I see this every January.
People come in feeling hopeful and exhausted at the same time. They want change, but they are also tired of feeling like they keep failing themselves. They want this year to be different, yet part of them is afraid it will be another cycle of pressure, self criticism, and unrealistic expectations.
Why the New Year Brings So Much Pressure
There is something about a new year that makes us reflect. We look at what worked, what did not, and what we wish we had done differently. This sense of a clean slate can be motivating, but it can also quietly turn into pressure.
Many resolutions are built on the idea that something about us needs to be fixed. Do more. Try harder. Be better.
Change rarely works that way.
Real growth happens when we feel safe, supported, and connected to ourselves, not when we are shaming ourselves into action.
Why New Year’s Resolutions Often Do Not Stick
Most resolutions are not rooted in self understanding. They are often vague, rigid, or based on what we think we should want instead of what we actually need.
Some common reasons I see resolutions fall apart include:
- Goals that are too broad or unrealistic
- Goals framed in negative, self critical language
- Goals driven by comparison, guilt, or external expectations
When change is fueled by pressure instead of care, it is hard to sustain.
This does not mean you lack discipline. It means you are human.
Shifting From Resolutions to Intentions
Intentions invite curiosity instead of control.
Rather than asking, “What do I need to fix about myself?” Ask yourself, “How do I want to care for myself this year?”
This shift is subtle, but powerful.
Intentions focus on how you want to live, not just what you want to accomplish. They allow room for flexibility, setbacks, and compassion, which are all part of being human.
Start With Your Values
Before setting goals, I encourage you to pause and identify your values.
Values are the inner guideposts that help you make decisions when life feels overwhelming or unclear. They reflect what truly matters to you, not what social media, family, or culture says should matter.
Some examples might include connection, growth, authenticity, health, honesty, or compassion.
You do not need a long list. Three or four values are enough.
When your intentions align with your values, they feel steadier and more grounding. You are no longer chasing change. You are choosing alignment.
Motivation, Energy, and Self-Compassion
Some days you will feel motivated. Some days you will not.
Motivation is deeply connected to energy and nervous system regulation. Sleep, nourishment, emotional stress, unresolved trauma, and burnout all play a role.
When motivation feels low, it is often a signal, not a failure.
Instead of pushing harder, try asking:
- What do I need right now?
- Am I rested enough?
- Do I need support?
Sometimes the most intentional choice is slowing down.
Change Is Not Linear
Healing and growth rarely move in a straight line.
There will be moments when you feel encouraged and moments when you feel discouraged. This does not mean you are going backward. It means you are learning.
Self-compassion is one of the most powerful tools for change. When you respond to yourself with kindness instead of criticism, your nervous system softens and growth becomes possible.
Small steps matter. A few minutes of journaling. A moment of gratitude. Choosing one priority for the day.
These moments add up.
A Kinder Way Forward
This year does not need to be about becoming someone new.
It can be about coming home to yourself.
As you move forward, I hope you choose intentions that feel supportive, values that feel grounding, and change that feels sustainable.
You are not behind. You are not broken. And you are worthy of care exactly as you are.
- Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained
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