Change is an Inside Job | 1.25.2022
Where does your worth and value come from? We live in a society that looks outside of ourselves to feel good about who we are. We compare ourselves to others and feel less than and not good enough. We learn quickly this is an empty space that cannot be filled. We will never feel enough because there is always someone better looking, richer, smarter, thinner, prettier, more successful, wealthier, has a bigger house, more fit and the list goes on. So, how do we change this?
Change truly is an inside job. It takes self-work to start the process. We have to take responsibility for our own stories and begin to unpack who we really are. Over time, we will stop looking to others to tell us we are good enough or worthy. We have the ability to write our own ending by taking our power back. It begins with you.
We continue doing the same things and behaviors even if it makes us feel bad about ourselves because it’s easier. Our brains like repetition and patterns. This does not mean they are healthy for us.
There are some essential steps to begin the process of change.
- Ask yourself some key questions. Do you really want to change? Are you committed whatever it takes to make the change? Are you ready to give up and let go of something that no longer serves you even if it makes you uncomfortable? Are you willing to step out of your comfort zone? Are you willing to move through the fear to get to the other side?
- Own your own stuff. We can’t change anything unless we own it first. For example, if you want to create healthier relationships, then it’s important to take an inventory of how you have contributed to the issues. Maybe you need to improve your boundaries, how you communicate or your negativity. Growth happens when we are uncomfortable.
- Write down possible solutions. When you say, “I don’t know.” I challenge you to look deeper. I believe we don’t give ourselves enough credit and we often have a gut feeling and talk ourselves out of it.
- Watch the self-talk. This can be the key killer to making change. The more negative self-talk, the more we won’t attempt to make a change. Write out the negative statement and then the opposite statement. We are not our thoughts.
- Inaction keeps you stuck. Not taking any steps, even if they are baby steps, will keep you stuck. Try doing things differently every day. Make an intention to focus on what you want. Keep trying. Never give up. You are worth it!
-Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained
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