1.20 blog article

Five steps to overcoming insecurities

There is one thing most of us have in common – insecurities. What do you feel insecure about? Do you feel insecure about some part of your body or face? Do you sometimes feel not smart enough?

You may be well aware of what you don’t like about yourself. If not, you can peel back the onion, look within yourself and you will soon figure it out. It doesn’t matter what it is, we can all come together and share something we feel insecure about because we are human.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could wave a magic wand and have them all disappear? Well, we may not be able to make our insecurities disappear overnight, but we can work on feeling better about ourselves by changing our thoughts.

There are five steps to working through insecurities and feeling better about you.

  1. Recognize your insecurities. What do you feel insecure about? What are the conversations or tapes in your head that play around them? Pay attention to what you are telling yourself. Don’t pass judgments on the messages. Don’t beat yourself up for what you are thinking. Don’t act on the message. Just observe and be mindful.
  2. Write down the messages and identify when they started. What is your first memory of feeling insecure? What happened? How did it change the way you see yourself?
  3. Think about a dear friend. Then imagine these statements being told to your friend. What might you say to your friend to counter these damaging messages?
  4. Say what you have said to your friend to yourself. In other words, treat yourself as kindly as you would a friend. Everyone matters, including you.
  5. If you continue to believe these old tapes or thoughts, consider taking the messages to a trusted friend. Ask your friend to help you find the lies and exaggerations in your tapes. Work together to create statements that are accurate and truthful. Believe your trusted friend and make it a point to actively tell yourself the truth. When the thoughts come up, you can be aware and ask yourself whether they are rational or irrational.

Underneath insecurities are fears such as not being liked, being made fun of or not being good enough. The fears lead to feeling vulnerable and you may try everything we can not to feel vulnerable. In order to heal, we need to be vulnerable with healthy people.

Working through your insecurities can lead to loving yourself and being happier with who you are.


-Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT,EMDR, Trained

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