5 Healing Myths That Can Keep You Stuck (And What’s Actually True)

You can be years into therapy. You can have shelves full of self-help books, a breathwork practice you actually stick to, and a therapist you trust. You can be the person your friends turn to for support, the one who’s done the training, learned the language, practiced the tools, and still feel stuck. 

What’s more likely is that you’re bumping up against a few deeply ingrained beliefs about what healing is supposed to look like. And when those expectations don’t match your lived experience, it’s easy to assume something must be wrong with you.

When we carry quiet myths about how healing should unfold, we can end up stuck in shame or self-doubt without even realizing it.

Here are five of the most common healing myths I have come across. Let’s walk through them together.

Myth 1: Once I process my trauma, it won’t come back up again.

This is just not true. It’s very possible the pain will return in another form or at a different stage of your life. 

That doesn’t mean you didn’t do the work. It just means healing comes in layers. When something reactivates, it’s often a gentle invitation to go a little deeper. It doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your body is wise and wants care.

Myth 2: If I heal enough, I won’t get triggered anymore.

Triggers are not signs that you’ve failed. They’re signs that you are human and that something inside you is asking for attention. You might notice a feeling in your body or a sudden emotional reaction. That’s your system responding to something it has learned might not be safe.

Myth 3: If I heal, other people will heal too.

Your healing can inspire and impact people around you, especially if you're a parent. The way you show up does shift relationships. But no matter how much inner work you do, others still have to choose their own healing. 

You can model change. You can break patterns. You can create emotional safety. But you cannot heal someone else’s pain for them. And that doesn’t make your healing any less valuable.

Myth 4: I don’t need to explore my past to move forward.

This one comes up a lot. It’s understandable to not want to revisit painful memories. But the past does shape how you respond in the present. If something from childhood was never acknowledged or processed, it often shows up again as emotional patterns, self-protection, or disconnection.

Looking at your past is not about blame. It’s about clarity. When you understand what shaped you, you begin to soften. You begin to choose something new. That’s what creates real change.

Myth 5: The answers are outside of me.

This is one of the biggest misconceptions I see. The truth is, the answers are already within you. They may be buried under shame or fear or past survival strategies, but they are there.

Healing is not about finding someone to fix you. It’s about returning to your own voice and learning how to trust it again.

If you're doing this work and it feels messy or slow, I want you to know that's normal. Healing is not a straight line. Sometimes you feel strong and clear, and the next day, something pulls you back into an old pattern.

That’s okay. You are not failing. You are healing.

Give yourself permission to keep going, especially on the hard days. You're doing the most important work of all. 

- Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

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