There are some experiences that quietly change everything.

Grief is one of them.

And grief is not only about death. It can come from a divorce, a move, a job change, infertility, the end of a relationship, a health diagnosis, or the loss of the life you thought you were going to have.

Grief shows up anytime something meaningful no longer exists in the way it once did.

What often makes grief harder is how uncomfortable our culture is with it. There is an unspoken expectation that we should process it quickly, quietly, and neatly. But grief does not follow rules, timelines, or expectations. It follows the heart and the body.

The Pressure to “Move On”

One of the most painful messages people internalize is that moving on means letting go of love, attachment, or meaning.

Gina Moffa, my former podcast guest, and a licensed psychotherapist who works deeply with grief and trauma, gently challenges this belief. Grief does not require erasing the relationship or pretending it never mattered. In fact, trying to do that often creates more pain.

For so many, healing does not come from letting go. It comes from learning how to carry what matters differently and allowing the relationship to shift rather than disappear. Grief asks us to integrate loss into our lives, not rush past it.

Grief Lives in the Body

Grief often shows up long before we recognize it for what it is. Exhaustion, difficulty focusing, feeling slowed down, or disconnected from your body can all be signs that grief is present.

It affects the nervous system and can show up as brain fog, disrupted sleep, headaches, digestive issues, tension, inflammation, dehydration, and a noticeable drop in energy.

Grief requires endurance. And endurance requires care.

Especially in early grief, support often looks surprisingly simple. Drinking enough water. Eating regularly. Getting outside. Resting your body even if sleep feels difficult. Gentle movement. These are not small things. They are foundational.

What Does It Mean to Grieve Fully?

A question I hear often is, “What does it even mean to grieve fully when life still has to continue?”

Life does not pause for grief. There may be children to care for, work to do, and people depending on you. Fully grieving does not mean collapsing or crying all day long. It means not abandoning yourself while you are hurting.

Sometimes grieving fully looks like pausing to notice how you are actually doing. Sometimes it looks like allowing sadness without judging it. Sometimes it looks like asking, “What do I need right now?” and responding with kindness instead of criticism.

Grief does not need to be performed. It needs to be honored.

The Relationship Can Continue to Evolve

One of the most meaningful shifts in grief is realizing that the relationship does not necessarily end. It changes.

You may find yourself talking to the person you lost, thinking about what they would say, or continuing conversations internally that never had space before. When the relationship was complicated, grief can be complicated too. Missing someone deeply can coexist with acknowledging the pain that existed.

Healing does not require rewriting the past. It allows space for truth, compassion, and growth.

Making Room for Joy Without Guilt

Joy and laughter can feel surprising in grief, and sometimes even uncomfortable. There may be a quick thought that something is wrong or that enjoying a moment means forgetting the person you lost.

Joy is not a betrayal.

At times, laughter is the nervous system releasing tension. At other moments, it is a reminder that life still moves through you. Grief is not only sorrow. It is also love, memory, meaning, and moments of light that arrive unexpectedly.

Both can exist at the same time.

Gentle Truths to Hold Onto

If you are grieving, here are a few reminders I hope you will carry with you:

• Do not compare your grief to anyone else’s. Your loss and your process are your own.
• Choose self compassion over self improvement. Grief is not something to do better or faster.
• Reach out for connection. Solitude can be healing, but isolation can deepen suffering. You do not have to carry this alone.

If You Are Walking Through Grief Right Now

If grief has been touching every part of your life lately, I want you to know this:

You are not weak.
You are not behind.
You are responding to loss in a deeply human way.

Take this one day at a time. Sometimes one moment at a time. Be gentle with yourself as you learn how to live in a world that feels different now.

And if you are looking for a compassionate, grounding guide, Gina Moffa’s book Moving On, Does It Mean Letting Go? offers wisdom, validation, and practical support for navigating loss without rushing your healing.

You deserve care, patience, and understanding as you move forward.

- Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

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