The Start of Motherhood
There is a moment in motherhood when everything you thought you knew about yourself changes. The person you were before birth no longer fully exists, and the new version of you is still finding her footing.
Motherhood transforms every part of who we are. It is not just the birth of a baby but also the birth of a mother, a new identity, and a new rhythm of life. Many mothers enter this season believing they can prepare for everything. They plan, study, and hope to do it “right.” Then reality arrives—beautiful, messy, and unpredictable.
Perfectionism often grows louder in this season, whispering, “If I can do everything perfectly, everyone will be okay.” But motherhood asks us to release that illusion. It invites us to meet each moment with presence and compassion rather than control.
Lessons from My Interview with Amelia Kriss
Amelia Kriss, a therapist, coach, and writer who supports women and parents through birth story medicine and narrative healing, beautifully describes how perfectionism often intensifies during birth and early motherhood.
After the birth of her first child, she noticed her old patterns of over-preparing and striving for control rise to the surface. As she moved through that experience, she came to see birth not only as a physical process but as a deep transformation of identity—a rebirth of the self.
Why Perfectionism Gets Loud in Motherhood
Perfectionism can feel protective. It tells us that if we do things right, we can keep everyone safe. But motherhood is unpredictable and humbling. No matter how carefully we prepare, there will be moments we cannot control.
When plans fall apart, many women feel guilt or shame. Beneath that pain, there is often grief—the quiet mourning of the fantasy that we could do it all perfectly. Releasing that fantasy opens space for something gentler: presence.
Presence allows for mistakes, laughter, repair, and forgiveness. It is what our children truly need from us.
Your Birth Story Matters
After birth, focus often shifts entirely to the baby. The mother’s story, however, remains stored in her body. Every contraction, every fear, every moment of relief or confusion stays with her until it has a place to be seen and heard.
Here is a gentle way to begin reflecting on your birth story:
- Write what happened as clearly and simply as you remember.
- Write what you felt—the emotions that came and went.
- Notice the meaning you attached to those moments.
- Offer compassion to yourself, as you would to a dear friend.
We cannot change what happened, but we can change how we hold it. Healing begins when we shift from self-blame to understanding and compassion.
The Nervous System: The Foundation of Motherhood
Motherhood is a full-body experience. The nervous system carries both the tenderness and the overwhelm. Regulation helps us stay connected to ourselves and our children, even in the chaos of daily life.
Here are a few gentle ways to support your body:
- Rocking or swaying: a rhythm that calms both mother and baby.
- Hand over heart breathing: inhale for four counts, exhale for six.
- Sensory grounding: name five things you see, four you feel, three you hear.
- Water as release: let warm water or a shower symbolize the washing away of tension.
Calming the body helps us meet each moment with more steadiness and care.
Boundaries as Acts of Care
The early days of motherhood can bring a flood of opinions, expectations, and advice. Some are helpful; others feel heavy. Boundaries protect the space where healing and bonding can happen.
A few simple examples:
- “We’re keeping the first few days for rest and bonding.”
- “We’d love help with meals, but we’re not ready for visitors yet.”
- “I’ll reach out when I feel ready for company.”
Boundaries are not rejection. They are clarity, and clarity helps the body and mind feel safe.
Learning to Ask for Help
For many mothers, asking for help feels vulnerable. It can stir feelings of guilt or fear of being seen as weak. But asking for help is an act of strength and courage.
Start by noticing your body’s signals of overwhelm—a racing heart, irritability, exhaustion. These are signs that something needs attention, not proof that you are failing.
Help can be simple. Ten minutes of rest. A meal from a friend. Time alone to breathe. Allowing others to support you creates room for connection and healing.
From Perfect to Present
Healing in motherhood means releasing control and leaning into connection. It invites us to soften instead of strive, to care for ourselves as deeply as we care for our children.
When perfection loosens its grip, presence begins to grow. In presence, we can make space for mistakes, repair, laughter, and joy. In those real and ordinary moments, love becomes visible and lasting.
You don’t have to be perfect to be a good mother.
You simply have to keep showing up with honesty, grace, and an open heart.
If You Needed This Today
Take a slow breath.
You are already enough.
You don’t have to earn your worth by doing everything flawlessly.
You are learning, growing, and healing—and that is exactly what your child needs most.
- Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained
Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?
I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.