So many people walk around believing something is wrong with them. That they are not good enough, behind in life, or somehow defective. These beliefs do not come from nowhere. They are rooted in emotional neglect, trauma, unmet needs, and pain that was never acknowledged.

And when we do not know how to sit with emotional pain, we look for ways to fill it.

This is not about blame.
This is about freedom.

Healing Starts With Honesty

If you want to heal, the first step is honesty with yourself.

Healing does not happen because someone else changes. It does not come from avoiding pain or staying busy enough not to feel. Healing happens when we are willing to move through discomfort instead of around it.

When we bring what is unconscious into awareness, it loosens its grip.

When We Do Not Want to Feel, We Try to Fill

Here is something I see again and again in my work and in my own life:

When we do not want to feel, we try to fill.

We try to fill emotional pain, fear, sadness, loneliness, and shame. Every one of us does this in some way.

Think of this on a continuum. Not good or bad. Just honest awareness.

As you read the patterns below, ask yourself:

• How much time and energy does this take?

• On a scale of zero to ten, how dominant is this in my life?

Common Ways We Try to Fill the Hole

Shopping and Consumerism

Buying things to feel better, even briefly. The question is not whether shopping is wrong. The question is what feeling you are trying to avoid.

Busyness

Constant doing leaves no room for stillness. Stillness is where emotions live. Many people stay busy to avoid guilt, anxiety, or discomfort.

Children or Grandchildren

Children are not meant to fill emotional wounds. When we look to them for worth or fulfillment, separation and independence can feel threatening instead of healthy.

Children do not come to complete us. They come to wake us up.

Romantic Relationships

Looking to a partner to prove your worth or lovability creates codependency. Healing begins when you learn to give yourself the care and validation you are seeking.

Alcohol, Pills, or Substances

You do not have to be out of control for substances to numb emotional pain. The real question is whether they are helping you heal or helping you avoid.

Social Media and Screens

Constant distraction pulls us out of the present moment. When we are not present, we are disconnected from ourselves and the people in front of us.

Food and Sugar

Food often becomes comfort when comfort was missing. Over time, this can create shame without addressing the original unmet need.

Work and Control

Overworking, fixing others, or managing everything can feel like safety. Eventually, it becomes exhausting and isolating.

Choose Awareness, Not Overwhelm

You do not have to work on everything.

Identify your top three patterns.
Choose one to focus on.
Decide if you are ready to work on it now.

Readiness matters.

What Actually Heals

Healing is not about removing coping strategies overnight. It is about replacing numbing with connection.

Helpful starting points include:

• Intentional breathing

• Journaling to process emotions

• Stillness or meditation

• Movement and time in nature

• Safe, reciprocal relationships

• Self-compassion and reparenting

• Support through therapy, books, or groups

One book I strongly recommend is Homecoming by Dr. John Bradshaw. Healing the inner child helps stop generational patterns of pain.

Becoming a Better Version of You

You are not broken.
You do not need fixing.

This work is about recognizing patterns that once protected you and choosing differently now.

When you heal, your relationships change.
Your sense of worth deepens.
Your life feels more aligned.

And it all begins with honesty, compassion, and the willingness to look inward.

You matter.
You are worthy.
And you do not have to do this alone.

I am here, cheering you on.

Do you want to join a community of souls wanting to grow, evolve, and on a healing journey?

I would love for you to join our free Close the Chapter Facebook community and check out my YouTube Channel where I post weekly videos with Mental Health Tips.