How to Connect With Core Emotions and Heal from the Inside Out

I often hear from clients that they’re scared to connect to their emotions. They’re afraid that if they really allow themselves to feel, they won’t be able to handle it, that they’ll get stuck and never find their way out. So instead, they move away from their feelings, they numb them, or they stay busy enough to avoid them.

What I know after all these years of doing this work is this: if we don’t connect to our core emotions, we don’t move forward. Healing, growth, and peace come only when we allow ourselves to feel what’s underneath the pain, the trauma, and the fear.

That’s why I wanted to share this. It’s such an important conversation to really understand what the core emotions are, how to move through them, and how to feel more empowered when connecting to them. Because the truth is, most of us have been conditioned out of our feelings very early in life.

The Seven Core Emotions

Decades of neuroscience research have shown that there are seven core emotions that all humans share:

• Anger

• Fear

• Sadness

• Disgust

• Joy

• Excitement

• Sexual Excitement

I like to call this list a cheat sheet. When someone says, “I don’t know what I feel,” this is where we start.

Anger helps set boundaries and protect what matters. Healthy anger is different from rage. It’s more grounded.

Fear keeps us alert but can take over when ignored.

Sadness helps us release and heal.

Disgust shows when something’s out of alignment with our values.

Joy flows naturally when emotions are felt rather than numbed.

Excitement fuels curiosity and energy.

Sexual excitement is simply part of being human.

These emotions are our inner compass. Without them, it’s like steering a sailboat without a sail.

When We Disconnect

When we don’t connect with our emotions, we start to feel lost. Disconnection often turns into anxiety, guilt, and shame, which are inhibitory emotions.

Guilt comes from actions out of alignment with our values and can guide positive change.

Shame attacks the self and keeps us stuck in “I’m not enough.”

Anxiety grows from unprocessed fear and pain.

Because no one wants to feel those things, people find ways to escape—through perfectionism, work, alcohol, shopping, or people-pleasing. But every time we avoid pain, we strengthen the belief that I can’t stand this. The truth is we can. Healing begins with, I can stand to feel this.

How Disconnection Starts

Many of us grew up in homes where emotions were avoided or expressed in overwhelming ways. When caregivers didn’t connect to their feelings, we learned not to connect to ours. This can create what I call emotional stuckness—a pause in development that keeps us from fully living.

Reconnecting to emotions restores aliveness and helps us access the wisdom we already have.

The Body Knows First

Our bodies feel emotions before our minds name them. Here are some examples:

Anger can feel like heat or tension in the chest.

Fear can feel like a pit in the stomach.

Sadness can feel like heavy in the heart or throat.

Shame can feel like a hot flush or urge to shrink.

When we notice these sensations, we reconnect to what’s real. Awareness is the first step toward healing.

Taking Responsibility for Our Feelings

True healing begins when we take responsibility for our emotions instead of expecting others to fix them. Empathy from others is beautiful, but it starts within.

When we connect to our emotions, we can be present in our own lives and relationships. Denying emotions only builds intensity inside. Healing begins when we name what we feel and remind ourselves that it’s safe to do so.

Healing isn’t linear. It’s messy, beautiful, and human. As Richard Rohr said, “Pain that’s not transformed will be transmitted.” When we tend to our pain, we stop passing it on.

The Heart of Healing

Connecting to your emotions is the birthplace of empathy and compassion—for yourself and others. When you stop numbing and start naming, you begin to live more fully.

So here’s the invitation:

• Don’t numb emotions. Name them.

• Don’t run from pain. Tend to it.

That’s where transformation begins.

Every emotion carries wisdom. Feeling them is how we heal, how we grow, and how we come back home to ourselves.

- Kristen D Boice M.A., LMFT, EMDR Trained

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