Kristen
Welcome to the Close to Chapter podcast. I am Kristen Boice a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private practice Pathways to Healing counselling. Through conversations, education, strategies and shared stories. We will be closing the chapter on all the thoughts, feelings, people and circumstances that don't serve you anymore and open the door to possibilities and the real you. You won't want to miss an episode, so be sure to subscribe Welcome to this week's close to Chapter podcast. Thank you so much for joining me. I'm excited to share this conversation that I had with my guest today as we talked about overcoming trauma, how to have more freedom and fun in your life and stop second guessing yourself and how to work through shame and self doubt. It was a really good conversation and her story is powerful. A Brielle Franks is the CEO and president of a Braille and CO and is a master community builder, and digital product launch strategist. Her superpower is galvanising online communities social media content marketing and sales. April's mission is to close the gender pay gap by helping women make more money through entrepreneurship, which allows her clients to also create job opportunities that pay women fairly. Her clients are coaches subject matter experts in speakers looking to change their life and impact others and make a great living and not subscribing to the hustle culture. So I want to give a pre disclaimer here or little trigger warning, we do use colourful language. And this probably is not going to be appropriate some parts of it for little kids. So I just wanted to put that out there. So you may want to pause or listen to this when you're by yourself on a walk, or at home cleaning or in your car or wherever. And there's so much good in this and helpful information. So you can have more joy and fun in your life. And if you want a free healing guide, be sure to download it from Kristen k r i s t n d boice.com. forward slash free resources, you get a free journal emailed right to your inbox. If you find this episode helpful, please tag us at Kristen D Boice. On Instagram and Facebook. You can also share it on Twitter at Kristen Boice. It just helps get the word out to those that are also struggling with self doubt and have not a lot of hope on how to work through trauma and have more freedom in their lives. Because I think that is what I see plaguing so many people being stuck in their heads fear of what other people think fear, rejection and abandonment, fear of judgement. And so there's this polished version, or this inauthentic version that you've learned from childhood to put out in the world. But then you feel lonely because you don't have any deep connections because you're not being your authentic self. And the work that I do is help free people to work through the past so they can be more fully themselves and not have to wear the mask not have to play Kate pretend perfect perform in any way to just be who you are. There's a lot of work involved in that I realised that and in this episode, we talk all about that. How do we get there? How do we get to more freedom fun, enjoy in your life, we have to face the pain and we talk through that in this episode. And I hope you will get as much out of it as I did and enjoy our conversation. Without further ado, here is my conversation with April Frakes. Welcome to the close the chapter podcast. I am beyond thrilled to have a Brielle Franks with me. Hello.

Aprille
Hi, how are you?

Aprille
I'm fantastic. I'm so excited that you're on the podcast, the two words that I just shared that come through for me with all your social media posts and just who you are in the world is fun and free. Yes. That captures you

Aprille
fun, free, authentic, transparent. I'm just moving through life. And I'm just loving who I am evolving into. And I'm really focusing on what makes a woman epic and what makes us happy when even like as a business coach and as somebody who owns a business, in addition to that, like how do you maintain and just really be who you were called to be? And all these varying roles that we play, so I'm having a ball it definitely describes my life. I feel very free. And I think when you do feel free, it's easy for you to incorporate fun and pleasure and enjoyment in your life.

Aprille
Yes, I will Be curious, because I think authenticity and vulnerability comes with freedom. Like you get to be who you are. There's truth. Like you take radical ownership for who you are all of it, you step into a different freedom, I think, tell me about you being a little girl, I just want to hear your journey. I just want to know who you were as a little girl. And then how did you get to where you are now? Yeah,

Aprille
that's such a loaded question. So let's see, where do I want to start?

Aprille
Yes, lumber comes through. So

Aprille
first of all, I'm 45, as of the time that this show is being aired, and I was born in Alabama, and my biological mother had two sons, and then me. And she went to church with a lady who she went to church with this other girl, who she went to high school with as well. And so this other girl, young woman used to have me all the time when she would go to church. And so she ended up adopting me. And so my mom who adopted me then got married to my dad, and they raised me until my dad passed away three or four years ago. Now, I think my life has been dynamic since the start, there's always been shifts. And I was fortunate enough to start school in Berlin, and travel abroad because of my father's military career. And I was always an advocate from the beginning. Because the way that I grew up in the household that I grew up in, my father was abusive to my mother in the early years. And I learned very young to jump in and be an advocate for what was right for women, and just that happiness. And I think that really transcends into who I am. And I think this is I've always been, I've always been this woman that and I just don't have a name for it. But I've always been this woman that's advocating for happiness and pleasure and prosperity for other women. And so yeah, so now I get to do that for a living, and it's really dynamic. That's

Aprille
awesome. When you were little, did you have a voice that were you able to like, speak up and share how you really felt an advocate for yourself? Or was a chat? Oh,

Aprille
no, I was always saying things. No, I was definitely the kid in school. That was like, she talks too much of every report card. She talks too much. She's talking too much. She won't stop talking. Now, I've always been an advocate. I have always been an advocate. And I think I didn't know that. That's what that was. I just was like, that's not right. That doesn't feel good. Like, it's not okay to be mean to this person. And just as I've gotten older, though, just as a grown woman and just mothering my daughter, who's now 27, it's just become more kind of clear on being even more free in my expression. Like I'm so I just Are we allowed to curse? Yeah, go for it.

Aprille
Now you just be yourself.

Aprille
Yeah, I give zero shits about what people think about how I'm living my life. And I think that's, and I've always been that way, at least from 19. There was an incident and I can tell you this, and for the listeners where I wasn't feeling well. And I think our body is always the first indication of you being out of alignment. Like you'll start getting headaches or something weird, right? You're like, what's weird happening? Things will start happening. You're like, why is this hurting? Why am I feeling this? And I was having stomach issues. And so I went to the upper GI specialist, and he was like, Yo, like, you're 19. Your stomach is like a 40 year old, like, what are you doing? What are you worried about? You have ulcers. And I was like, also, there's like, what's going on? And that was just the symptom of the trauma and the very elements of things that had occurred in my life and just growing up in the household with the abuse. From that day, when I left, I said, I won't hold anything back. I will never forget this. Like ever. I remember walking after he saying he was like you're stressed. And I was like, Huh. And so from then is when I really was like, I'm just whatever comes up comes out. And if people are offended by it, then oh, well, but I'm not going to go to the grave, not utilising my voice.

Aprille
That's really powerful. Because at that point, you are surprised like what he's saying you have at least stomach issues because you're kind of repressing like it was about repression and holding things in your body because the Body Keeps the Score, as we know. And it's you're spot on. It's the first indicator. But that was a defining moment. It sounds like Oh, for sure. For you. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And when you go back to being adopted, and your mom choosing the gal at the church now your mom. Yeah. How old were you? I was six months. Okay, so you were a little little me one. Yeah. Did they tell you right away that you were adopted? Like what was your adoption story? Cuz I know a lot of people have been adopted. Yeah, so

Aprille
my adoption story was my parents and my little brother that I was raised with. We were in Harker Heights, Texas because my father was stationed at Fort Hood in Killeen, Texas. And we're playing a game of Monopoly because we always play games. We're always going on road trips, like, I think we had the quintessential lower middle class, military family life. And then there was the the craziness that was going on. But we were always doing things and exploring. So we were playing a game of Monopoly. And my mom just says, I don't know. She said, Do you know what adoption is? And it was just so random, seemingly, because we're just playing and trying to collect all the money and not go to jail

Aprille
to actually collect your $200. You're like, what? Right?

Aprille
And I say, Yeah, I said, like Wilson Arnold, a different is it a different strokes, different strokes? And I was like I said, Yeah, like Wilson. And that was the only time I ever heard the word adoption, like, it was from watching television. And I was like, Oh, that's cool. They get to go live with these other people, because their parents, whatever. And I was like, Oh, that's cool. And so my mom was like, You're adopted. I was like, really? And then for me, I think at that moment, to answer a lot of questions, because my skin is lighter than my family. All my family has darker melanin, so they are Chocolatier than I am. And I'm kind of in the Mocha middle of black people. And it was just, I thought it was cool. And then I was like, Oh, wait, someone gave me away. So then I kind of hit you like, Wait, cuz at first, it was cool. I was like, what was cool? And now it's like, oh, wait,

Aprille
this is me. We're talking about

Aprille
right. Exactly. Yeah. And so that was in my mom said, if you ever want to meet your biological mom, I know where she lives. We can just go there. And I was like, oh, no, I don't do that. And I didn't do that until I was 20. So yeah.

Aprille
How was that when you met her at 20. It was why

Aprille
I first called her on the phone. And I said, Hi, this is me to go in. And she said, this is her. And I said, Well, this is April, because I was the name she gave me. And my mother changed my name to Apria. And I said, Well, this is April, your daughter and the phone was silent, just completely dead. And she was like, Okay, hi. But it was a great conversation. I asked all the questions, and she was very honest and transparent. And she was like, you know, I just, I couldn't, and I totally get it. I also have a daughter that I adopted out when I was 21. So I have two biological children. I raised my oldest child and my second child, my youngest was 23. Elana, she was raised by another family that I gifted her to.

Aprille
I love how you put that I gifted her to? Yes. How did that impact your life talking to your mom at 20? And how did that on your journey? Was there any sort of impact for you talking to her? Hmm,

Aprille
you know, I was learning about her really made me grateful for being adopted. And you know, what's so interesting is, uh, it wasn't that because I don't believe adoption, I'm not the person that says adoption is a better life. I'm the person that says it's a different life. Because you don't really know that it's going to be better. Here, there's young woman 19 has two sons already has me. And then she gives me to a family, she gets me to this family. And so now we're, we make a family, my mom, my dad and me. And it wasn't that life was better necessarily. You know, I mean, I was raised in an abusive household where my father beat my mom until I was, you know, a young teenager. And where abuse was prevalent in our family and extended family dynamic, it was like passed down like habits. So seeing that, and then also seeing where my biological mother was in her life, I honestly was so grateful that I wasn't raised in that environment. So that was the impact. The impact was, I'm happy, she made the decision. And as a grown woman, super grown now, I'm like, I'm so grateful for my life and the path because I wouldn't be speaking to you or your listeners today. If I didn't have these stories to share, I don't know who I would have been. And so all the things that have made me me and the things that make you, you, you who is listening, the things that make you you like, you can't wish it away. You know, we all have our own life DNA blueprint, or travelling this planet for a temporary time, less than 100 years, most of us and it is what it is, and we get to decide how the story gets played out, you know, and we get to take responsibility for our lives.

Aprille
I love how you connected this idea of like, okay, this made me who I am. And I wouldn't be who I am without the story, my story, and it helped me be grateful seen both sides of things and acknowledging both sides of things helped me to find the gratitude. Yes, even though it was hard your story, even though there were so many challenges and abuse. You found the gratitude. I wouldn't change a thing. Isn't that the most powerful freeing thing when you go change a thing?

Aprille
I just wouldn't and I have been sexually assaulted. I was a teenage mom. I've had so many I mean, literally my life is a frickin movie. Where are the people that write movies for people? Because I need them to go have a movie someday. Awesome a Because seriously, it's been such a dynamic life. I just like, I can't even believe sometimes I'm just in awe of it all.

Aprille
I want to Gilan because I was like you have had a story because I followed you on your Instagram and followed your story. And I was like you have trauma. And so many people have trauma. We all have trauma to some extent in here. You are so free. That's what I wanted you to tell your I wanted to know, how did you get to freedom because people have so much second guessing of themselves feel terrible about who they are? They feel defective. Something's wrong with them. Not good enough. You know all the stuff? I do.

Aprille
I do. And there were periods of time when I didn't feel good enough. And I think but there was always this little something that was like your great, even though things didn't appear to be great. So then I started I became a seeker. And what I mean by that is a seeker of feeling good. So I'm not happy today. Well, how can I be happy today? Oh, wow, I wasn't happy on month. How can I be happy? Oh, wow, this relationship isn't feeling good. How can this relationship feel good, this relationship can't feel good. So maybe I need to make a different decision. So I started seeking and reading and listening and allowing positive things to be a part of my experience. And then I also am very conscious of my habits, like I don't gossip about others. I don't talk negatively about others. I don't watch or listen to TV or listen to music that will make me feel bad. Or that is like like a lot of reality TV I don't watch because it's caddy. And it's just not nice. And people are backbiting I don't really like that energy. So I don't encourage it and my space, I started paying attention to my circle, and just being conscious of this is my life. This is my body. And I am responsible for what goes in. And that means everything what I'm consuming. And so I just made it a point to be a seeker and started following and you know, spiritual guides and reading books, and I watched the secret and then dive deeper into what is manifestation and attraction and faith and what does all of those things really mean and and how do we embody that then going on spiritual retreats and walking into my femininity and coming out of my toxic masculinity that I was conditioned into, I became my biggest project. And I think that's what people have to do. I mean, Chris, and I think that a lot of times people are so trapped and all the stories that they don't see that it is really making you it's evolving you into a person and we get to choose if that evolution if we are going to stand and say okay, that was after it really was acknowledging it feeling it Okay, filling the fields got to feel the field, though you don't want to I used to be that person, I don't want to fill it. I used to say process your feelings later. We don't have time for that shit, we got kids to feed, we got to go to work. But you really do have to process it you have to feel in order for you to heal and or reconcile. I'm not a therapist, I believe that some things you can heal from, I believe that some things we just need to reconcile that they are what they were. And you know, there's some things I've happened to people that are so traumatic, you may not ever get over it. But it doesn't mean it has to be the ruler of your life and your actions and your mindset. And I think it's this is more than about whew, positive speak, right? This is about you going deep in and healing. And you might have to disassociate or distance yourself from some people conversations habits in order for you to feel that best version of you.

Aprille
Because I feel like many people are plagued by that fight flight freeze, like getting trapped and stuck and frozen in time for when the trauma happened. And then we have the fawn response, that's the people pleasing response, we see that a lot in women becomes codependency. If we're using terms here that we have the flop response, which is like that faint response where you kind of blacked out. Because you get flooded, your body gets flooded. I see that second guessing women in particular second guessing themselves, or they're stuck in one of those states. Typically it's father, or freezing sometimes fight. I mean, we can all have our different and sometimes we flee, we want to just run, run, run, run.

Aprille
I was a runner, I wasn't running a runner, you just run from one thing to then I were I was I was a runner, but I don't do that anymore. Yeah. How did you

Aprille
work through second guessing yourself and being a runner? How did you do that?

Aprille
Well, first I had to acknowledge that I had shit. You know, like, you don't want to acknowledge like, not everyone else. You're the key player in your life, but accepting responsibility, you know? And then I got into a relationship where we both were runners, and we were like, Wait, let's not run. Why are we running? Let's talk about this. Where are you going? What are you running from? What's coming up for you? And then I went on a solo retreat a couple years ago, maybe three years ago now I can't remember but it was the most life changing thing. It was like therapy on steroids. I am a proponent of As a progressive therapy, and I'm a proponent of spiritual healing, and this was a combination of the two and but it's an immersion. So we're in therapy, you may go once a week, or for most people once every two weeks, and for probably the majority of people, they may get to therapy once a month, this is immersion. So this is you are extracted from your environment. And you have multiple therapists, like I had seven over a week and therapy multiple times a day dealing with multiple things, and all that were basically, you know, aligned to intertwine with the overall accomplishment that we wanted to have at the end. And that changed my whole life. So you have to invest in your healing, like you invest in your car, you know, you invest in you built, you put new countertops in but you're crying yourself to sleep every night. But what the absolute hell Exactly? You know what I'm saying? Like, oh, yeah, tops, like, forget the extension, forget the new carpets, like how do you feel, because none of these things are gonna make you feel better, you know, the aesthetics is cute, but not if you're not happy. And I think people are like, Oh, that's such a, you know, people really aren't that happy? Well, the truth is, people aren't really that happy, but I am. And I like to hear you know, and I am committed to investing in me and the other things that are part of my world superficially, you know, I want to clean the carpet, and I want to buy a new painting and put on the wall. Sure. And I'm also going to get a massage, you know, several times a month, I'm going to make sure that I rest and if I need to lay in the bed a little longer, I'm going to do that, again, I think that's the thing we have to because the second guessing comes from not feeling good enough. But if we are never addressing why we don't feel good enough, like Who told you that because not feeling good enough is because something occurred once or multiple times that planted whatever this seed is that you that as you are is not enough and that you got to continue to do more. And everyone on every level has some version of this, both from how they were raised, and also their societal elements as well. Women feel not good enough a lot. People that are black feel not good enough for mine. Every group has their own societal, not good enough things. And then we have the things that's from just your upbringing that someone may have said that makes you second guess yourself and not trust yourself and trust your decision making. So trusting and loving oneself is just the number one priority. And it's and I know that like people like that's so idealistic. Well, well, welcome. Welcome to What happiness and freedom really is. It is that because that is ideal. Your life ideally should be enjoyable, it should not be where you're hating what you do every day, and you're not happy with a person that you waking up next to and that, you know, it should not be that way. And we I think we in some ways have normalised unhappiness,

Aprille
because I think you nailed it, where we have to face the pain, like we have to face what's going on in the inside. And I think if we don't, I, at least in my career, 20 years doing therapy, I don't see a lot of movement from people if they don't have a willingness to face it and take radical ownership of it.

Aprille
And let me tell y'all something. Kristin is right. And it sucks. So hard. It sucks so bad. It really does. It's like wow, I had to stop and create space to fill the thing I don't want to feel. And I fired a guide for trying to make me do that. She wanted me to do these exercises. And I was like, I don't want to do that. I was like why? She was like you're not going to get through to where you're wanting because it's on the other side. But you keep ignoring the boulder. But the Boulder is in your face and you want the sunshine but you the boulders right here, but you don't want to look at it. You're looking all around it, you know, wanting what's on the other side of the boulder without addressing the freakin boulder. And I like no

Aprille
thanks. Yeah, fired. What do you think about that looking back now? And you're like, Yeah, I wasn't No, I wasn't gonna do that. At that time. Oh, I

Aprille
talk about it all the time. And I'm so grateful for her. I wrote her after a few years. And I told her that I really was mad because she was making me cuz here's the thing. When you create the space for you to feel, then you have to own what comes up. And then when you own what comes up, which is also a challenge sometimes for us, grownups so called grownups. It's so interesting how grownups expect kids to do all the things well kamikazes to do, but then you acknowledge that and it's like, neither do something about it. I gotta do something about this sales people say in that space of second guessing and questioning themselves a lot of times because they're not ready to do something about it. You know, it's like the person that's always losing 20 pounds. They don't want to do anything about it. So they don't want to talk about it. So let's pretend it's not a thing. You know, let's pretend I'm happy with the 20 pounds, nothing wrong with it. Right? I weigh 200 pounds. I'm a big girl and five, nine, you know, and I But let's not pretend that the boulder isn't there because I did. And I get it and free yourself. If you're listening for yourself, listen to this on a repeat for yourself because the only person that can free you is you. It's not your therapist, your therapist cannot for you, your therapist can give you tools and give you a safe space to share. But the work is on you.

Aprille
Amen. Mic drop to that. One of the things I think, let me see what you think, okay, we learn to pretend in our childhood because we pretend there's no abuse in the home, we pretend that everything's okay. When we leave the house and we put on the mask, we pretend we were taught that it's like a conditioned response, to not accept reality to pretend it something different.

Aprille
Do you think so? Oh, my God. What goes on in this house stays in this house? Yes, oh,

Aprille
we go to church, and we're like, hey, we just had a huge, massive, you know, blow up in the car, or whatever it is.

Aprille
I mean, it's astonishing how truly dysfunctional our planet is. And everyone walking around with this facade that is literally killing them. And we have to stop it. And that's

Aprille
where I think that is your gift. Like, you know, he say sometimes our gift can also be one of our greatest areas of awakening. It's like both, it's like a great gift. But it can also be a burden. And it can be both this my opinion one of your greatest gifts is you are congruent with who you are. It looks like at least in your life, you're not pretending which is what we learned in childhood. We're not hiding parts of ourselves. We're not hiding anything. Because we realise the liberation that comes from no more pretending no more placating want no more perfectionism no more hiding is why I feel like you can be free and have that fun and joy, does that resonate,

Aprille
you're on the money and know what you see is what you get. This is I'm pretty consistently me. And that works. And that is the number one thing that people always say when they meet me is that this chick is the exact same person all the time. And I committed to that when I got into this business over 10 years ago that I would not sell my soul to the devil, quote, unquote, to be popular, I'm gonna be me. And if it's offensive, then just follow someone else. It's not hard. And I love that because I go to bed at night feeling. I mean, for goodness sakes, if you I know the people listening, they're not going to see this, but you will. It's just fun, like enjoy your life, whatever that is. It could be paragliding, it could be swimming, it could be pottery, it could be what dancing, it could be whatever it is just enjoy it. But people can't enjoy it, Kristen, because they're not happy. So their life is consumed with unhappiness. And so when you don't care what other people really think about you, that's really the freedom. It's the you don't give a f that you know, even your family, like my mom, she has just evolved into accepting all of who I am as a grown up, because I've always been and she'll tell you, she's like, this girl has always been marching to the beat of her own drum. So you just got to stop. Can't you got to care more about how you feel? And what other people think.

Aprille
Is that how you got to this place where you're like, I don't really care what other people think. And I'm going to not hide, I'm going to be who I am like, how did that become your way of life? Because people oftentimes are so trapped in what other people think in the stories in their heads about what other people think and their shame and just that whole feeling of fear of rejection and abandonment and judgement. How did you get to that place where you genuinely care?

Aprille
I think I've not cared for a long time, I think into my teens. Like for example, I got pregnant with my oldest daughter my on purpose. And I told my mom that I it wasn't a secret. I was like, No, this is a decision I'm making for my life. I dropped out of high school and but the first day of my senior year, I like this is another decision I'm making for my life. I don't want to do that. I don't enjoy it there. The kids make fun of me. I don't feel good there. I don't feel pretty. I don't want to go back. I already know how to read and write what else are you gonna teach me one more year calculus who uses that? So I have always been right ever like and then if I needed I call someone like I don't have to have all the gifts. I just need the one I'm good at. So yeah, I've been like this for a long time. I really don't care. I like people. I love people. And I like when people like me. And I like when they don't because they're being authentic to them. Because my personality isn't for everyone. I'm big. I take up space. I don't have to say anything. And my energy radiates when I walk into a room and people are attracted to me all people, all types of people for all sorts of reasons. You just have to be more focused on the good that you're bringing, and not what other people that are because people are going to think whatever they want. I mean, my goodness, people hate Oprah. They hate Jesus. They have something to say about everything that's good. Someone has something negative to say. So it's like man, the freedom and not caring, like if someone said like even you know my mom, I was like dating a guy. We were dating for a while. I said, Man, someone so we're gonna go to wherever whatever trip was to say St. Lucia. And she's like, so is this your boyfriend? I was like, no, she was like, well, y'all spent a lot of time to get like, she's like, y'all are doing everything together. And we did for four and a half years. And I was like, yeah, she was like, so What are y'all doing? I was like, we're enjoying life together. She's like, well, what? So is that your boyfriend? I said, you're gonna ask me the same question again. I said, Let me tell you something. I said, if you want him to be my boyfriend, you can be my boyfriend. I said, whatever. You need to feel good about what I'm doing with my life. But this man didn't do that. I said, but I'm just gonna go continue to do it. And I told her, I don't care that you don't get it. I was like, stop trying to understand my life. I said, You're a traditionalist. And I'm not I said, so you don't have to understand it. Just I mean, it's so many words Mind your business, you know, and so many words. And she was like, Well, damn, okay. And you know, and this was just a few years, a couple years ago, and I'm just like, Mom, yeah, I'm an adult. I'm like, 40 something. What do you need to know even that advocation there's so many also grownups that are still trying to live their parents version of what their parents want for them. It's like your parents aren't living that life.

Aprille
And what I find striking is that your mom says this to you. And I don't think it landed a shame for you. Like, there's something wrong with you. Like you saw it as your mom's issue. Like, this is your mom. Yeah. But so many people, it doesn't land like that it lands as shame instead of oh, that's your issue. Like you can decipher what's your issue? Which issue that many people cannot decipher? What's my issue versus what's your issue? Well, the

Aprille
thing about it is if they don't have authority in the decision, then it's their issue. If they don't have authority in the decision that they're bringing up about your damn life, then it's their issue. Now, if it's your spouse, and they come to you, and they say, you know, then maybe it's your issue, or you know, but if your friend is like, I don't think that you should be doing X, do you have any authority in this actual decision? Because if you don't have any authority, then this really is none of your effing business.

Aprille
You know, Oh, do you think I shouldn't do that? There's the self doubt. So someone says something all of a sudden, like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what happened? We're on the path, and then sell it. So came to you. And all of a sudden, now you're like, well, maybe I

Aprille
shouldn't do that. Yes, I'm talking to people. And I'm like, what's happening?

Aprille
You're doing survey says, I call it survey says, I'm like, you just did survey says, or if someone offers an unsolicited opinion, now you doubt yourself and listen, oh, maybe I shouldn't be doing that. Stop talking

Aprille
to people stop telling people your business. And here's the thing, here is a experiment that I would encourage for your listeners, I would encourage you to say yes to everything that you want to do, and don't share with anybody. For the next seven days, whatever you want to do, wherever you want to go, whatever you want to plan, whatever you want to eat, just do it and don't consult a soul. Today is day one. So day one, today, we are starting and this marks our 24 hour, whatever hour you're listening to this, you just do it. So if you decide that you want to have dinner by yourself, then go have dinner. If you decide that you want to book yourself a trip or your family a trip for the summer, then you go book it, don't consult anyone, inform them. Don't ask for permission. This week, you are starting to become a permission giver of your own life. If you decide that you want to lay in the bed an extra hour in the morning and be late for work and call your boss and say I'm going to be late because you need the rest or the mental peace, then do that. But this week, starting today, for the next seven days, say yes to everything that you want to do. If you decide that you want to have more sex, and you have not been enjoying your sexual life with your spouse, or with your lover or whoever or with yourself, then go do that, well, I don't care what it is, whatever. If you want ice cream, then go have it. You know, and just start saying yes to yourself and stop consulting people about your life and just do it. And if people are offended by you loving on you, then those people don't actually love you. If people need a pretend version of you, in order for you to be in their life. They don't

Aprille
want you but they don't even know you. There's not a real deep connection. We can't have that connection with our authentic self onboard. You cannot have the connection. Without vulnerability and truth and authenticity. It just isn't possible as some people like why don't feel really deeply connected. Well, no, because you're not being truthful about who you really are and what you really want. Yeah, so it's the truth. There's one last question I have for you in terms of decisions, like I have so many clients struggle with decisions like should I do this? Or shouldn't I and the shoulds right, you know, that shame that all the shitting on yourself, but do you second guess like if you make a decision do you make it and you're clear and you go I'm a

Aprille
very fast decision maker and tell that with you except when it comes to food.

Aprille
So food like you would have a menu in front of you. What would I see?

Aprille
Oh, so here's a joke in my family with my ex husband and my daughter and my oldest daughter that I ordered the same thing at the same restaurant. all the time, so I don't have to decide usual. Yeah. So I don't have to design. And I'm also not a trier of new foods. So people are like, Oh, try this. Try that. No, don't do that. My life is very eclectic, except my eating my eating is very basic. And I'm not an exciting eater.

Aprille
Who is decision fatigue? Like, you know, you make decisions all day all the time. Yeah. When you go to a restaurant, you're like, I'm good with my same old,

Aprille
same old. Yeah, it's good. I like Caesar salad with trim bar.

Kristen Boice
Give me the usual.

Aprille
So to answer your question, though, Christian, this is what I teach my clients, you're in a state, you're in a current state, okay. And that state is a state that you want to change. So that means if you're in a state that you want to change, that means you have a desired state. So you have a current state, and a desired state of being okay. And in the middle of that I call those progress decisions. So you can isolate your different states around different things that are happening in your life. So let's say that as I'll pick an easy one for women, a lot of times we want to lose five pounds, or we want to, you know, colour our hair or whatever. So we're in a state of, and let me use some personal for me, what would I like to do right now. So I have a state of these papers right here that I need to go through. So this is a state of something that needs to happen. And I've been procrastinating on it. And so my desired state is for this list of things to be completed. So that I have to ask myself for this specific thing, what is the decision that is going to help me be progressive to the state I'm wanting to be and then committing to the I call it progress decision committing to the progress decision, otherwise, it's just cognitive dissonance of I want this and you have the power to change it. But there's a mental disconnect. So current state desire state in the middle, what decision moves you forward. And sometimes those progress decisions are micro decisions, they may not be, I'm going to get this done in the next hour, it could be every day for 10 minutes, I'm going to go through this pile for this week. And I'm going to get it done. Right that may be that because sometimes, let me go back to the way people say I want to lose 25 pounds, I say, I need to lose three pounds, because three pounds sounds doable, I can lose three pounds, and then I lose three more. And then I can lose three more. I only ever need to lose three pounds, I never need to lose 15 pounds, or 20 or 10 or five, I need to lose three and three, I could feel like I made a success. And then I could lose three more. And I can feel successful. And I think it's that getting to the happy faster. Instead of this big mountain. I had to fix my marriage. It's like, why don't we just start with listening or not running out of the room? Like we're trying to microwave everything and it just doesn't work. So the progress decisions help just being conscious of current state desire state, what is the thing that can help move me closer to this side of desired state

Aprille
that won't take you into overwhelm? Because that's what that does. Period. Right? Because otherwise you're like, we'll just forget it or someone's like with an eight cheeseburger and fries today. Forget it. EFF it. Yeah, then we feel like well, I'm not going to lose 25 pounds now so screw it. Yeah, I'm gonna have a gallon of ice cream and yeah, sabotage ourselves. Because that go. Well, me

Aprille
so overwhelming half a gallon ice cream and then start fresh the next day.

Aprille
Exactly. tomorrow's a new day. I say you get to start again. That like the permanent, you get a start again. And then I go back to your couples thing. And people want drive thru couples therapy. They're like, can you just supersize that quickly? Like one session? I know. times, but not usually

Aprille
the case. Yeah, man.

Aprille
Yeah. So tell people how they can find you. I know. You've got a big conference coming up in Dallas. Tell us about that.

Aprille
Yeah. So first of all, thank you for just having this platform and for having me on and creating space for people to connect with people they may not otherwise and hear stories because these things are so important. And I hope and pray that what I've shared today resonates with someone and encourages you to seek more freedom and more happiness and pleasure in your own life. So I'm a business coach. I work with women. I'm a feminine conscious business coach, and I help women build their brands online, leveraging social media and offering their solutions to the world their products and services. I have an event it's called Epic woman. It's in Dallas, you can learn more about it if you go to Epic woman.co not calm that CEO and it's really a meeting of the souls if you follow me at all. It's all of that. It's not the traditional business conference. It is happiness and fellowship and joy and dancing and laughter and strategy and clarity and partnership and all of that. It's just all of it. It's like it's the business already. You didn't know you needed so yeah, so you can learn more about epic woman.co And then you can just follow me on Tik Tok or Instagram just all you got to do to find me is Google my first name a PRI ll E and you can find me everywhere.

Aprille
There you are. You're killing the tick tock. I mean, you started and bam. I was like, You go girl. I happen quick for you.

Aprille
It happened honestly. I gained 15,000 followers in like a couple days. And it was like five days. It was so crazy and I think I'm at 26,000. Now, which is really isn't a lot, but it's superseded all my other platforms within.

Aprille
I guess. That's awesome.

Aprille
So I'm excited to grow even more, I enjoy it. I enjoy creating content. And I enjoy just inspiring people and teaching people how to make more money, but in a way that's authentic, and that feels good for them. And I really I was thinking this morning, before we got on Kristen, I was just like, I really love women. And I really love helping them see themselves and become happier humans and love themselves more, because that transcends to the family, it transcends to the kids if they have them and to their friends, and it isolates people who don't want you to be happy. It transcends into your family and your community because we're so influential, we have so much power and influence that we have allowed the world to make us forget. And I'm the catalyst for that. That's remember

Aprille
exactly, and I've watched you be a grandma, I mean, grandmother on social and you're changing generations. I mean, here you are fully present. Yeah, granddaughter having fun. Yeah. And being just meeting her where

Aprille
she is. Yeah. And she's my granddaughter is autistic. She's three years old. She'll be four in May. And oh my gosh, my daughter just sent a message to her family chat and said she's at her wellness check today. And they said she's going to be 511 When she's 18. There was like, because she's really tall. Someone thought she was eight and

Aprille
adorable. Oh my gosh, she's so sweet.

Aprille
And so I oh my god, she's so I had the day party yesterday for the CEO exchange participants, but she was the only kid that could come and she's running around, you know, being loud and doing what kids with autism do stemming and you know, doing all the things and she was having a ball and everybody knows her and they love her. I mean, she's my little mini me. She's the baby that I couldn't have. But I

Aprille
can see the grandmother, you are as a result of the work that you've done. That's what matters the most. You get to be now this grandmother that's present. Allah Jean emotionally available. Yeah. And

Aprille
I am a better grandmother than I was a mother, because you've done this work. Because I've done the work. Yeah. And that's just life. So we have to forgive ourselves. Be gentle with ourselves, give ourselves some grace. And sometimes you're just doing the best you can with what you got. And when you have people like Kristin in your life, and that you're connected to follow what she says, and rolling it. I don't even know what you offer. But if it's going to help you heal, then you have to say yes to it. Because what else is there? You know what else is there? There's a version of you. That's like, so amazing. And we all know her. She's inside of us. We all know her. So be that.

Aprille
Exactly. That's why I started with your little girl because I wanted to say, you know the essence of who you are resonates with that little girl before you get all the conditioning and messages and shame and trauma. She's still there. Yeah. And when you can unfold all those things. She comes through and you said it. You said I'm still her. I mean, I'm her. I've always been her and so

Aprille
she's just not running my life, I'm willing. Yes, yes.

Aprille
So thank you a Braille so much for the work you're doing in the world, helping women free themselves and have more joy in the lives there's nothing more impactful. So I so appreciate you your heart, your energy and your soul. Everyone, go follow a Brielle and thank you so much.

Aprille
Thank you so much for having me Have an amazing day.

Kristen Boice
Thank you so much for listening to the close the chapter podcast. My hope is that you took home some actionable steps, along with motivation, inspiration and hope for making sustainable change in your life. If you enjoyed this episode, click the subscribe button to be sure to get the updated episodes every week and share with a friend or a family member. For more information about how to get connected visit Kristin k r i s t e n d Boice vo IC e.com Thanks and have a great day.