Kristen
Welcome to the Close the Chapter podcast. I am Kristen Boice, a licenced Marriage and Family Therapist with a private practice Pathways to Healing counselling. Through conversations, education, strategies and shared stories. We will be closing the chapter on all the thoughts, feelings, people and circumstances that don't serve you anymore. And open the door to possibilities and the real you. You won't want to miss an episode so be sure to subscribe Welcome to this week's close the chapter podcast

Kristen
I am so happy you're here with me and my guest today, we have such an important topic that I feel passionate about. And I know so many of you are dealing with in your own life. So let me introduce you to my guest, who I'm really excited to have on the show today. Richard Caprio, Allah has been a mental health and substance abuse counsellor for over two decades, he treated both teens and adults at the Menninger Clinic in Houston, Texas, and is the author of the addicted child, a parent's guide to adolescent substance abuse. This is such an important topic, and you can get that on Amazon, is that correct? Or anywhere books are sold? That's correct. And this is an important resource. If you're dealing with a child that's struggling with any kind of addiction issues, I highly recommend this book. And he also just was telling me, you have a workbook that goes with

Richard
the book. That's correct. There's a workbook to help parents.

Kristen
Wonderful. So welcome to the show. Richard. I'm thrilled to have you. Thank

Richard
you, Kristen. It's an honour to be here. And I appreciate so much for taking the time to talk to me about this important topic. Yes,

Kristen
it is one topic that I think we can't have too much conversation around. Right? I mean, we're just in a time right now, where people are the most addicted we've ever been in history.

Richard
Yes, it is a critical time and even more so for parents to be as knowledgeable as they can about this topic.

Kristen
And a lot of parents feel like they don't know where to start. They're like so overwhelmed, they feel lost, they feel a lot of shame. I've created this, I've done something wrong as a parent. So let's start with that. And then fill in any blanks that were left out maybe in your introduction on how you got into the field. Well, I

Richard
got into the field after working in education for over three decades. And I transitioned out of that career into working first in mental health at a regional mental health crisis centre in Illinois, and then went to work for Menninger Clinic in Houston, Texas, where for over a decade I was an addictions, Counsellor treating both teens and adults with both mental health and substance abuse issues. But you're very correct in terms of the feelings that many parents have when they find out that their son or their daughter has been using substances. So many times I would sit across from a family and I would go over their child's history of using substances, what they'd been using, how often they'd been using, and give them a diagnosis of what we now call a substance use disorder. And many times they would look across at me and they would say, I had no idea this was going on. Or if they did suspect their child was using a substance, they might say I sort of thought something was going on. But I didn't think it was this bad. And these are good parents doing the best job they can they missed the warning signs, because nobody told them what to look for. They had no idea of what to look for. And as you mentioned, then they're caught in this crisis situation of a child who's using substances and they begin to feel as if they failed as a parent, how did I miss the warning signs? What went wrong? What kind of a parent Am I what kind of a family are we and they really start to have all of these very normal, but very intense emotions surrounding the fact that their child has been using a substance. And that's the primary reason why I wrote my book, The addicted child, a parent's guide to adolescent substance abuse, I wanted parents to have the knowledge, the information that would help them feel better prepared to deal with this issue, not be paranoid about it, but feel better about it feel more confident about it, that if they have to face this issue, they have the tools, and they have the knowledge and the information to be able to deal with it. So I kept it to about 100 pages because parents are busy. They don't have time to read volumes of information, but I wanted to pack it with as much information as I could, including the warning signs that would help parents feel more empowered, feel better prepared to deal with this issue if they have to, to know what the warning signs are the treatment options and did just feel more knowledgeable and prepared about this topic. What are

Kristen
the warning signs so let's jump right in to really processing what do we look for?

Richard
It varies from substance to substance. I Warning Signs in my book for a child that might be using marijuana, I have warning signs for a child that might be drinking alcohol. And I included warning signs for a child that might be developing an eating disorder and warning signs for a child that might be self injuring, because sometimes those can accompany not all the time. But sometimes those can accompany a child using a substance. So those specific warning signs are in the book. But as a general rule, what I recommend to parents is pay attention to the changes that you see in your child. Don't assume that these changes are just normal, adolescent acting out behaviour, they may very well be that but they might also be a sign that there's something else going on underneath the surface, that as a parent, you want to investigate a little further. So some examples would be a child whose grades are starting to decline. A child who used to participate in extracurricular activities no longer shows an interest or participates in those activities. A child who used to introduce you to their friends, you knew who their friends were, you may have even known who some of their family members were now becomes very secretive, of who their friends are a child who becomes very secretive about where they've been and what they've been doing a child whose behaviour changes dramatically. And then obviously, if you find any drug paraphernalia in your child's room, or around the house that's very concerning some of these warning signs, they may come and go quickly. And if they do, they may not be too concerning. But if they tend to linger on and on and you begin to see more and more of these warning signs, that may be a signal that you want to get some of our fresh and all assessments and some professional advice as to what's going on to rule in or rule out whether or not there's an issue that you as a parent need to deal with?

Kristen
How do parents have the conversation? Because I have a lot of people in my office come in and like we don't even know how to approach the conversation around alcohol, marijuana, prescription drugs? How do you start the conversation?

Richard
Well, if you're concerned that your child is using a substance or drinking alcohol, I think the first thing you want to do is have a conversation with your child. And by that I mean, you don't threaten, you don't accuse, you don't punish, you don't warn, you want to come at this conversation with your child, from an inquiring point of view, a curiosity point of view. In other words, I'm noticing these behaviours, or I'm noticing this or that. And I'm curious as if you can help me understand why I'm seeing these things are I'm concerned that you might be doing such and such, can you help me understand why I'm so concerned about this. So you invite the child into a conversation with you about your concerns about what you're afraid of, or about what you've observed from your child, and inviting them to give you feedback. Now, that's a conversation that's likely to go one or two ways, it's either going to blow up, and the child's going to become argumentative and defensive. And that'll tell you something, or you may actually learn some things. But regardless of how that conversation goes, if you're concerned, as a parent, you need to move to the next step, which is to consult a professional, get the assessments done rural and or rural out whether or not there's an issue that needs to be dealt with. And if there is get some guidance on how to move forward with a treatment plan.

Kristen
And when we're talking about addictions, I was trying to look at my notes on the percentage of we know one in five struggle with addictions. But I was looking at the earlier the statistic on the earlier someone is introduced to a substance, the more likely they are to develop an addiction. Can you speak into that a little bit?

Richard
Well, we know that the large majority of addiction begins in the adolescent years. So it's a very vulnerable time for somebody getting trapped by addiction. One of the examples that I can cite is that teenagers who start drinking before the age of 50, are five times more likely to develop alcohol dependence or abuse than someone who starts drinking after the age of 21. So again, pointing to the fact that adolescence is a very vulnerable time. And it's important for parents to understand why that vulnerability is there. And the vulnerability is there because the adolescent brain is in the process of maturing and developing our brains don't become fully developed until age 2425. So that adolescent brain is in the process of becoming, forming the circuits and the connections and maturing and developing those skills that that child will need later in life. So that maturing developing brain big I was very vulnerable when we introduced toxic substances to it, like alcohol or marijuana or nicotine, and can do some subtle but significant changes in the brain that you as a parent might not pick up on, that are going on underneath the surfaces. So adolescence is a very vulnerable time, in terms of brain development.

Kristen
How important and this to me in the work I do, is inviting clients into rumbling with their own relationship with alcohol and substances. How important is that when you have a teen struggling with addiction, that the parents are also examining their own relationship with alcohol, marijuana, any kind

Richard
of substance, I think it depends on how that parent is examining their own relationship with a substance like alcohol, perhaps they've had a period in their life when they've been abusing alcohol, or maybe even had become dependent on alcohol, and went into treatment and recovered from that. That can be a tremendous learning experience for a teenager sharing your own experiences with a substance and the negative consequences that you faced as a result of your own behaviours and your own use of a substance. And if you overcame it, how did you overcome it? And how did it help improve your life? Those can be experiences that can be very enlightening for a child to see their own parent as having been vulnerable, having perhaps, fallen victim to using a substance and then had the courage to overcome.

Unknown Speaker
Yes, I

Kristen
think it's the most powerful thing that can happen is vulnerability from a parent sharing their own struggles and how they work through them. How much does denial play a role with kids and the family system in terms of addiction?

Richard
Well, that's an interesting question, because it drives right at two of the reasons why I think we see so many teenagers using substances. The first is availability. These drugs are widely available, and teenagers know it. 85% of high school seniors tell us that getting a hold of marijuana is no big deal. It's easy to do. 90% of them tell us getting alcohol, it's no big deal. It's easy to do. And they say that the other hardcore drugs, prescription drugs, for example, this no problem if they want to get it so these drugs are widely available, and teenagers know it. The other issue though, is a perception of harmfulness. teenagers do not in general think that these drugs are harmful. When we ask high school seniors, how harmful Do you think it is to smoke marijuana on a regular basis? Only 22% tell us they think that's harmful. Only about 22% of them tell us that they think drinking alcohol, one or two drinks almost every day is harmful. So you have wide availability of substances that teenagers know it's available, and a very low perception of harm among teenagers who don't think these drugs like marijuana are harmful, or alcohol is harmful. So when you combine the two drugs being widely available, and a low perception of harmfulness, you set the stage for some of the substance abuse that we see going on in the teenage population.

Kristen
Now there's kind of a rationalisation like, oh, it's not going to harm me. In a way. It's exactly

Richard
that or the perception while marijuana is legal. For adults, it can't be that bad. And it's becoming more and more legal. But the missing component there is yes, it is legal in a lot of places for adults, but it's not legal for adolescents. And for the very reason I mentioned earlier before the adolescent brain is maturing and developing and introducing substances like marijuana or alcohol to it can do some damage, because you

Kristen
don't have that prefrontal cortex that the CEO of the brain that has the rational thought that has the impulse control online dialling because it's not fully developed. And in looking at the teenage brain and turning on a switch, some kids are more like you have foetal alcohol syndrome, they're going to be more prone to I mean, turning that switch on in the brain genetics versus nature versus nurture versus trauma, and how that can turn on kind of an addictive cycle break down. How does that get turned on in the brain? Because some people might have a drink and not develop a problem while others do? Well, I

Richard
think there's two things that are important. One is genetics. You mentioned that if you have a genetic history in your family, substance abuse or substance dependency are much more vulnerable to becoming addicted. But that's true of any disease. If you have hypertension in your family, what does that mean? You're more vulnerable to getting hypertension. If you are a woman and there's breast cancer in your family. What does it mean? It means you're more vulnerable to getting breast cancer so it like any other men equally, disease addiction is no different if there's a genetic component to it, so if it runs in your family you're vulnerable, doesn't mean you're necessarily going to get the disease or become addicted. It just means that you need to be aware that is, is a vulnerability in your genetic composition. But it takes more than genetics to tip somebody over the edge and get them addicted. It takes an environmental factor. So you take genetics, and you add an environmental factor, and that sets a person up for substance abuse. And some of these environmental factors include high levels of stress, high levels of abuse, who peers are running around with peer pressure, and merging personality disorders, anxiety. So there's a lot of environmental factors that come into play, I think it's important that parents understand that no child is totally protected from being caught up by alcohol or drugs, there's protective environments, but no child is totally protected. It doesn't matter where you live, urban rural or suburban area, doesn't matter what your level of income is, doesn't matter what church you may go to, doesn't matter what school you send your child to, all children are subjected to becoming caught up by some type of substance, or alcohol. And that's something that parents just need to be aware of not be paranoid about. But just be aware of, because sometimes parents get caught up into this idea that this can't happen into my child, this can't happen in my school, this can't happen in my neighbourhood. But believe me, every child is vulnerable.

Kristen
It was interesting, we did, I don't know if you've heard of brain mapping, where you they take basically put a cap over your brain, they're taking pictures of your brain, and then they scan it within all the databases of the brain imaging that they have. So we did this with our two girls. And one of my daughters came back is a highly addictive brain that she cannot have. I mean, they recommended no alcohol like she can, she has a propensity for addiction. And I mean, this is when she was young. This was elementary school. And she did I mean, she likes sugar. So it was interesting to get that imagery in that information and to educate her about brain development, even though she's young and talk about the impact of alcohol and drugs in she's also watching what we're doing as parents, how important do you think it is to have early conversations about the impact that alcohol and drugs can have?

Richard
I think it's critical. And I also think it's one of the areas where our school system is letting families and children down in terms of drug education, this idea of having an assembly once a year, and you bring in law enforcement, and they tell you all these horror stories about drugs, that that doesn't sink into these kids. And in my history of working with teenagers, it didn't do me any good to tell teenagers that the drugs were illegal, it didn't do me any good to tell them that if they kept smoking marijuana, for example, their grades might decline, they might not graduate, or get into college or get a job. They didn't believe any of that. So it didn't do any good for me to talk about those things. But what did make a difference? What made a difference to these kids was the neuro science, because kids are very curious. They want to learn about the brain, they want to learn about how the brain works and what it does. So when I talked to them about the neuroscience that captured their attention, and when I showed them a picture of the brain, and what the different areas of the brain do like the prefrontal cortex you were talking about, and help them see that there's an area of the brain that helps them talk, there's an area of the brain that helps them walk and coordinate, there's an area of the brain that helps them process information. And then I would show them another graph another picture of where marijuana attached itself in the brain. And I have those charts in my book, but it was like, they could immediately see how marijuana affected them in the brain, how it worked in the brain. So I think for very young kids, elementary school kids, I would start by simply educating them about the brain, teach them about the brain, teach them how important it is. Teach them what the brain does teach them that the brain is developing. And the need to protect the brain that you do in elementary school, and you reinforce it every year. And then as they move into middle school and high school and now that they have a good understanding of what the brain is and how it works and how important it is. When they move into middle school in high school, you can start to introduce how these drugs work in the brain and how they can affect the brain. And I think that can be very powerful for kids starting in elementary school all the way through high school. I think so too.

Kristen
I think we're missing it. When Ronald Reagan Nancy Reagan, this is your brain this is your brain on drugs and pouring the egg into the pan. I actually showed my kids this cuz I thought it was simple enough, but this is what it's doing to your brain at times. I mean, it's a little drastic but and yet it's the truth that it does impact your brain and impacts how you feel about yourself. Because what I find is kids are in pain. They're in emotional pain, whether that's abandonment, rejection, shame, from abuse, or just feeling not good enough, or they want to fit in, they want to belong, they want to be somebody, they want to feel special, they want to be a part of something. Do you feel like we don't part of addiction as we don't know how to teach people how to deal with their emotional pain?

Richard
Absolutely. I think there are many reasons why teenager turns to using substances. Some of it might be curiosity, they just heard about this substance, they want to see what it's like. Some of it might be peer pressure. They're hanging around with friends who are using substances, alcohol or marijuana, and they feel pressured to fit in and to go along with their friends. And they get introduced to a substance that way. And then there's a certain number of kids who are using a substance to medicate. An underlying psychological issue might be depression or anxiety or some type of trauma or being bullied many of the teenagers that I worked with at Menninger Clinic over smoking marijuana. When I asked him to help me understand why they were smoking so much marijuana, the number one answer that came back was it helps me with my anxiety. So for some kids, not all, but for some kids, there may be an underlying psychological reason as to why that child is using a drug or alcohol to medicate that underlying issue. And unfortunately, those underlying issues often go undiagnosed and untreated. We know about the alcohol and the drugs, but we need to dig a little bit deeper to see if there's an underlying psychological emotional issue. That child is using a substance to medicate.

Unknown Speaker
Yes, I have so many questions. Okay. The

Kristen
first one is, I get a lot of people in the office going well, they rationalise their own alcohol use, they don't know, if you're drinking every single day, multiple drinks a day that there's a dependency there, they think, well, everybody does it. So or they think marijuana is coming from a plant, it's not that big of a deal. So how do you in those messages get passed on to kids, right? There's tonnes of conditioning, we've got all kinds of messages that go to children. What is a dependency? Like, what is an actual dependency? How much does is it consumption? Is it talk to me a little bit about what is dependency on a substance

Richard
dependency, which we used to diagnose either as abuse or dependency, we don't diagnose it that way anymore. It's now a substance use disorder, which can either be mild, moderate, or severe. Severe equates to what we used to call a dependency. So it recognises that a person might be using a substance on a continuum, they may use it in a mild way, they may use it in a moderate way. Or they may use it in a severe way and develop what we used to call a dependency. Now, which category you fit in mild, moderate, or severe, or dependency really comes down to how that substance is disrupting your life. What are the consequences of that, and the more consequences that we see, the more destructive that substance is in a person's life. And one of the indicators is a development of tolerance, you need more and more and more of this substance to get the feeling that you want. So a person who has a dependency slowly begins to increase the consumption of the drug or the alcohol or whatever it is, but it's more than that, too. That's just one indicator. But overall, what we're looking at is how disruptive is this substance to a person's life. And the more destructive it is, the more likely the person is to end up in a category of what we call severe substance use disorder, or what we used to call dependency. So we really look at how that drug is disrupting the person's life.

Kristen
And let's say someone doesn't want to get the help they someone has a teenager and they don't want to get help. They don't want to do the work they want to keep using.

Richard
That's almost every kid that I've worked with at Menninger Clinic, none of them wanted to come into the hospital, none of them wanted to get treatment, none of them want to deal with the issue because they didn't think it was a big deal. But fortunately, their parents held the line. And the situation had gotten so out of control had gotten so severe, that the parents felt as if they had no alternative but to admit their child into a psychiatric hospital, not just for the substance use that was a major component of it. But also because many of these kids had a severe underlying psychological issue that they were struggling with. So as a parent, you're not going to have a child that's going to say, Okay, let's go to treatment. Okay, let's get the assessments done. Okay. This is a problem is very rare if that ever happens. But as a parent, it's probably not going to be the first time you heard your child say no to you. You're probably used to your child telling You know, but also as a parent, you need to take the responsibility to step up and insist that you get the assessments done. If there's a diagnosis and a problem identified, that you get a treatment plan, and that you get a plan that will provide adequate treatment for your child, your child's not going to agree to it, just accept that it's not going to happen, they're not going to agree to it. But what we do know is that treatment works, we know that treatment works, you don't have to be willing to go into treatment for it to work, it will still work. So as a parent, I think, just understand that your child's probably not going to be too enthusiastic about getting assessments or going into counselling, or therapy, or residential treatment. But we know that it works. All of the kids that I worked with didn't want to come into the hospital. But I noticed that after a week or two, they sort of settled into the treatment process. They got to know the other kids, they got involved in the groups, and I saw them turn around in a short period of time.

Kristen
So how important is the support system when poor parents themselves to have a support system and for the kids,

Richard
it is absolutely essential that parents have a support system, because they are going through such a wide range of emotions. How did this happen? What kind of a parent Am I what did I do wrong? What is other people think about me and our family. And these are all very normal and common emotions to struggle with. So what I say to parents is, if you're going through this, if you have a child that is abusing a substance, or in treatment for abusing a substance, you deserve to have a support system around you develop that support system, maybe it's other family members, maybe it's close friends, maybe it's your church community, maybe it's your local mental health association, maybe it's a professional therapist, or social worker or counsellor, develop that support system, because this is going to be a journey, this is going to be something that takes time. So you're going to need and you deserve to have a good support system that will walk that journey with you. For adolescents, I think it's important to have a great support system to and because they're going through their own trauma, they're going through their own trials, and if they can be in a supportive group, and have a support group around them. And that's what many adolescent support groups are all about. I think that can be a critical component of their overall treatment and recovery.

Kristen
When someone enters into treatment for the first time, the parents and the let's say the child comes out of treatment, and they're sober at that point. How important is it for the parents to let's say, the child had addiction to alcohol, not have alcohol in the home, and they have to make changes and no longer drink? Maybe they drink at Christmas time with the whole family? And how important is it that behaviour changes.

Richard
I think it's important that the behaviour change if you have a child who's coming home from recovery, regardless of the substance, it's important that even if you're a parent of an adolescent, it's important that you secure all of the medications that you have in your house, we have all kinds of prescription and over the counter medications in our homes. And it's important that those be secured. If you have an adolescent living at home. The same thing is true of alcohol, if you have alcohol in the home, it's important that that be secured because teenagers are very clever. They know how to get into the medicine cabinet, they know how to get into the liquor. And many times they do it in ways that are very sneaky and very clever. And you might not notice. So as a general rule, keep all medications and liquor secured. If you have a child coming home from recovery, it's even more important that you take those safeguards.

Kristen
Do you find parents struggle with that? If they have they like, well, it's not a big deal. We're at Christmas, and we always have wine with the turkey. I'm making this up. But do you feel like parents have a struggle with not having that available? If they're used to having that because I find I work a lot with this piece?

Richard
Yeah, I think parents do have a struggle with it. Because I don't think parents see the risk involved in it. I think that they view their alcohol consumption differently than their child's alcohol consumption. So they don't have a problem with themselves having a drink every once in a while or at special occasions or family events. And they don't stop to think what is the child thinking about this because children pay attention to what they see. They pay attention to the behaviours that they see. The other issue that I often hear sometimes is it's okay if my child drinks alcohol, but they can only do it at home. I don't want them drinking away from home. Now, some may think that's very reasonable. But what the research tells us is that parents who take that attitude that my child drink at home but not away from home, those children actually go on after school after high school to college. She ended up drinking more alcohol than kids who come from an environment and your homework was prohibited altogether. That's

Kristen
so interesting, because you wouldn't people don't think that they think I'm doing it because it's safer. And I'll take everyone's keys, I'll be the parent. And I'm like, No, don't. But that's the rationalisation, right? They think it's safer in their minds,

Richard
they do. And unfortunately, it can boomerang and come back and have devastating consequences, the leading cause of death for ages 15 to 24 years old, or auto accidents, homicides, and suicides. And alcohol is a leading factor in all three car crashes, homicides and suicides. That's a leading cause of death of people between ages 15 and 24. And every one of them has alcohol as a leading component.

Kristen
So what can we do as parents as prevention? What are some of your advice on preventative measures?

Richard
Well, again, it depends on the age of the child, if you have an elementary school child, as I was saying, Before, I would start educating them on the importance of protecting their brain. And as they move through school, into middle school in high school introduced how drugs affect the brain so that they get an understanding, number one, protecting their brain. And number two, how these drugs and alcohol can negatively affect the brain. So it's an education process that runs over their entire elementary and secondary education. If you have a teenager, I think your best approach is to try to open up the discussion on the neuroscience, they're not going to respond to you lecturing them about how it's illegal, or how it's not good for them, or how they shouldn't be doing that. But they may open up and they may be curious about how the brain works, and how substances work in the brain. The other thing is, as a parent of a teenager, you want to develop that sense of trust, you want to have conversations with your child that reflect your understanding of their feelings, you know, we're pretty good at listening to each other's words when we talk. So when we talk to our kids, or we talk to each other, we're really good at hearing the words that they're saying. But unfortunately, we're not so good at hearing the feelings behind those words. And that's a skill that every parent can learn. And every parent can practice. So that when we're listening to our children, we're not just hearing their words, we're hearing the feelings behind those words. And we're reflecting them back to make sure that the feelings that we think we're getting a hold of, are actually there. And when a parent can do that, have a conversation with a child where they're picking up on the child's feelings, and not just the words, that can be a powerful tool.

Kristen
I'm huge until emotional education, and empowerment, emotions live in the body, and how to connect to emotions, process, name them. And when I love that, you're saying what a parent can see beneath what they're saying, and to the emotions and then offer empathy and acknowledgement, not try to fix rescue or save right? Hold the space. How do you recommend a parent do that? I'd love to hear how you like people like, well, I don't know how to do that. Sounds good. What you're saying, but I don't know how to do that.

Richard
It's practice, you're not going to become an expert on it overnight, and you're going to fumble around with it, you're going to make mistakes, you're going to get frustrated with it, it's not going to work out the first few times, it's not going to magically happen. But the more you stick with it, the more you practice the skills, the more skillful you can become with it and gets back to basically having an enquiring point of view. So when you're having a discussion with your child, you're listening to the feelings, and then you're reflecting those back to make sure that the feelings that you think you picked up on are accurate. I sense that you're very angry, or I sense that you're feeling sad, or I sense that you're feeling depressed, help me understand if that's correct. So basically, you're picking up on what you're feeling and what you're sensing from your child. But you're asking them, you're inviting them into the conversation to give you feedback to make sure that what you're picking up on what you're sensing is correct. So you want to do it from an inquiring point of view. I'm seeing these things, I'm picking up on these things. I sense that you're doing feeling this way or that way. Is that correct?

Kristen
I think it's the most powerful thing we can learn how to do. And it takes us being able to connect to our own emotions to be able to see them and other people sometimes. So if I disconnected from myself, I'm going to have a real hard time authentically seeing what my child has seen, because I don't want to put what I'm feeling on my kid. I want to actually see what are they actually feeling. So it takes me doing my own exploration with curiosity about what I feel. So then I can offer empathy and see and pick up on what my child might feel.

Richard
Yeah, that's an excellent point because I think one thing that parents can do is pay attention to their own image. Emotions, pay attention to their own feelings and process those and bring those out. If you have a good friend that you can process with, that's great. If not, perhaps a counsellor or a therapist, a social worker, psychologist, we can all benefit by getting professional help. And parents can learn these skills, they can practice them, they can get feedback on them, and they can learn to be pretty good listeners over time.

Kristen
Yeah, when we listen more, talk less, and I have to go by it. Sometimes when my teens are talking, it's like, buy it. Just listen, because we want to help. We think we're being helpful. And we want to get all the advice from our life lessons, when they don't want any of that, they just need to hear it here.

Richard
Oh, we want to rescue them.

Kristen
Yes. Because we struggle, we don't want them to hurt like we hurt, we don't want them to be in pain, like we've been in pain, we want to protect them from all that. And the truth is, we can't,

Richard
we can't, but we can guide them, we can become advisors, we can help them along the journey, they can benefit from our mistakes, and they can learn and our role as teenagers grow into adulthood, we tend to become more advisors than dictators. And but at early ages, I think there's a lot that we can do with young girls and young boys, to help them feel as if we as their parents are someone that can be there that they can trust. When we ask kids. And I have this in my book, when we ask teenagers, what is it that keeps you from talking to your parents about things that are bothering you? The number one answer that comes back is a fear of being judged? Teenagers fear of being judged, especially by their parents. So the more as a parent that you can help your child feel safe, feel as if you're a source a non judgmental source for them to get information, then I think the more you can create that trusting relationship that I think most of these kids want. Yes.

Kristen
Did they say anything else? Besides fear of judgement? This is

Richard
interesting. That was the primary thing that came out of it was consistently. Yes, yeah.

Kristen
Interesting. What other pieces do we not cover that you think are important as it relates to substance abuse and teens and parenting through anything else,

Richard
I think the message that I would leave with parents is a message of hope. In other words, if you have a child that is struggling with a substance use issue, if your family is struggling with it, there is a sense of hope, we know that the brain, for example, has a remarkable capacity to heal itself. We know that treatment works. We know that teenagers can get through this, I've seen dozens of examples where teenage boys and teenage girls came into the hospital with severe substance use disorders and severe psychiatric psychological disorders. Many of them went on to residential treatment. And I heard back from some of them, and they did remarkably well. They engaged in the treatment, they went through the programme, they graduated, they went on to college. So we know treatment works, we know that there is a sense of hope out there. So if you're a parent, and you're worried about this, or you're going through it, please understand that there is effective treatment, there are options that you have your child and your family can get through this and can recover from it.

Kristen
That's good, because a lot of times you feel a lot of despair,

and powerlessness. And that's normal. I'm so grateful for you and what you're doing in the world, I think we need it so desperately. And to talk more about it openly. I think there's such a stigma around it. And when we can just say, Hey, you're not alone in this. And this is a safe place to share it and have more conversation around it. I think that's transformative.

Richard
It is it's very transformative. And I think the more we can openly discuss these issues, the more families can talk about them, then I think we're just better prepared.

Kristen
Absolutely. Where can people find you? If they're interested in wanting to know more? We know they can get your book on Amazon. Where else can they find you?

Richard
I would suggest they go to the book's website, which is www healthy addicted child.com. When they get to their website, they can read endorsements and reviews, I posted a couple of blog articles. One is an article on how the pandemic affected teenage substance use. Another one is 10 Easy sort of fun questions that you can ask your child to check in on their mental health. And they can use those to check in every once in a while. And then if they want to order either the book which is available as a Kindle or paperback or the parent workbook, there's a link that will take them directly to Amazon where they can purchase either the book or the workbook. There's a link also, if they want to send me a comment or ask me a question. They can do that it'll come right to me. Oh, I

Kristen
love that. I know we didn't touch on the pandemic but it really a significant impact. contains beliefs we've seen in our practice. And we know that research shows that

Richard
the research does show that during the pandemic year of 2020, one's teenage substance abuse dropped dramatically. Unfortunately, teenage mental health went the opposite direction. But we've known there's been a crisis in teenage mental health for over a decade. But the pandemic just blew it up and made it worse but substance use during the pandemic year 2021 went down. There'll be new research data that comes out after the start of 2023. And we'll be able to see if in 2022, the decline that we saw in 21, did it remain stable? Or did it increase now that kids got back into their regular academic and social relationships?

Kristen
It'll be interesting to see if they use substances because mental health, we already knew there was a crisis. I agree 100%. I mean, if they are using that to manage their mental health, we'll see. Because we saw such an uptick, if there's going to be an uptick. My gut says, Yes, that's what we're seeing in our office.

Richard
My guess is you're right, I think when the data comes out for 2022, that the decline that we saw in adolescent substance abuse and 2021, because of the pandemic, I suspect, it's going to rebound. And we may see a significant increase in adolescent substance use throughout 2022. Some of that will be related to kids getting back into their social environment back into the regular classroom, back with their peers. And some of it will be related to the ongoing mental health crisis that we're seeing in the teenage population. But I would suspect that the data for 2022 will show an increase, perhaps a significant increase in the number of kids that are using substances.

Kristen
That's my gut, because we're seeing the numbers are staggering. For adults, the increase during COVID For adults, and if they're home with the adults that are consuming are seeing an increase in consumption. I think that is eventually it's going to be interesting to see the data. But hopefully this podcast in your book and more information will help bring that down, the more we can get this out there, the better. So

Richard
knowledge is power. And hopefully parents can read this book in a short period of time, and walk away thinking, Okay, I've got this, I feel a little less afraid, a little less paranoid, and more confident that if I have to deal with this issue, I know what to do. I hope I don't. But if I do, I feel better prepared.

Unknown Speaker
I like it. And I liked it, it was 100 pages. Because everyone's attention spans are small.

Richard
It is parents don't have time to read volumes of information on this. They want something short and something concise, that they can read very quickly keep on the bookshelf and use as a reference. And that's what I tried to accomplish.

Kristen
Well, thank you so much. It sounds like it has a tremendous amount of resources. I highly recommend everybody get it. And thank you, Richard, for your heart and your energy and your time and the work you're doing in the world. Appreciate you being on the show.

Richard
Thank you so much for inviting me and for participating in the discussion with your thoughtful questions and comments. I think that added value to the programme and I hope that everyone who listens to us today finds the information we shared was very helpful. So thank you for inviting me. Thank you.

Kristen
Thank you so much for listening to the close the chapter podcast. My hope is that you took home some actionable steps, along with motivation, inspiration and hope for making sustainable change in your life. If you enjoyed this episode, click the subscribe button to be sure to get the updated episodes every week and share with a friend or a family member. For more information about how to get connected visit kristendbocie.com. Thanks and have a great day.