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The big “J”: Judgment

Why do we all judge ourselves and others? Do you feel like your own worst critic? Do you find yourself being critical and judgmental of those around you? It plays such a large role in our society and has an impact on how we see ourselves. It can keep us stuck in our stuff and closed off to others. 

We all judge to one degree or another. Many people have a deep fear of being judged because of the pain and rejection that can come along with it. For example, you may not speak up because of the fear of what people will think and that sense of not being good enough so you hide in order to not have to face the judgment. If we give it power, the feeling of being judged can create a sense of low self-worth and insignificance. 

Typically what we judge in another is what we don’t like about ourselves. I love the saying, “Judgment doesn’t define who they are it defines who you are.” How would the world look if we judged less and loved more? 

There are a few key areas to explore when it comes to judgment. It might be helpful to write down your answers to these questions or journal.

  1. What is your first memory of experiencing judgment? Often people can pull up their first memory of feeling judged. It might have been in school or at home. It often becomes a tape that plays in your mind for years and years later. It becomes a way to beat ourselves up. 
  2.  Who and what do you judge? Yourself, your spouse, other parents, neighbors, friends, co-workers, family members, etc. Dig deep to try and figure out what is it about the other person or yourself that really gets under your skin.
  3. What purpose does judgment play in your life? Do you feel better or worse when you are judging?


-Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

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