around. They didn't have the mom or dad they wanted. They are we all are to some extent, sure. And not to pick on our parents. And this idea of you wanting your dad's approval is significant. We do we want. I even had my daughter say that to me. She's like, I just want your approval yesterday. And I was like, whoa. And I thought wow, that binds us so much and traps us wanting someone else's approval in our bodies in our emotional system. So can you share more how you've been? Because it's a journey. So people think well, I thought I got over that. And then sometimes it right. It's not just like you crossed the finish line. Yeah, I'm still doing my own work about the approval of your father. Yeah, share more about how you've been facing that feeling? Well, I

Alyssa
think once I started realising it, because I wasn't as I wasn't aware, I was doing that. And then it was like, I'll try not to cuss on your podcast. But I was like, I mean, I'm a grown adult. And I was just like, weird. And I had to cry and like due process with those emotions. And I was, but once I became aware, and I made the decision, like no, like, even though it's that's hard, I know he's hurt. And I also know for him, like he said, those nasty things to me from a place. Yeah, it's control. But from a place of like, he hasn't done what he really wanted. And so here I am going to do what I want, and it triggers something within him. I know that I understand that. That's not my problem. And so was understanding compassionate about that. But it was just very interesting. And I think once that became aware, it was easier to deal with. It wasn't like I just let it go. But it was like, No, it was like a decision that I've made. But I will tell you that what I found knowing that there was right side of my body issues like will stuck with my father. I had to deal with any mother issues before I could really transform the father issues. And my mother's a lovely woman, but I had a mother her and they were really young. i The mother her her mother never taught her anything. And now I watched my mom stand in her power more like I remember the first time she said I have my own mind. And I was like what my parents had been married 43 years. I mean, like I was just Whoa, but she had to learn that but me stepping into my own power helped her do that. Not in a direct way, but very indirect, energetic way. But I know I remember specifically sanding and she long meditation, because you do it for like 15 to 30 minutes. And it's amazing what like suddenly you're just crying, the motions moving. And I remember it was like three in the morning. And I grieved over not having my mom I can't remember specifically what it was. It might have just been that. I can't remember specifically what it was but it was something about not having my mom like I wanted to have my mom and I can't remember if it was necessarily mothering her or something related to that. But I just remember being like, well, that kind of came out of nowhere. But it made sense and that I had to like, work through that and work through the female lineage stuff. Because there's a lot of shame, especially from my grandmother, her mother. And I was holding a lot of that fear and shame in my body, especially my pelvic bowl. And so between Qigong and some other like body work, especially around the pelvis, and clearing, doing clearings that was helpful, but I had to move through a lot of that, to then go into my father's side. But I will tell you, like I said, once I was aware that I was seeking my father's approval, it's really aware, like, I've probably been aware of it on some level, but like really aware and stepped into it and made that decision. Because I had a daughter, I had a family, that I think that's what helped, it was like, no, wait a minute, I'm tired of doing everything for everyone. I have a family now, I want to do what's best for me and I was pushed to the point of, you can either continue with your inflammation or possible heart thing in the future, because your inflammation, or you can actually make a decision that aligns with what you really want. And I finally listened, that really helped with my father's side. Now I'm personally working through some lineage stuff on his side now. But it's more about the whole lineage as a whole, not necessarily feeling anger, or any of that. It's really kind of helping pull them in to what helps me and my father and beyond. But yeah, I don't feel like this sometimes once in a while, like when he said, Are you gonna say, I wasn't crying and angry or anything? I was just sort of like now. And then I thought about it hit me up a little bit. But I was like, No, it didn't affect me like it did before. Yeah. And hook you.

Kristen
One of the things I think is so important, is when we want more, when we seek approval, it is rooted way back. I mean, we looked at generations, we look at family systems, that meeting for approval, whether it's in a romantic relationship with your kid with someone outside, whoever that is, really goes back to doing this childhood generational work.

Alyssa
Totally, if we don't do that, I mean, that's why I shared that part of the story. Because had I probably like when I thought I was, I wanted to move to escape before, like 20 years ago, or 10 years ago, I stayed, but I didn't really do the family of origin work. I didn't know how. And so what you're sharing is, here's how like, here's the where to start, here's what needs to be dealt dealt with, which is good. And I've done so much personal development work. And I remember, I was dealing at something and where I was working with someone on more energetic soul level stuff. It was like, I was so mad, because I'm like, I've been working on this for years.

Kristen
That's what people say, they're like, oh, my gosh, why am I still dealing with

Alyssa
this? Because it's so deeply rooted in our subconscious in our lineage in our bodies. And if we don't go there, I had been in my body and move the emotions. But there were so many limiting beliefs within my subconscious, and things that were playing out still, and I hadn't necessarily went there. And that's when the heart opened me it comes in level waves and steps. I mean, we can't necessarily rush it. But yeah, the subconscious work that is huge, huge, and

Kristen
asking yourself whose approval my seeking my mother's, my father's, my grandparents, accokeek, whoever that is, is a huge question, to get freeing, and expanding your soul because you just shared the whole reason you got your body was screaming at you. And it was either your body was going to continue to scream at you. Or you had to listen to what was going on in the inside of you not listen to your parents that that you don't love them, but you couldn't live your life, it was never going to no matter what you did, it wasn't going to fill the hole in their souls. Exactly. And as I've explored this for myself, and then the whole lineage stuff, too, which is a huge thing that I like to explore and realise, as because me stepping into wealth, me stepping into the spotlight and being more prominent, which I enjoy. That is totally different from everyone that's come before me, me as a woman. I

Alyssa
was telling someone, I was working with a veteran I met in his force. And I was like, I'm the first woman in my family, who has my own businesses have a single mother and I'm rocking it and taking care of us we move to another country, and none of the women before me have these opportunities. So like what I do and what I share is to honour their sacrifices, as well as pave something new for my daughter and beyond and myself too. But it's like, all of it. It's shifting. It's the whole breaking that cycle on so many levels, not just the female lineage, but the male lineage too. And I was just doing frequency meditations on transcending the feminine and transcending the masculine. And you think, oh, what I do with the masculine so much, I'm a woman. Oh, no, it was a very interesting thing, especially when it came to control and that sort of stuff. And I was like, wow, I'm really, I mean, it's not easy to break those cycles. The other tonnes of grief to be released, I recently did some homoeopathy to help release lingering grief from my pregnancy. And then it was like, I remember I told my nannies, their mothers, my housekeeper. So like, the whole family is like family, and I hate calling them staff. It's really we have a relationship that's deeper than that. And she told me one day because I was sick in July, and then my daughter was dealing with constipation issues, which is not letting go. So I kept asking myself, What am I not letting go of that my daughter's murine and me, and because she'd never dealt with something so severe. And then like, weeks later, my housekeeper asked me, she was like, we know when you said you were fine, you weren't fine. And because we do that, okay. And we're like, we are here for you. And I told them, I said, What I realised when I was going through that I said, my heart was so broken, and I had been alone all my life. So it wasn't just my pregnancy, it was my whole life. And I was grieving all of that. And so it was just, like, makes me tear up. Now, I was grieving all of that, and it wasn't anyone's fault. It was just how it was. And things happen, you know, my sister was hit by car three, almost four. And like, you know, my, so my parents didn't, like they were dealing with their own emotions, like they didn't have it. For me, that's not their fault. So I was always independent and alone. And that's how I knew to be. And here in Mexico, and I've told friends this recently, like, I've been in community and sharing circles, and like, asked for help. And it's like, index. But, I mean, luckily, like there's an expat community. So like, we're all kind of in the same boat. So that helps, but interesting. And I was forced to ask for help. I found myself in a situation and forced and, of course, energetically by the universe, or whatever. But it was the help, I needed to help. And I needed to ask, and once I surrendered to it, and actually did, because it's like asking for help. When I'm so independent, being in community, I don't mind sharing too much. But sharing circles, but like being in community, that sort of stuff. And I was like, Oh, this, I'm learning how to do all of that. But when I surrendered, and finally, like, asked for help, things shifted in my life, it was really an interesting thing, having to rely. And I told someone, I said, my parents are wonderful. But like, asking for help, is often told no, not just monetary help, that isn't having to offer, but just didn't have a didn't have to offer or my father doesn't want to be bothered? Can you help me move in college? No, that sort of stuff, that sort of things. And so I saw I learned not to ask, you learn not to ask. And then. So it's very interesting how those things come up. But once you really deal with them and really allow, but that whole, if your heart is calling and thing, you're physically falling apart, and you're not listening, it's interesting when I have conversations with clients, and they'll be like, Oh, my website done or this or that, or I have this marketing idea, or I love this business, I want to do this and then it's like, in the middle, it's like, Oh, I really want and then that's what we need to get to know that's what really want Yeah, exactly. So I went so fast, like keep going into so much deeper dive here. Three things you would say to the listener who's like, I want to really heal this need to know my inner child stuff. I want to heal this fear of asking for help or wanting more in my life, or wanting someone's approval, what are three things you would say to them? Definitely doing things that connect the mind and body so you can see and feel where that is in your body and start to really pay attention and link that together. So whether that's yoga, some different types of body works, other movement practices, definitely mind body, I mean, even Chi Gong, you could feel that and then doing the energy practices whether energy clearings are great. They're amazing. But like doing regular clearing energy work that working on the subtle body on somehow. So whether it's acupuncture or it's doing your own clearing kind of stuff with just tonnes of information about, they're just like clearing somehow, whether it's pelvic clearing, but like clearing the energy, because the energy is when it doesn't move and allow, so allowing it to flow when it doesn't move. And Qigong is very helpful for that yoga helps, Qigong actually helps re generate energy to a different level, or it's herbs that helped move the energy and that kind of stuff. So getting into the subtle body. And then when it comes to I mean, all of that will like bring it to the surface. And then working on subconscious work, whether that is soul contract level, we're working on therapy, family of origin stuff, but like, you have to bring it to the surface, or you're never going to be able to deal with it. And so if it's not brought to the surface and made aware, so definitely doing that, because you can do all the body work in the world, you can do all the yoga in the world. But if you're not actually bringing that to the surface, you can't move past it can't really sit and process it. So where can people find you? This has been fantastic. And if people want more information about you, where can they find you?
Alyssa: Sure. So alsyssapfinneg.co m my website and you can find me there and I'm on Instagram and Facebook but most active on Instagram at at Alyssa Pfinneg.

Kristen
And we'll put that in the show notes. Thank you, Alyssa. I love you. And I'm so grateful for our time today.

Alyssa
Thank you Kristen for having me on and letting me share.

Kristen
Thank you so much for listening to the Close the Chapter podcast. My hope is that you took home some actionable steps, along with motivation, inspiration and hope for making sustainable change in your life. If you enjoyed this episode, click the subscribe button to be sure to get the updated episodes every week and share it with a friend or a family member. And for more information about how to get connected visit kristendboicecom. Thanks and have a great day.