Have you ever found yourself sitting in the quiet after a divorce or breakup thinking, I didn’t expect it to feel like this? Maybe the grief feels heavier than you imagined. Maybe the silence feels unsettling. Maybe you keep wondering why you’re not “over it” yet.
Divorce is not just the end of a relationship. It is an emotional unraveling. It brings old wounds to the surface and invites you to face feelings you may have avoided for years. And while that can feel overwhelming, it is also the beginning of deep healing.
Why Divorce Hurts So Deeply
Divorce doesn’t just end a relationship. It activates attachment wounds that started long before your marriage did. Many of us did not grow up with emotional attunement. We weren’t asked how we felt. We weren’t told our feelings were okay. We learned to push emotions aside, stay strong, or pretend we were fine. So as adults, we often choose partners who meet us at the same emotional developmental stage. When one person grows and the other stays stuck, the relationship begins to break apart.
And if we jump into another relationship too quickly, we end up recreating the same patterns in a different package. It is not because we are broken. It is because the deeper wounds have not been healed yet.
Slowing Down Is Where the Healing Happens
You cannot shortcut grief. You cannot bypass pain. You cannot skip the emotional work and expect transformation. Healing requires letting yourself feel the sadness, anger, fear, and shame with compassion rather than judgment. When you stop running from your emotions and start tending to them gently, the pain begins to soften.
It becomes tolerable. It moves. It shifts.
This is how you reconnect to yourself.
Why Your Healing Matters for Your Children
If you have children, your healing affects them profoundly. They may not have the words for what they feel, but they sense everything. When a parent hasn’t worked through their grief, it can spill onto the child in ways that feel confusing and heavy.
You may notice patterns like:
- Leaning on your child for emotional comfort when you feel overwhelmed
- Asking probing questions about the other parent
- Speaking negatively about your ex, even subtly
- Pulling away emotionally because you feel too depleted
Children are not meant to carry adult emotions. Your healing gives them the safety and permission to feel their own.
Truths to Stay Grounded In
- Healing is not linear.
- A new relationship will not fix old wounds.
- Your children need emotional presence and attunement, not adult details.
- Feeling your feelings is courage, not weakness.
- You will not feel this way forever.
This Season Is Not the End. It Is the Beginning.
You may not feel it yet, but this is an awakening. A clearing.
A chance to rediscover who you are, what you need, and what you want your life to look like. A time to come home to yourself.
Give yourself space to journal, breathe, connect with supportive people, and let small moments of laughter find you again.
Some days you will feel strong and grounded. Other days may feel heavy or confusing. Both are part of the healing process.
You will get to the other side. You will rebuild. You will learn to choose relationships from a place of security rather than fear.
But first, choose YOU.
This is your time to close the chapter with intention and open the door to the real, grounded, worthy you.
- Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained
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