Inner Child Work: Why It Changes Everything
Ever find yourself overreacting to something small and wondering, “Why did that hit so hard?” Or maybe you’ve felt needy just for having needs or guilty for wanting space.
That’s not you being dramatic. That’s your inner child trying to get your attention.
And when you start listening to that part of you—really listening? Everything shifts.
The more you understand your healing process, the more empowered you’re going to feel. Because this journey? It can feel really lonely. And I want you to know—I’m with you. Not as someone who’s “arrived,” but as someone doing this work, every single day, right alongside you.
You’re not just healing for you. You’re healing for your kids. Your partner. Your future grandkids. You’re the cycle breaker and that is no small thing.
So What Is Inner Child Work?
It’s not just some buzzword. Inner child work means tending to the parts of you—especially the younger parts—that didn’t get what they needed. It’s going back and offering love, safety, and empathy to those parts instead of ignoring or shaming them.
And no, it’s not about blaming your parents. It’s about understanding yourself. Because if you don’t look at those early experiences, they will keep running the show—quietly shaping how you react, relate, and feel.
Your triggers now are rooted in unmet needs then.
Your fear of being “too much”?
Your urge to shut down when someone’s upset?
Your guilt for resting, needing, or saying no?
All of that has roots.
What Inner Child Work Actually Does
1. It disrupts projection.
Instead of assuming what someone else is thinking (“They’re mad at me,” “I’m not good enough”), you start getting curious:
“What’s coming up in me right now?”
You stop assigning old stories to current people.
2. It helps you stop triangulating.
That means no more pulling others—especially kids—into adult dynamics that don’t belong to them. I’ve been there. My parents divorced when I was eight, and I got pulled into adult stuff that was never mine to carry. I love them deeply, and we’ve done a lot of repair, but the truth is: when we don’t do our own healing, our pain spills out sideways.
Inner child work stops that spill.
3. It softens shame and defense.
We all have protectors—anger, withdrawal, people-pleasing. But underneath those? Are wounded parts. And when you start caring for the parts underneath, you don’t need the armor as much.
How to Start Inner Child Work Today
You don’t have to have it all figured out. You don’t need the perfect therapist or setup. You can start right where you are.
Here are 8 ways to begin:
- Create a Timeline: Write down major emotional moments in your life and how old you were. Start there.
- Track Your Triggers: When you’re upset, ask, “How old do I feel right now?”
- Write to Your Younger Self: No grammar rules. Just speak from the heart.
- Journal Regularly: Let the feelings come up. Don’t filter.
- Identify the Inner Voice: Whose voice is your inner critic? Is it even yours?
- Reparent in Real-Time: Start saying to yourself: “It’s okay. I’ve got you. You’re not alone.”
- Get Support: Therapy. A group. A friend who’s doing their own healing. You need people.
- Educate Yourself: Podcasts, books, resources. Learn how trauma, emotions, and healing actually work.
Last Thing I’ll Say
This work isn’t linear or neat but it is powerful. Loving yourself means reparenting the parts of you that were never fully seen. When you tend to your inner child, shame softens, and you stop dragging your past into every present moment.
You’re not selfish for having needs. You’re not broken because you’re still healing. You’re not behind. You’re brave. You’re doing the work.
So when that inner critic shows up, take a breath and gently say, “Sweetheart, you’re doing your best. I love you. We’ve got this.”
And if no one’s told you lately? I’m proud of you. Truly.
- Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained
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