Author: Kristen

Your Divorce Didn’t Start With Your Marriage

I work with divorce and broken relationships every single week in my practice, and I can tell you this is one of the most painful seasons a person can walk through. I sit with the loneliness, the fear, the anger, the sadness, the shame, and the regret. I hear people ask, “How long am I going to feel like this?” and “When is this going to stop hurting?”

What I gently tell them is this. There is no quick fix. And if you try to rush the pain away, it will show back up in another form.

Divorce is not just the ending of a relationship. It is the unraveling of hopes, expectations, identity, and often a very old attachment wound that did not start with your spouse.

The Deeper Wound Under the Divorce

Many of us did not grow up with consistent emotional attunement. We did not always have caregivers who said, “How are you feeling?” and then truly listened. We did not always hear, “It makes sense that you’re sad,” or “It’s okay to feel angry.”

When emotional needs are not met in childhood, we unconsciously look for a partner to meet them in adulthood. We get married believing this person will finally make us feel secure, chosen, valued, and enough.

Then one day the curtain gets pulled back. We realize this person has their own childhood wounds, their own unmet needs, their own emotional limitations. And suddenly we feel alone inside a relationship that was supposed to fix the loneliness.

That is when people either decide to grow or they decide to escape.

The Temptation to Move On Too Fast

I see this all the time. The relationship ends and the pain feels unbearable. So the mind says, “Find someone new. That will make this better.”

What often happens is we choose the same emotional dynamic, just in a different package. The faces change. The core pattern does not.

If we have not done the work to understand our attachment wounds, we will repeat them. We may think this next person is different, but if we are still operating from the same unmet needs, we will eventually feel the same disappointment.

This is why I encourage people to slow down. Take time. At least four seasons before introducing someone new to your children. Give yourself space to grieve. Give yourself space to understand your part, your patterns, and your pain.

Dating too soon does not heal abandonment wounds. It temporarily distracts from them.

Divorce and Children: Stay in Your Role

If you have children, this is where I get very direct. Your child is not your emotional support system.

One of the most heartbreaking dynamics I see is role reversal. The parent is hurting, and the child steps into the caretaker role. The child comforts the parent who was left. The child suppresses their own feelings to keep the adult stable. That creates long term consequences.

Children need parents who can say, “I see that this is hard for you,” without making it about themselves. They need space to miss the other parent without you feeling threatened. They need to come home from the other house without being interrogated.

When a child walks in the door and is tired, it is not the time to drill them with questions. It is the time to be present. To listen. To acknowledge. To let them feel what they feel without fixing it or talking them out of it.

If you have not processed your own grief, you will unintentionally project it onto your child. The healthiest thing you can do for them is to work through your own pain so you can stay emotionally available.

Do the Work You Have Been Avoiding

This season, as painful as it is, is an invitation. It is an invitation to look at the deeper wounds that may have been running the show for years.

Ask yourself:

  • What emotional needs was I hoping my partner would fill?
  • Where did I first learn that I was not enough?
  • What feels familiar about this dynamic?

This is not about blaming your parents or blaming your ex. It is about waking up to the patterns so you do not repeat them.

I encourage journaling because it slows your thoughts down. I encourage therapy or divorce recovery groups because isolation makes everything heavier. I encourage leaning into safe people who can sit with you without trying to fix you.

And yes, I encourage laughter and moments of lightness. You are still allowed to have joy in the middle of grief.

What a Healthy Relationship Actually Requires

A healthy relationship is not someone completing you. It is two people who are aware of their own wounds and willing to take responsibility for them.

Before my husband and I got married, we went to premarital counseling very early. We unpacked family systems, attachment styles, communication patterns, and unmet needs. It was uncomfortable at times, but it created a foundation of awareness. Growth has always been part of our marriage because we both agreed to keep doing the work.

When you are secure in yourself, you will choose someone who is also willing to grow. Those are the relationships that can handle feedback without defensiveness and can weather hard seasons without falling apart.

You Have to Build Security Within

So many people coming out of divorce feel like they lost themselves. Somewhere along the way, they tied their worth to being chosen, being married, being needed.

Your worth does not come from a relationship status. It does not come from someone staying.

It comes from knowing who you are and being grounded in that.

This is the time to rebuild that foundation. To learn how to sit with yourself without running. To tend to your own emotions instead of asking someone else to regulate them for you.

I know the fear of being alone can feel overwhelming. I know the ache of rejection and abandonment can feel like it goes back decades. Take it day by day. Sometimes minute by minute.

Do not give up on yourself. This pain can become growth if you are willing to look at it honestly. You do not have to repeat the same story. You can choose differently, but that starts with healing what is unresolved inside of you.

There is hope, not because the pain disappears overnight, but because you are capable of doing the deeper work. And when you do, your relationships with yourself, your children, and eventually a partner will look very different.

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.

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Why Are We Afraid of Intimacy? Learning to Let Yourself Be Seen

So many people want connection. We want to feel close, understood, safe, and seen. And at the same time, we are afraid to be vulnerable.

We are afraid to put ourselves out there.

We are afraid to speak truth with love and grace.

We are afraid to say how we really feel, to share our emotions, our hearts, our fears, and what is really coming up inside us.

Maybe you notice this with your partner. Maybe in a friendship. Maybe in a support group. You want to speak, but something inside you says stay quiet.

Underneath it all is a deep human fear. What if I am disliked. What if I do not belong. What if shame takes over and swallows me whole.

So we close off parts of ourselves. We mask. We present a version of who we think will be acceptable, likeable, and lovable.

But intimacy asks something different. It asks us to be seen. And being seen can feel terrifying when, somewhere along the way, being seen meant getting hurt.

Over many years of working with couples and individuals, and drawing from marriage and family therapy training and research, I see the same themes come up again and again. People want closeness, and yet they are afraid of it. As you read, I invite you into curiosity, reflection, and integration. Notice what speaks to you. Notice what activates you. That is usually where the work lives.

Why am I afraid to be vulnerable in relationships?

When people ask this, what they are really asking is, why does closeness feel unsafe in my body even though I want it in my heart.

Intimacy activates your nervous system. It brings up old family patterns, past losses, disappointments, and moments when you learned that needing someone was risky.

So you may crave connection and, at the same time, feel anxious, guarded, numb, or distant when someone gets close.

That does not mean you are broken. It means your system learned how to protect you.

Often the work is learning how to feel safe enough, slowly, to open again.

Why do I struggle with needing other people?

This is often about the fear of dependency.

Some of us grew up being pushed to be emotionally self sufficient. We learned early, I should handle life on my own. I should not need anyone.

Maybe you were told to deal with it. Maybe no one showed up when you were overwhelmed. Maybe the parent could not handle their own life, so you learned you had to handle yours.

That kind of loneliness stays in the nervous system.

So as adults, closeness can feel uncomfortable. Letting someone support you can feel weak. Letting someone need you can feel heavy. We become hyper independent not because we want to be, but because at one point we had to be.

Healthy intimacy is not about losing yourself. It is about learning how to be interdependent while still being whole.

You might gently ask yourself, am I afraid of depending on someone. Am I afraid someone will depend too much on me.

Why do feelings overwhelm me in relationships?

A lot of people are not afraid of relationships. They are afraid of feelings.

If growing up there was not space for emotions, if anger, sadness, fear, or even joy were ignored, criticized, punished, or chaotic, your body learned that feeling equals danger.

So you learned to stay in your head instead of your heart. You intellectualize. You minimize. You stay busy. You shut down.

But intimacy is built through vulnerability, and vulnerability is built through feeling.

When you avoid feelings, you also avoid closeness.

Often underneath is the fear, if I really feel, I might fall apart. If I really feel, I might be too much.

Part of healing is learning that feelings are not there to destroy you. They are there to inform you and connect you.

Why do I avoid conflict and anger with people I love?

Anger is one of the most misunderstood emotions in relationships.

If anger in your family was explosive, abusive, unpredictable, or completely shut down, your nervous system learned that anger leads to harm.

So you keep the peace. You placate. You avoid. You swallow your needs.

But what is not expressed gets stored. And stored anger turns into resentment, distance, and emotional withdrawal.

Healthy intimacy includes learning how to feel anger without attacking and without disappearing. Anger, when handled with care, becomes a doorway into truth and repair.

You might notice how you were taught to deal with anger and how that shows up now in your relationships.

Why does closeness sometimes make me feel trapped or controlled?

Some people want intimacy and yet feel suffocated when they get it.

This often comes from controlling, invasive, enmeshed, or unpredictable parenting. When you were not allowed to have your own thoughts, feelings, and identity, closeness felt like losing yourself.

So when someone gets near, your system pulls back. You might feel restless, irritated, or shut down even when nothing obvious is wrong.

Healthy relationships do not erase you. They support your differentiation. You get to be you while being connected.

Intimacy is safest when two people can stay close without abandoning themselves.

Why am I scared people will see the real me?

This is the fear of exposure.

Early in relationships, we show the parts of ourselves we think will be liked. Over time, real connection asks us to reveal our shadow sides too. The insecure parts. The wounded parts. The imperfect parts.

If love growing up was contingent on performance, behavior, or pleasing, you may have learned that who you are is not enough.

So you hide. You mask. You protect.

Inside the belief often sounds like, if you really knew me, you would not love me.

But intimacy grows through transparency, not perfection. The parts you hide are often the parts longing most for care.

Why am I so afraid of being abandoned or rejected?

This fear lives in almost every human heart.

Loss through death, divorce, betrayal, emotional neglect, addiction, or sudden breakups teaches the nervous system that closeness hurts.

So the mind says, do not get too close and you will not get hurt.

But never getting close also hurts. It creates isolation.

We are called to love bigger, and loving bigger requires tolerating risk with boundaries and care.

The work is not avoiding closeness, but learning you can survive loss, disappointment, and rejection and still stay open.

How do I start healing my fear of intimacy?

Healing intimacy starts inside.

Ask for help. Therapy, support groups, and safe people matter. We are not meant to heal alone.

Write. Journaling lets you connect with what is really happening underneath the surface. Let it be honest. Let it be messy.

Practice feeling. Slow down and notice your body, your emotions, your thoughts. Intimacy with others begins with intimacy with yourself.

Care for the parts of you that learned to hide, please, perform, overwork, or shut down. Those parts are not broken. They adapted.

And do not forget joy. Growth without joy leads to burnout. Laugh, rest, cook, walk, play, connect with people and animals that feel safe.

If you cannot be intimate with yourself, it becomes very hard to be intimate with another person.

You matter. Your heart matters. Your healing matters.

Intimacy is not perfection. It is presence. And little by little, with courage, curiosity, and care, you can learn to let yourself be seen.

I am really grateful you are here.

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.

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What Are You Using to Fill the Hole in Your Soul?

So many people walk around believing something is wrong with them. That they are not good enough, behind in life, or somehow defective. These beliefs do not come from nowhere. They are rooted in emotional neglect, trauma, unmet needs, and pain that was never acknowledged.

And when we do not know how to sit with emotional pain, we look for ways to fill it.

This is not about blame.
This is about freedom.

Healing Starts With Honesty

If you want to heal, the first step is honesty with yourself.

Healing does not happen because someone else changes. It does not come from avoiding pain or staying busy enough not to feel. Healing happens when we are willing to move through discomfort instead of around it.

When we bring what is unconscious into awareness, it loosens its grip.

When We Do Not Want to Feel, We Try to Fill

Here is something I see again and again in my work and in my own life:

When we do not want to feel, we try to fill.

We try to fill emotional pain, fear, sadness, loneliness, and shame. Every one of us does this in some way.

Think of this on a continuum. Not good or bad. Just honest awareness.

As you read the patterns below, ask yourself:

  • How much time and energy does this take?

  • On a scale of zero to ten, how dominant is this in my life?

Common Ways We Try to Fill the Hole

Shopping and Consumerism

Buying things to feel better, even briefly. The question is not whether shopping is wrong. The question is what feeling you are trying to avoid.

Busyness

Constant doing leaves no room for stillness. Stillness is where emotions live. Many people stay busy to avoid guilt, anxiety, or discomfort.

Children or Grandchildren

Children are not meant to fill emotional wounds. When we look to them for worth or fulfillment, separation and independence can feel threatening instead of healthy.

Children do not come to complete us. They come to wake us up.

Romantic Relationships

Looking to a partner to prove your worth or lovability creates codependency. Healing begins when you learn to give yourself the care and validation you are seeking.

Alcohol, Pills, or Substances

You do not have to be out of control for substances to numb emotional pain. The real question is whether they are helping you heal or helping you avoid.

Social Media and Screens

Constant distraction pulls us out of the present moment. When we are not present, we are disconnected from ourselves and the people in front of us.

Food and Sugar

Food often becomes comfort when comfort was missing. Over time, this can create shame without addressing the original unmet need.

Work and Control

Overworking, fixing others, or managing everything can feel like safety. Eventually, it becomes exhausting and isolating.

Choose Awareness, Not Overwhelm

You do not have to work on everything.

Identify your top three patterns.
Choose one to focus on.
Decide if you are ready to work on it now.

Readiness matters.

What Actually Heals

Healing is not about removing coping strategies overnight. It is about replacing numbing with connection.

Helpful starting points include:

  • Intentional breathing

  • Journaling to process emotions

  • Stillness or meditation

  • Movement and time in nature

  • Safe, reciprocal relationships

  • Self-compassion and reparenting

  • Support through therapy, books, or groups

One book I strongly recommend is Homecoming by Dr. John Bradshaw. Healing the inner child helps stop generational patterns of pain.

Becoming a Better Version of You

You are not broken.
You do not need fixing.

This work is about recognizing patterns that once protected you and choosing differently now.

When you heal, your relationships change.
Your sense of worth deepens.
Your life feels more aligned.

And it all begins with honesty, compassion, and the willingness to look inward.

You matter.
You are worthy.
And you do not have to do this alone.

I am here, cheering you on.

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.

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Intentions vs New Year’s Resolutions: A Gentle, More Human Way to Begin the Year

I see this every January.

People come in feeling hopeful and exhausted at the same time. They want change, but they are also tired of feeling like they keep failing themselves. They want this year to be different, yet part of them is afraid it will be another cycle of pressure, self criticism, and unrealistic expectations.

Why the New Year Brings So Much Pressure

There is something about a new year that makes us reflect. We look at what worked, what did not, and what we wish we had done differently. This sense of a clean slate can be motivating, but it can also quietly turn into pressure.

Many resolutions are built on the idea that something about us needs to be fixed. Do more. Try harder. Be better.

Change rarely works that way.

Real growth happens when we feel safe, supported, and connected to ourselves, not when we are shaming ourselves into action.

Why New Year’s Resolutions Often Do Not Stick

Most resolutions are not rooted in self understanding. They are often vague, rigid, or based on what we think we should want instead of what we actually need.

Some common reasons I see resolutions fall apart include:

  • Goals that are too broad or unrealistic
  • Goals framed in negative, self critical language
  • Goals driven by comparison, guilt, or external expectations

When change is fueled by pressure instead of care, it is hard to sustain.

This does not mean you lack discipline. It means you are human.

Shifting From Resolutions to Intentions

Intentions invite curiosity instead of control.

Rather than asking, “What do I need to fix about myself?” Ask yourself, “How do I want to care for myself this year?”

This shift is subtle, but powerful.

Intentions focus on how you want to live, not just what you want to accomplish. They allow room for flexibility, setbacks, and compassion, which are all part of being human.

Start With Your Values

Before setting goals, I encourage you to pause and identify your values.

Values are the inner guideposts that help you make decisions when life feels overwhelming or unclear. They reflect what truly matters to you, not what social media, family, or culture says should matter.

Some examples might include connection, growth, authenticity, health, honesty, or compassion.

You do not need a long list. Three or four values are enough.

When your intentions align with your values, they feel steadier and more grounding. You are no longer chasing change. You are choosing alignment.

Motivation, Energy, and Self-Compassion

Some days you will feel motivated. Some days you will not.

Motivation is deeply connected to energy and nervous system regulation. Sleep, nourishment, emotional stress, unresolved trauma, and burnout all play a role.

When motivation feels low, it is often a signal, not a failure.

Instead of pushing harder, try asking:

  • What do I need right now?
  • Am I rested enough?
  • Do I need support?

Sometimes the most intentional choice is slowing down.

Change Is Not Linear

Healing and growth rarely move in a straight line.

There will be moments when you feel encouraged and moments when you feel discouraged. This does not mean you are going backward. It means you are learning.

Self-compassion is one of the most powerful tools for change. When you respond to yourself with kindness instead of criticism, your nervous system softens and growth becomes possible.

Small steps matter. A few minutes of journaling. A moment of gratitude. Choosing one priority for the day.

These moments add up.

A Kinder Way Forward

This year does not need to be about becoming someone new.

It can be about coming home to yourself.

As you move forward, I hope you choose intentions that feel supportive, values that feel grounding, and change that feels sustainable.

You are not behind. You are not broken. And you are worthy of care exactly as you are.

- Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.

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Top 10 Most Downloaded Close the Chapter Podcast Episodes in 2025

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Top 10 Most Downloaded Close the Chapter Podcast Episodes of 2025

If you’ve been listening this year, whether that’s during a quiet moment, a long drive, or a hard season, thank you. Truly. It means so much to me that you choose to spend your time in this space.

I know that listening to Close the Chapter Podcast usually means you’re doing some kind of inner work. You’re reflecting. You’re noticing patterns. You’re trying to take care of yourself in the middle of a busy, complicated life. That matters. And I want you to know I see that effort.

When I started the Close the Chapter Podcast, my hope was to create conversations that feel real and grounding. A place where you don’t have to have it all figured out. A place where you can take a breath, feel less alone, and maybe walk away with something that supports you right where you are.

Healing doesn’t happen all at once, and it definitely doesn’t look perfect. Some days feel clearer than others. Some days feel heavy. All of it is part of the process. What matters is that you keep showing up for yourself in small, meaningful ways.

As we move forward, I would genuinely love to hear from you:

  • Which episode stuck with you this year?
  • When did you feel seen or understood while listening?
  • What kinds of conversations would feel most helpful for you right now?

This podcast continues because of you. Because you listen, you share episodes with people you care about, and you keep these conversations going. That connection creates more healing than you might realize.

Thank you for trusting me with your time and with pieces of your journey. Even when progress feels slow, the work you’re doing counts.

Take a look at the 10 most downloaded episodes of 2025 below. If one speaks to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.

#1 - Episode 324 - Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) with Daniel S. Lobel, Ph.D.

#2 - Episode 339 - Authenticity: The Key to Emotional Freedom and Getting Unstuck with Yudit Maros, LMFT

#3 - Episode 337 - How to Heal From Your Past Through Facing Pain with Amber Trejo, LMFT

#4 - Episode 338 -  How to Stop Emotional Outsourcing and People Pleasing with Beatriz Victoria Albina, NP, MPH, SEP

#5 - Episode 341 - Are You A Serial Fixer? with Leah Marone, LCSW

#6 - Episode 340 - The Power of Emotional Check-Ins: Why Asking 'How are you really?' Matters

#7 - Episode 343 - Breaking up with Relationship and Motherhood Myths with Vanessa Benett, LMFT

#8 - Episode 342 - How to Heal From Trauma and Abuse with Alreen Haeggquist

#9 - Episode 344 - How to Nourish, Create Resilience and Safety with Nutrition with Meg Bowman

#10 - Episode 347 - How to Grow Your Feeling Muscle and Why It Matters with Dr. Jenn Rapkin

With so much love and gratitude,
Kristen

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.

How to Build Safety, Belonging, and Worth From the Inside Out: Moving Away From Emotional Outsourcing

Many people come into therapy feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or disconnected, yet they struggle to explain why. I see this all the time in my office. These are capable, thoughtful, deeply caring people, but relationships feel draining, decisions feel heavy, and self-doubt feels constant.

Often, what sits underneath is a habit of looking outside of yourself for reassurance, direction, or validation. Over time, this can quietly erode your sense of internal stability, even if on the outside everything looks “fine.”

These patterns are not flaws. They are learned ways of coping.

What Is Emotional Outsourcing?

Beatriz Victoria Albina, a nurse practitioner, somatic psychology coach, and author who joined me on the Close the Chapter Podcast, coined the term emotional outsourcing to describe a pattern many people have been living with for most of their lives, often without realizing it.

Emotional outsourcing happens when safety, belonging, or worth are sourced primarily from outside yourself instead of being built internally. It shows up when feeling okay depends on someone else’s mood, approval, or reaction.

Instead of checking in with your own feelings, values, or needs, your attention moves outward:

Are they upset with me?
Did I do something wrong?
Am I still okay in their eyes?

When this becomes a pattern, it can lead to anxiety, over-responsibility in relationships, and a growing sense of disconnection from yourself.

How These Patterns Develop

These patterns do not develop because something is wrong with you. They develop through adaptation.

As children, we learn how to stay connected and safe in the environments we grow up in. If caregivers were emotionally unavailable, overwhelmed, unpredictable, or uncomfortable with feelings, many children learned to stay attuned to others in order to maintain connection.

This can look like being helpful, agreeable, quiet, responsible, high achieving, or emotionally self-sufficient. Some people learn to read the room quickly and adjust themselves. Others learn to minimize needs or take on too much responsibility too early.

These strategies were intelligent and protective at the time.

The challenge comes when they continue automatically into adulthood, even when they are no longer necessary or supportive.

Common Ways These Patterns Show Up

You might recognize yourself in some of these experiences:

  • Feeling responsible for other people’s emotions
  • Avoiding conflict or discomfort whenever possible
  • Over explaining or justifying your decisions
  • Struggling to rest unless everything feels resolved
  • Saying yes when you want to say no
  • Replaying conversations long after they are over

Underneath many of these behaviors is often a fear that if someone is disappointed, upset, or distant, it means something is wrong with you.

I hear this fear expressed in many different ways, but the message underneath is often the same: If I upset someone, I am not safe or lovable.

Caretaking and Healthy Connection

Caring deeply about others is not the problem.

Healthy connection allows for empathy, generosity, and support while staying connected to your own needs, limits, and values. You can care about others without abandoning yourself.

Patterns start to feel painful when caretaking is driven by fear, obligation, or the need for approval. In those moments, your sense of worth can rise and fall based on how others respond.

The difference is not what you do. The difference is how it feels inside your body and nervous system when you do it.

Rebuilding an Internal Sense of Safety and Worth

I encourage people to begin with awareness rather than self-criticism.

When you notice your attention moving outward in search of reassurance or certainty, gently bring it back inward.

Start with your body.
Feel your feet on the floor.
Notice your breath.
Allow your nervous system to settle, even for a moment.

From there, ask yourself simple questions and pause:

What am I feeling right now?
What do I need?
What matters to me?

If the answers feel unclear or unavailable, treat that as information rather than a problem. Silence often reflects parts of the self that learned it was safer to stay quiet.

Start with small, intentional choices. Pause before responding. Give yourself time to decide. Notice and name a preference, even if only to yourself. Allow yourself to release the urge to explain or justify.

Over time, these small moments help build internal trust and create a steadier sense of safety and worth.

An Invitation Back to Yourself

Compassion is essential in the healing process.

The parts of you that learned to manage relationships carefully were trying to protect you. When those parts are met with kindness rather than judgment, the nervous system begins to soften and shame loosens its grip. 

Self-criticism has rarely created lasting change. Healing grows more naturally in the presence of understanding.

A different way of living becomes possible when attention turns inward. One rooted in steadiness, self-connection, and inner support.

This does not mean becoming detached or uncaring. It means learning how to stay connected to yourself while caring for others.

Learning to offer yourself safety, belonging, and worth is not selfish. It is foundational. And it is one of the most meaningful steps toward emotional freedom and healthier relationships.

- Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

Want to Go Deeper?

If this resonates and you want additional guidance, I recommend End Emotional Outsourcing: How to Overcome Your Codependent, Perfectionist, and People-Pleasing Habits by Beatriz Victoria Albina. It offers compassionate insight and practical tools for building internal safety, self-trust, and emotional resilience.

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.

Dive a little deeper into this topic below

Moving On Doesn’t Mean Letting Go: What Grief Is Really Asking of Us

There are some experiences that quietly change everything.

Grief is one of them.

And grief is not only about death. It can come from a divorce, a move, a job change, infertility, the end of a relationship, a health diagnosis, or the loss of the life you thought you were going to have.

Grief shows up anytime something meaningful no longer exists in the way it once did.

What often makes grief harder is how uncomfortable our culture is with it. There is an unspoken expectation that we should process it quickly, quietly, and neatly. But grief does not follow rules, timelines, or expectations. It follows the heart and the body.

The Pressure to “Move On”

One of the most painful messages people internalize is that moving on means letting go of love, attachment, or meaning.

Gina Moffa, my former podcast guest, and a licensed psychotherapist who works deeply with grief and trauma, gently challenges this belief. Grief does not require erasing the relationship or pretending it never mattered. In fact, trying to do that often creates more pain.

For so many, healing does not come from letting go. It comes from learning how to carry what matters differently and allowing the relationship to shift rather than disappear. Grief asks us to integrate loss into our lives, not rush past it.

Grief Lives in the Body

Grief often shows up long before we recognize it for what it is. Exhaustion, difficulty focusing, feeling slowed down, or disconnected from your body can all be signs that grief is present.

It affects the nervous system and can show up as brain fog, disrupted sleep, headaches, digestive issues, tension, inflammation, dehydration, and a noticeable drop in energy.

Grief requires endurance. And endurance requires care.

Especially in early grief, support often looks surprisingly simple. Drinking enough water. Eating regularly. Getting outside. Resting your body even if sleep feels difficult. Gentle movement. These are not small things. They are foundational.

What Does It Mean to Grieve Fully?

A question I hear often is, “What does it even mean to grieve fully when life still has to continue?”

Life does not pause for grief. There may be children to care for, work to do, and people depending on you. Fully grieving does not mean collapsing or crying all day long. It means not abandoning yourself while you are hurting.

Sometimes grieving fully looks like pausing to notice how you are actually doing. Sometimes it looks like allowing sadness without judging it. Sometimes it looks like asking, “What do I need right now?” and responding with kindness instead of criticism.

Grief does not need to be performed. It needs to be honored.

The Relationship Can Continue to Evolve

One of the most meaningful shifts in grief is realizing that the relationship does not necessarily end. It changes.

You may find yourself talking to the person you lost, thinking about what they would say, or continuing conversations internally that never had space before. When the relationship was complicated, grief can be complicated too. Missing someone deeply can coexist with acknowledging the pain that existed.

Healing does not require rewriting the past. It allows space for truth, compassion, and growth.

Making Room for Joy Without Guilt

Joy and laughter can feel surprising in grief, and sometimes even uncomfortable. There may be a quick thought that something is wrong or that enjoying a moment means forgetting the person you lost.

Joy is not a betrayal.

At times, laughter is the nervous system releasing tension. At other moments, it is a reminder that life still moves through you. Grief is not only sorrow. It is also love, memory, meaning, and moments of light that arrive unexpectedly.

Both can exist at the same time.

Gentle Truths to Hold Onto

If you are grieving, here are a few reminders I hope you will carry with you:

  • Do not compare your grief to anyone else’s. Your loss and your process are your own.
  • Choose self compassion over self improvement. Grief is not something to do better or faster.
  • Reach out for connection. Solitude can be healing, but isolation can deepen suffering. You do not have to carry this alone.

If You Are Walking Through Grief Right Now

If grief has been touching every part of your life lately, I want you to know this:

You are not weak.
You are not behind.
You are responding to loss in a deeply human way.

Take this one day at a time. Sometimes one moment at a time. Be gentle with yourself as you learn how to live in a world that feels different now.

And if you are looking for a compassionate, grounding guide, Gina Moffa’s book Moving On, Does It Mean Letting Go? offers wisdom, validation, and practical support for navigating loss without rushing your healing.

You deserve care, patience, and understanding as you move forward.

- Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.

Dive a little deeper into this topic below

When You’re Tired and  Sleep Isn’t Fixing It: Understanding Emotional Weariness

If you have been waking up feeling heavy, drained, or moving through your day on emotional fumes, I want you to pause with that for a moment. What you are feeling has meaning. It is not random, and it is not a signal to push yourself harder. Your body is speaking to you, offering important information, and it deserves your attention and compassion.

There is a deeper exhaustion many people are quietly carrying right now, the kind that lingers even after a full night of sleep and settles into the body in ways that feel difficult to shake. 

This experience has a name: weariness.

Weariness is not the same as being tired. It is a deeper form of emotional depletion that builds slowly over time. It comes from holding too much responsibility, too many emotions, too many worries, or too many unknowns without enough space to rest and restore. And in a world filled with ongoing stress, uncertainty, and disconnection, it makes complete sense that so many are struggling to find their footing.

Nothing about this makes you weak or inadequate. It simply means your body and nervous system are trying to get your attention. They are inviting you to slow down, listen inward, and tend to what has been carrying the weight.

What Weariness Really Is

Weariness often shows up through both physical and emotional signals:

  • Low or inconsistent energy
    • Difficulty getting started or motivated
    • Feeling emotionally flat or overwhelmed
    • A desire to withdraw from others
    • Changes in appetite
    • Persistent sadness, fear, irritability, or heaviness

These experiences are not personal failures. They are messages. Your system is doing its best to cope with what it has been carrying.

Weariness is the body saying, "Please slow down. Something inside needs care."

Why Weariness Feels So Intensely During Life Transitions

Transitions disrupt our emotional landscape. Even positive change can stir deep internal shifts. Breakups, moves, job changes, grief, parenting stress, illness, trauma, financial uncertainty, or loss of structure all activate the core emotions that live inside every human being.

When those emotions are not acknowledged or processed, they accumulate. That buildup often becomes weariness.

This is not a sign that you are failing. It is a reflection of your humanity. Weariness is a natural response to prolonged emotional strain. You are not meant to carry everything alone or ignore the signals your body is sending. You are meant to listen, tend, and nurture.

Weariness as an Invitation

Weariness is not asking you to push harder. It is asking you to pause.

It invites you to:

  • Move toward your emotions instead of away from them
    • Offer compassion rather than criticism
    • Slow down long enough to hear what your inner world is trying to tell you

Underneath weariness there is often an emotion waiting to be acknowledged. It may be sadness that has gone unnamed, fear you have carried quietly, or longing you have not allowed yourself to express. These emotions need space and care, not avoidance.

Healing begins when you stop bypassing and start listening.

How to Work Through Weariness

Here are supportive practices that help you reconnect with yourself and gently move the heaviness out of your system:

1. Write to Release

Writing allows your emotions to flow outward rather than collect inside. This creates clarity and regulation. It does not have to be perfect. It simply needs to be honest.

2. Practice Intentional Breathing

Slow, steady breathing communicates safety to your body. Square breathing in particular helps calm the nervous system and reduce the intensity of emotional overwhelm.

3. Acknowledge What You Feel

Speak the truth of your feelings. Naming your emotions is not indulgent. It is a powerful step toward healing. Telling yourself that what you feel makes sense is deeply regulating.

4. Offer Self Nourishment

Talk to yourself with tenderness. You would not shame a child for being exhausted. Extend the same mercy to yourself. Compassion interrupts the cycle of shame that intensifies weariness.

5. Move Your Body in Gentle Ways

Movement helps emotional energy shift. You do not need intense workouts. Slow walking, stretching, light yoga, or any simple movement can help release stuck emotions.

6. Rest Without Apology

Rest is not wasted time. It is essential. When your body is depleted, rest becomes part of the healing process. Weariness asks for stillness, not more striving.

7. Connect With Others and Express Gratitude

Reach out to three people this week. Share something kind, warm, or meaningful. You do not need anything in return. Offering connection supports both your heart and theirs.

8. Reduce Numbing Behaviors

Emotional numbing keeps you stuck. Whether through food, scrolling, work, shopping, or busyness, avoidance creates temporary relief but long term heaviness. Feeling what is true is the path out.

9. Support Your Nervous System

Weighted blankets, light therapy, grounding routines, warm baths, vitamin D under your doctor's guidance, and consistent daily rhythms all help regulate emotion.

What I Want You to Remember Most

Weariness is not something you should hide, dismiss, or push through with force. It is something you tend to with gentleness and presence.

It is your inner world saying, "Please care for me."

When you allow yourself to feel your feelings, breathe through them, write them out, rest, move, and nurture yourself, you begin to transform your emotional exhaustion into something softer and more manageable. You are not supposed to carry everything alone. You are supposed to feel supported, seen, and held, even if you are the one offering that care to yourself.

You Are Worthy of Renewal

If you are exhausted, overwhelmed, or feeling disconnected from yourself, please take this in:

You matter.
You are important.
You are loved.
You are enough.

Thank you for being part of this movement to bring more compassion, emotional awareness, and authenticity into the world. Together, we are rewriting the story of what mental health truly means.

- Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.

Dive a little deeper into this topic below

Healing After Divorce or A Breakup: What No One Tells You About Grief, Growth, and Starting Over

Have you ever found yourself sitting in the quiet after a divorce or breakup thinking, I didn’t expect it to feel like this? Maybe the grief feels heavier than you imagined. Maybe the silence feels unsettling. Maybe you keep wondering why you’re not “over it” yet. 

Divorce is not just the end of a relationship. It is an emotional unraveling. It brings old wounds to the surface and invites you to face feelings you may have avoided for years. And while that can feel overwhelming, it is also the beginning of deep healing.

Why Divorce Hurts So Deeply

Divorce doesn’t just end a relationship. It activates attachment wounds that started long before your marriage did. Many of us did not grow up with emotional attunement. We weren’t asked how we felt. We weren’t told our feelings were okay. We learned to push emotions aside, stay strong, or pretend we were fine. So as adults, we often choose partners who meet us at the same emotional developmental stage. When one person grows and the other stays stuck, the relationship begins to break apart.

And if we jump into another relationship too quickly, we end up recreating the same patterns in a different package. It is not because we are broken. It is because the deeper wounds have not been healed yet.

Slowing Down Is Where the Healing Happens

You cannot shortcut grief. You cannot bypass pain. You cannot skip the emotional work and expect transformation. Healing requires letting yourself feel the sadness, anger, fear, and shame with compassion rather than judgment. When you stop running from your emotions and start tending to them gently, the pain begins to soften. 

It becomes tolerable. It moves. It shifts. 

This is how you reconnect to yourself.

Why Your Healing Matters for Your Children

If you have children, your healing affects them profoundly. They may not have the words for what they feel, but they sense everything. When a parent hasn’t worked through their grief, it can spill onto the child in ways that feel confusing and heavy.

You may notice patterns like:

  • Leaning on your child for emotional comfort when you feel overwhelmed
  • Asking probing questions about the other parent
  • Speaking negatively about your ex, even subtly
  • Pulling away emotionally because you feel too depleted 

Children are not meant to carry adult emotions. Your healing gives them the safety and permission to feel their own.

Truths to Stay Grounded In

  • Healing is not linear.
  • A new relationship will not fix old wounds.
  • Your children need emotional presence and attunement, not adult details.
  • Feeling your feelings is courage, not weakness.
  • You will not feel this way forever.

This Season Is Not the End. It Is the Beginning.

You may not feel it yet, but this is an awakening. A clearing.
A chance to rediscover who you are, what you need, and what you want your life to look like. A time to come home to yourself.

Give yourself space to journal, breathe, connect with supportive people, and let small moments of laughter find you again.

Some days you will feel strong and grounded. Other days may feel heavy or confusing. Both are part of the healing process.

You will get to the other side. You will rebuild. You will learn to choose relationships from a place of security rather than fear.

But first, choose YOU.

This is your time to close the chapter with intention and open the door to the real, grounded, worthy you.

- Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.

Dive a little deeper into this topic below

Intuitive Eating: How to Break Up With Diet Culture and Come Home to Your Body

Intuitive Eating: How to Break Up With Diet Culture and Come Home to Your Body

Do you ever feel like your entire day is shaped by what you ate, did not eat, or think you should eat?

So many people carry quiet pain and shame around eating, their bodies, and the pressure to “get it right.” I see this struggle often because it reaches into almost every area of a person’s life.

A previous guest on my podcast, Evelyn Tribole, the co-author of Intuitive Eating, offers powerful insight into why so many people feel disconnected from their bodies. 

One of the things she teaches is that what we often call “loss of control” eating is usually the body’s response to restriction. Our bodies are designed for survival. When you do not consistently eat enough or you follow rigid food rules, your biology steps in and pushes you to eat. It is not a lack of willpower. It is your body protecting you.

Why Diet Culture Hurts Us So Much

It is common to lose touch with hunger and fullness cues. Diet culture turns hunger into something to fight and food into something to fear. Over time, these messages create confusion, doubt, and a sense of disconnection from your own body.

This is not a personal flaw. It is the predictable outcome of years of conditioning. Diet culture gradually pulls you away from yourself and keeps you stuck in cycles of guilt, pressure, and comparison.

Healing begins with recognizing these messages for what they are and choosing to step away from them.

What Intuitive Eating Actually Is

It is not abandoning health. It is not about perfection.

It is a compassionate approach to food and your body. It encourages you to tune back into your natural signals such as hunger, fullness, satisfaction, emotion, and energy, and respond with respect. It helps you build trust with your body rather than trying to control it.

This is about returning to yourself in a deeper and kinder way.

Learning to Recognize Hunger Again

Hunger can show up in many ways, not just a growling stomach. It might look like irritability, foggy thinking, difficulty focusing, low energy, or feeling suddenly tired. These are your body’s signals.

Stress, trauma, burnout, and dieting can quiet these cues. If hunger feels hard to recognize, there is nothing wrong with you. Your body has adapted to a life where it did not feel safe to speak up.

Reconnection begins with simple awareness. Try asking, “What is my body saying right now?” There is no right or wrong answer. It is simply information.

Emotional Eating Does Not Mean You Failed

Emotional eating is one of the most common sources of shame, but it is not weakness or lack of control. Food has always been tied to comfort, soothing, and connection.

The goal is not to eliminate emotional eating. It is to add more options. When you pause and ask, “What am I feeling?” and “What do I need?” you create space for choice. Sometimes you need rest. Sometimes you need connection. Sometimes you need nourishment.

Compassion brings clarity. Shame shuts everything down.

Why Boundaries Matter on This Journey

You cannot hear your body clearly when life is filled with pressure, overcommitting, and constant doing. When your nervous system is overwhelmed, your natural cues become quiet. You shift into survival mode.

Boundaries become essential. Rest, slowing down, saying no, and giving yourself space help your body feel safe again. Intuitive eating flourishes when there is room for you in your own life.

Food healing often begins with life healing.

You Do Not Need More Willpower

Diet culture convinced many people that they simply need more self-control around food. This is one of the most painful misconceptions.

When your body feels deprived, it will eventually push back. This is not a lack of willpower. It is a normal biological response. You do not need more discipline. You need more compassion, nourishment, and safety.

You have not failed. You have been following a system that was never designed to nurture you.

How to Begin Your Intuitive Eating Journey

You do not have to do everything at once. Start with curiosity.

A simple place to begin is satisfaction. Ask yourself, “What sounds good?” or “How do I want to feel when I finish eating?” These questions help reconnect you with your preferences and your body’s natural guidance.

You can also notice when diet-culture thoughts appear. When they show up, simply acknowledge them. Awareness softens their power.

This journey is not about getting it perfect. It is about returning to yourself with compassion.

Finding Your Flow Again

Imagine yourself standing on a surfboard, moving with the rhythm of a wave. You rise and fall with the water. You adjust gently. You flow with what comes.

This is what healing your relationship with food can feel like: less force, more listening, less fear, more trust.

You deserve a peaceful relationship with your body. You deserve freedom from shame. You deserve to come home to yourself, one compassionate step at a time.

- Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.

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