losing Yourself: Steps to Getting You Back
It seems like we are living in a society focused on material possessions, being busy, achieving, money, beauty, and getting our worth and value from others. We are losing ourselves in being constantly on the go and busy from one activity or work-related event to another.
There are some key questions to ask yourself and assess whether or not you are losing yourself in process.
- Do you sometimes feel like you are filling a black hole by trying to be everything to everyone or keep up with what everyone else is doing?
- Do you feel like no matter how much you achieve, do or buy, it still doesn’t help you feel good enough or worthy?
- Are you so busy you don’t have time to be still, get quite and connect to God?
- Do you feel like you are in the weeds, in other words, so busy you can’t see straight and have nothing left to give to yourself and family?
- Do you have time to reflect, grow and learn?
We are in a society that focuses on being busy and going from one thing to the next. We have many distractions that don’t allow us to stop, learn and get centered in who we are and what we value. Below are five steps to help you change this pattern.
- Make time for you. If we are neglecting ourselves, then it’s hard to give back to others. Some of us received the message that self-care is “self-fish.” That is simply false. When we are taking care of ourselves, we are able to give for the reasons that feel good to us – not to gain someone else’s approval so we feel worthy. Often, quiet time is one of the most enriching experiences because we can become more centered in what we value.
- Stop before you say “yes.” The next time you are asked to do something, stop and respond with, “Let me think about it and I will get back to you.” This allows you time and space to see if it aligns with what truly matters to you.
- Don’t compare yourself to what everyone else is doing. We completely lose ourselves when we are focused on what others’ are doing. When we stay true to who we are, we live a more fulfilling life.
- Figure out the why. Try to understand why you keep busy. Is it a deflection to dealing with feelings, pain or hurt? This will often keep us from doing the internal work we need to do in order to heal.
- Be who you are. Don’t try to be someone you are not to fit in and belong. You will end up feeling even more alone and stuck.
-Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained
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